This weekend was not only difficult, but wonderful. On Friday night I had the honor of speaking at two Relay For Life events, one at Creighton University and one a UNO. As always, I met people who are fighting the fight. I talked with people, laughed with people, and cried with people. We came together for a common goal, and that goal being Celebrating, Remembering, and Fighting Back! I celebrated with those who fought and won. I cried for those I lost, and I felt empowered by having the opportunity to Fight Back against cancer by passing on a strong message of early detection and being proactive with ones own health. We are our own best advocates!
On Saturday morning I was able to run a road race with my two best guys, Skye Pie and Lakers! I am so proud of them! One mile is a long way to run when you have short little legs! I ran a 5K and was happy to finish without having to stop and walk! I haven't run in months, so I was happy with that!
Today, I went to a benefit in my hometown. It is tragicly sad to see a beautiful young family affected by cancer, and I was overcome with emotion as I walked in, and had to take a moment. The benefit looked to be quite a success, and I am proud to say I am from Seward, as the community really comes together when one of their own is in need of help! I feel blessed to be a part of that.
Honestly, there is nothing better than paying it forward!
What am I thankful for!?! Being asked to help.
3.29.2009
Thank you for 4 years of support!
Dear Friends and Family:
Looking back on 4 years of SURVIVORSHIP...of LIFE. My 4 year anniversary is a celebration of life, of potential, of hopes, perseverance, and of friendship! I hope that you read this BLOG and know that I THANK YOU for all that you have done for me over the last 4 years!
When I first heard that I had cancer, I was sad, but optimistic. Then, a week later, when I heard the extent of my cancer, I was terrified. I was scared to leave behind 2 children that had not had enough time to get to know me, and I was scared that I was going to let down my family and friends by leaving them too soon. I was not ready go…. Things were left undone…
I searched the Internet for treatments, diets, cleanses, and Hope. The statistics said I had only a 20% chance of living 5 years. So, I turned to God and I prayed for a miracle. I did a lot of soul searching, I started journals for my children, and I spent more time in front of the camera than behind it! I wanted to capture memories, thoughts, moments, wisdom and laughter for my children. I wanted them to know that finding peace and happiness, no matter what your circumstances, is the key to life. I wanted to teach them to laugh and show them how to smile!
Over the last 4 years, I feel like I have demonstrated this too them with the help of all of you! You all make me happy and you make me smile in your own special ways. The last 4 years have been no walk in the park. There have been very hard and very dark times for me along the way, but you all have gotten me through with a smile on my face….(most of the time)….and for that I am eternally grateful!
So now here we are, just one year from my 5 year mark…and do you know what I think?…I think I am going to blow it out of the water!!! 10 years….here I come!
Thank you for:
laughing with me*crying with me*holding my hand*saving my funny texts*sitting under a tree*saving second base*running the Komen*marker pimping*dancing like a rockstar*being patient with me*being a DAMA-MAMA or PAPA*letting me share my story*daring me*coloring my hair pink*surviving with me*being persistent*making me laugh*listening even when what I have to say is hard to hear*rekindling that old friendship*having faith in me*pushing me*videotaping my story(take 32)*letting me give you a piggyback ride*telling me that I am not too old to pierce my nose*wanting more for yourself and letting me help you get it*sharing my wigs and hats with me*e-mailing me*calling me even though you know I never answer*inviting me to dinner*fundraising with me*running next to me*running ahead of me in silent encouragement*inviting me into your family*letting me win*letting me walk*sharing your drink*buying me sushi*writing your “why I relay” stories*understanding me*pretending to when you don’t*forgiving me*never forgetting*sharing music*watching movies*swimming in the ocean*skinny-dipping in March*going to Disney*renting a limo*singing over me*letting me pick*giving me faith*finding Hope*stocking my freezer*threatening to put a bean up your nose to make me laugh*dancing in the rain*holding me*hugs and kisses*sharing your strength*knowing when to be silent*knowing when to scream*knowing when an inappropriate joke is appropriate*not letting me jump*taking my picture*sharing your story*rubbing my feet*sharing your candy bar*asking how I am*knowing when fine doesn’t mean fine* calling me adorable when clearly I am losing it*finding me $10,000*saving my hair*sitting with me at baseball games*making me feel like a part of the group*not making me sing Karaoke*coming to my party*being in my life*riding the mechanical bull*going on girls trips*helping me understand*helping me forget*letting me forgive*painting my nails*telling me when I have spinach in my teeth*hottubbing*being my FB friend*wearing pasties on the beach*sharing chapstick*loving me despite me*buying and sporting things with pink ribbons on them*using pink ribbon checks*leaving peanut butter twix on my desk when I am out*making me a journal*saving pictures of you and I*driving 8 hours for this party*visiting me*sitting in the driveway*scheduling your vacations with me*telling me when I am nuts, not stopping me*loving my children like your own*wearing pink awareness or LIVESTRONG bands*BEING A PART OF ME FOREVER!*
What am I thankful for?! YOU!
Looking back on 4 years of SURVIVORSHIP...of LIFE. My 4 year anniversary is a celebration of life, of potential, of hopes, perseverance, and of friendship! I hope that you read this BLOG and know that I THANK YOU for all that you have done for me over the last 4 years!
When I first heard that I had cancer, I was sad, but optimistic. Then, a week later, when I heard the extent of my cancer, I was terrified. I was scared to leave behind 2 children that had not had enough time to get to know me, and I was scared that I was going to let down my family and friends by leaving them too soon. I was not ready go…. Things were left undone…
I searched the Internet for treatments, diets, cleanses, and Hope. The statistics said I had only a 20% chance of living 5 years. So, I turned to God and I prayed for a miracle. I did a lot of soul searching, I started journals for my children, and I spent more time in front of the camera than behind it! I wanted to capture memories, thoughts, moments, wisdom and laughter for my children. I wanted them to know that finding peace and happiness, no matter what your circumstances, is the key to life. I wanted to teach them to laugh and show them how to smile!
Over the last 4 years, I feel like I have demonstrated this too them with the help of all of you! You all make me happy and you make me smile in your own special ways. The last 4 years have been no walk in the park. There have been very hard and very dark times for me along the way, but you all have gotten me through with a smile on my face….(most of the time)….and for that I am eternally grateful!
So now here we are, just one year from my 5 year mark…and do you know what I think?…I think I am going to blow it out of the water!!! 10 years….here I come!
Thank you for:
laughing with me*crying with me*holding my hand*saving my funny texts*sitting under a tree*saving second base*running the Komen*marker pimping*dancing like a rockstar*being patient with me*being a DAMA-MAMA or PAPA*letting me share my story*daring me*coloring my hair pink*surviving with me*being persistent*making me laugh*listening even when what I have to say is hard to hear*rekindling that old friendship*having faith in me*pushing me*videotaping my story(take 32)*letting me give you a piggyback ride*telling me that I am not too old to pierce my nose*wanting more for yourself and letting me help you get it*sharing my wigs and hats with me*e-mailing me*calling me even though you know I never answer*inviting me to dinner*fundraising with me*running next to me*running ahead of me in silent encouragement*inviting me into your family*letting me win*letting me walk*sharing your drink*buying me sushi*writing your “why I relay” stories*understanding me*pretending to when you don’t*forgiving me*never forgetting*sharing music*watching movies*swimming in the ocean*skinny-dipping in March*going to Disney*renting a limo*singing over me*letting me pick*giving me faith*finding Hope*stocking my freezer*threatening to put a bean up your nose to make me laugh*dancing in the rain*holding me*hugs and kisses*sharing your strength*knowing when to be silent*knowing when to scream*knowing when an inappropriate joke is appropriate*not letting me jump*taking my picture*sharing your story*rubbing my feet*sharing your candy bar*asking how I am*knowing when fine doesn’t mean fine* calling me adorable when clearly I am losing it*finding me $10,000*saving my hair*sitting with me at baseball games*making me feel like a part of the group*not making me sing Karaoke*coming to my party*being in my life*riding the mechanical bull*going on girls trips*helping me understand*helping me forget*letting me forgive*painting my nails*telling me when I have spinach in my teeth*hottubbing*being my FB friend*wearing pasties on the beach*sharing chapstick*loving me despite me*buying and sporting things with pink ribbons on them*using pink ribbon checks*leaving peanut butter twix on my desk when I am out*making me a journal*saving pictures of you and I*driving 8 hours for this party*visiting me*sitting in the driveway*scheduling your vacations with me*telling me when I am nuts, not stopping me*loving my children like your own*wearing pink awareness or LIVESTRONG bands*BEING A PART OF ME FOREVER!*
What am I thankful for?! YOU!
3.25.2009
I am a mess!
Well, I don't know what the deal is...is there more cancer out there? Do I just notice it more? Do people just come to me with questions more since I have it? I don't know, but right now it seems like the whole world is going to be consumed by cancer. (Not me of course, because the all knowing FB quiz said I was going to die in my 70's during a tragic stripper pole accident!)
This month alone....
I had a friend lose her stepmom to cancer,
I had a friend lose a friend to cancer,
and I watched in sorrow as my community lost a beautiful and courageous 4 year old little boy to cancer.
And, this month alone.....
I watch from afar as a fellow HOH restarts a difficult battle with the disease,
I arrange my schedule to synchronize my chemo treatments with the chemo treatments of a dear childhood friend,
I will attend a benefit for a local cancer fighter from my hometown,
I celebrated the life of a friend I lost to cancer, on her birthday, without her,
I talk almost daily to a mom who is distraught with the grief of having a son-in-law with cancer and the effects it has on the whole young family,
and daily I gulp down sleeping pills and painkillers to try and continue life as usual with rib pain due to my own damn cancer.
And then, after all of that, people have the nerve to say to me, "why do you do relay?", "don't you have enough on your plate?".....
I can't think of one reason why I shouldn't do relay. I don't know how I could sleep at night, knowing what I know, and feeling how I feel and not do relay. I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for not trying to fight back against this disease! I have lost too much....I will lose too much in the future....and every second I doubt my strength to go on, I vow to put one more dollar into the pot.
One more dollar to help others go on.
One more dollar towards research to cure a disease that takes kids, and moms, and dads....sisters....brothers...beloved friends....
One more dollar to help a young lady learn how to paint on eyebrows and feel pretty so that she maintains the self-esteem needed to keep fighting for her life.
How could I sleep?......
What am I thankful for?!
The will, and the ability, to FIGHT BACK!
This month alone....
I had a friend lose her stepmom to cancer,
I had a friend lose a friend to cancer,
and I watched in sorrow as my community lost a beautiful and courageous 4 year old little boy to cancer.
And, this month alone.....
I watch from afar as a fellow HOH restarts a difficult battle with the disease,
I arrange my schedule to synchronize my chemo treatments with the chemo treatments of a dear childhood friend,
I will attend a benefit for a local cancer fighter from my hometown,
I celebrated the life of a friend I lost to cancer, on her birthday, without her,
I talk almost daily to a mom who is distraught with the grief of having a son-in-law with cancer and the effects it has on the whole young family,
and daily I gulp down sleeping pills and painkillers to try and continue life as usual with rib pain due to my own damn cancer.
And then, after all of that, people have the nerve to say to me, "why do you do relay?", "don't you have enough on your plate?".....
I can't think of one reason why I shouldn't do relay. I don't know how I could sleep at night, knowing what I know, and feeling how I feel and not do relay. I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for not trying to fight back against this disease! I have lost too much....I will lose too much in the future....and every second I doubt my strength to go on, I vow to put one more dollar into the pot.
One more dollar to help others go on.
One more dollar towards research to cure a disease that takes kids, and moms, and dads....sisters....brothers...beloved friends....
One more dollar to help a young lady learn how to paint on eyebrows and feel pretty so that she maintains the self-esteem needed to keep fighting for her life.
How could I sleep?......
What am I thankful for?!
The will, and the ability, to FIGHT BACK!
2.26.2009
Results!
No changes! It's all good!!!
What am I thankful for?!
The warm-ish weather we have had the last couple of days!
What am I thankful for?!
The warm-ish weather we have had the last couple of days!
2.24.2009
Tests
Tomorrow I am having an MRI of my spine and rib x-rays due to increased pain over the last month or two. Here is to hoping it is just muscle tension.
The doctor said they would get the test results ASAP, so I should be able to BLOG my results tomorrow night.
Happy FAT TUESDAY to you all!
What am I thankful for?!
My two amazing children! They are the light of my life!
The doctor said they would get the test results ASAP, so I should be able to BLOG my results tomorrow night.
Happy FAT TUESDAY to you all!
What am I thankful for?!
My two amazing children! They are the light of my life!
2.07.2009
February already?!?!
I have been so crazy lately with the holidays, my computer being down for 3 weeks and my surgeries! I ended up with one more surgery at the beginning of this year to repair my hysterectomy. My stitches dissolved before my body was able to heal. Bummer. I am two weeks or so out from that, and so far so good!
Relay meetings are in full swing now, so I have our website up and going. I am excited about that. Perseverance Rocks! I am on the executive committee for our relay, I am a team captain again, and I am on a divisional work group for the Heroes of Hope program! I get to go to Dallas this month for the HOH workgroup. I work with such amazing people through relay. It is amazing what the ACS is able to do. They have a large and dedicated volunteer base! It is amazing the amount of work they convince us to do for free! LOL We all have our reasons! And most of us have MANY reasons!
What am I thankful for?! Optimism (no matter what).
Relay meetings are in full swing now, so I have our website up and going. I am excited about that. Perseverance Rocks! I am on the executive committee for our relay, I am a team captain again, and I am on a divisional work group for the Heroes of Hope program! I get to go to Dallas this month for the HOH workgroup. I work with such amazing people through relay. It is amazing what the ACS is able to do. They have a large and dedicated volunteer base! It is amazing the amount of work they convince us to do for free! LOL We all have our reasons! And most of us have MANY reasons!
What am I thankful for?! Optimism (no matter what).
12.17.2008
BAD NEWS!
At 10pm I ran out of Rocky Road ice cream!
Good news, cookies and cream ice cream doesn't suck. I put a hurtin' on that at 3am when I let the dog out to potty! I have to go back to work before I need to order a larger office chair! Can someone go into my office and measure the width of my chair? I need to know how close I am getting! Just comment back, and let me know!
What am I thankful for?!
Cymbalta! If you are crazy too, you will know what I mean!
Good news, cookies and cream ice cream doesn't suck. I put a hurtin' on that at 3am when I let the dog out to potty! I have to go back to work before I need to order a larger office chair! Can someone go into my office and measure the width of my chair? I need to know how close I am getting! Just comment back, and let me know!
What am I thankful for?!
Cymbalta! If you are crazy too, you will know what I mean!
12.15.2008
Recovering
So, I decided that I don't make a very good patient, because all I do is pout around about all the things I should be doing. I am trying to watch the movies that Dan brought me to keep me occupied, but I keep pausing the movie to do things, like straighten things in the living room, and since I am not supposed to lift much, I made 20 trips to the washer to put clothes in piece by piece! I can't watch a movie knowing that a pile of dirt clothes is just sitting there!
I also realized that I am addicted to ice cream! That was the first thing I ate in the hospital after my fasting for surgery, and now I can't seem to stop eating it! Rocky Road is my favorite at the moment, and the worst so far is Birthday Cake Ice Cream. It is way too sweet!
A friend of mine also brought over homemade tacos for the whole family on my first night home, and a get well kit with all the necessities, like flashy earrings, holiday bangles, colored lip shimmer, a fancy red clutch, crazy knee-high socks, a monkey game....what more could a girl want? I am glammed out for my trip from the bed to the bathroom!
The kids have been keeping close tabs on me, and they love the fact that they are getting ice cream before bed every night! Skye loves to help, so he took the bandaides off my stomach last night so I could shower. I have 5 small incisions on my belly where the went in with the robot and camera to look around. The figured that since they were going to have me under anesthesia anyway, they might as well take a look around an see what is going on in there with their own eyes! My gyn oncologist is Dr. Morris, and he is GREAT! He said that they did not see any cancer anywhere with the camera. He said that pathology would look at everything they took out and get back to me in about a week. That was good news!
I am ultra bummed for my friend Tracy. She just shaved her head. Her hair is falling out from the chemo. For goodness sake it is 7 degrees out!!! She will get good use out of the Packers stocking cap! Lucky for her she is blessed with a nice head and cute little ears! If you are a girl, or even you guys, give a little thanks for your hair. You don't think about how much you use it to define you until it falls out. And in most situations it falls out in the middle of a life trauma....cancer. Cancer not only beats you up on the inside and threatens your life, but at the same time it puts a major strain on your self-esteem with the hair loss, acne, weight gain from steroids (or eating too much ice cream), and some people even lose their finger and toe nails. Not only do you have to live, but you have to know that you are worth fighting for even though you feel like crap! Tracy P, I know you are worth fighting for, and I know that you know it too! You are lucky to have a great support network, including a hubby who loves your bald little head, because it is a part of you now, and...your hair might affect your looks, but it doesn't affect who you are, and you are BEAUTIFUL!
Well, I better get going, I gotta unpause that movie. At this rate it will take me 3 weeks to watch it.
What am I thankful for?!
For my hair. For the drugs that are making Tracy better. For Rocky Road ice cream.
I also realized that I am addicted to ice cream! That was the first thing I ate in the hospital after my fasting for surgery, and now I can't seem to stop eating it! Rocky Road is my favorite at the moment, and the worst so far is Birthday Cake Ice Cream. It is way too sweet!
A friend of mine also brought over homemade tacos for the whole family on my first night home, and a get well kit with all the necessities, like flashy earrings, holiday bangles, colored lip shimmer, a fancy red clutch, crazy knee-high socks, a monkey game....what more could a girl want? I am glammed out for my trip from the bed to the bathroom!
The kids have been keeping close tabs on me, and they love the fact that they are getting ice cream before bed every night! Skye loves to help, so he took the bandaides off my stomach last night so I could shower. I have 5 small incisions on my belly where the went in with the robot and camera to look around. The figured that since they were going to have me under anesthesia anyway, they might as well take a look around an see what is going on in there with their own eyes! My gyn oncologist is Dr. Morris, and he is GREAT! He said that they did not see any cancer anywhere with the camera. He said that pathology would look at everything they took out and get back to me in about a week. That was good news!
I am ultra bummed for my friend Tracy. She just shaved her head. Her hair is falling out from the chemo. For goodness sake it is 7 degrees out!!! She will get good use out of the Packers stocking cap! Lucky for her she is blessed with a nice head and cute little ears! If you are a girl, or even you guys, give a little thanks for your hair. You don't think about how much you use it to define you until it falls out. And in most situations it falls out in the middle of a life trauma....cancer. Cancer not only beats you up on the inside and threatens your life, but at the same time it puts a major strain on your self-esteem with the hair loss, acne, weight gain from steroids (or eating too much ice cream), and some people even lose their finger and toe nails. Not only do you have to live, but you have to know that you are worth fighting for even though you feel like crap! Tracy P, I know you are worth fighting for, and I know that you know it too! You are lucky to have a great support network, including a hubby who loves your bald little head, because it is a part of you now, and...your hair might affect your looks, but it doesn't affect who you are, and you are BEAUTIFUL!
Well, I better get going, I gotta unpause that movie. At this rate it will take me 3 weeks to watch it.
What am I thankful for?!
For my hair. For the drugs that are making Tracy better. For Rocky Road ice cream.
12.08.2008
New look!
Well, I spent all my time updating my BLOG to the new template that I don't really have time to type much! I tried forever to move my site counter up higher, but can't seem to figure it out, so that is now all the way down at the bottom, is anyone cares. It is a little off, but with that many hits, who can keep track anyway?! =)
I am all recovered-ish from my colorectal surgery, and I start a clear liquid diet tomorrow along with a two day colon cleanse beginning on Wednesday, all in preparation for Friday's hysterectomy. I don't anticipate any problems with this surgery either. I can't tell you how excited I am for the fasting and prepping, but in preparation of the preparation I ate M&M's, pop tarts, Jimmy John's, and a taco salad as big as my head and right now I am just finishing up a Coors Light. One couldn't hurt, right?! Surely not after the Dancing Queen show I put on Friday night during a night out with the girls to the local gay bar! They always have the best dancing at those gay bars! Well, except when I go, I ugly it up tall, blond, white girl style! Oh dear! Real friends would not have let me dance with my scarf swirling overhead! (You know who you are!)
Hope everyone is doing well! And recovering from all that turkey!
What am I thankful for?!
The ability to take one day at a time. I am also thankful for Tracy's drive down memory lane! It is good to do that ever now and then.
I am all recovered-ish from my colorectal surgery, and I start a clear liquid diet tomorrow along with a two day colon cleanse beginning on Wednesday, all in preparation for Friday's hysterectomy. I don't anticipate any problems with this surgery either. I can't tell you how excited I am for the fasting and prepping, but in preparation of the preparation I ate M&M's, pop tarts, Jimmy John's, and a taco salad as big as my head and right now I am just finishing up a Coors Light. One couldn't hurt, right?! Surely not after the Dancing Queen show I put on Friday night during a night out with the girls to the local gay bar! They always have the best dancing at those gay bars! Well, except when I go, I ugly it up tall, blond, white girl style! Oh dear! Real friends would not have let me dance with my scarf swirling overhead! (You know who you are!)
Hope everyone is doing well! And recovering from all that turkey!
What am I thankful for?!
The ability to take one day at a time. I am also thankful for Tracy's drive down memory lane! It is good to do that ever now and then.
11.25.2008
Sad news!
Well, since she has started a BLOG, I think it is safe to pass on to you that one of my best friends, going way back, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. This is sad news for me, and even more sad news for her. I hate the idea of anyone going through this, especially a dear friend!
I found out on my way home from our Dominican trip. I cried all the way through the airport and lit up everyone's phones until I got ahold of someone who could give me more information.
I hope that she knows that I would and WILL do anything in the world for her!
If you would like to check out Tracy's blog, here is the address- http://mynewreality-tracy.blogspot.com/
Keep her in your thoughts and prayers! I know I have wonderful people looking after me, and I hope that you will include her. In high school we were never referred to alone, we were always The Tracy's or The Blondie's! Now we are The little Miss Cancer Pants'! Some things I wish we didn't have to share.
What am I thankful for?!
I am thankful that her cancer did not spread to her lymphnodes and beyond! She is going to kick cancers butt!
I found out on my way home from our Dominican trip. I cried all the way through the airport and lit up everyone's phones until I got ahold of someone who could give me more information.
I hope that she knows that I would and WILL do anything in the world for her!
If you would like to check out Tracy's blog, here is the address- http://mynewreality-tracy.blogspot.com/
Keep her in your thoughts and prayers! I know I have wonderful people looking after me, and I hope that you will include her. In high school we were never referred to alone, we were always The Tracy's or The Blondie's! Now we are The little Miss Cancer Pants'! Some things I wish we didn't have to share.
What am I thankful for?!
I am thankful that her cancer did not spread to her lymphnodes and beyond! She is going to kick cancers butt!
11.22.2008
Here come the Holidays!
Seems like I spend a good share of time thinking about medical things during the holidays.
The kiddos and I are going to spend Thanksgiving with my Grandparents and mom in Branson MO. The last few years Dan and I have been going seperate ways over thanksgiving in order to see our own families, and the kids have been going with him. This year they are going to go with me. Their great Grandma and Grandpa Leff are so excited that they are coming to visit, and my mom is already on her way to Branson. Dan is going to spend the holiday with his family and that totally incredibly cute little niece, Zoey! She is the highlight of the holidays.
After our trip to Branson I will be out of commission for a little bit. The first week in December I am having some non-cancerous growths removed from my colon and the second week in December I am having a hysterectomy. Yippie!
Then it will be Christmas and on to the New Year....
What am I thankful for?!
HOPE.
The kiddos and I are going to spend Thanksgiving with my Grandparents and mom in Branson MO. The last few years Dan and I have been going seperate ways over thanksgiving in order to see our own families, and the kids have been going with him. This year they are going to go with me. Their great Grandma and Grandpa Leff are so excited that they are coming to visit, and my mom is already on her way to Branson. Dan is going to spend the holiday with his family and that totally incredibly cute little niece, Zoey! She is the highlight of the holidays.
After our trip to Branson I will be out of commission for a little bit. The first week in December I am having some non-cancerous growths removed from my colon and the second week in December I am having a hysterectomy. Yippie!
Then it will be Christmas and on to the New Year....
What am I thankful for?!
HOPE.
11.11.2008
Scan Results
Everything looks stable according to my scans. The only definate cancer is in my right seventh rib, which is completely replaced with tumor, but still not really bothering me much, and then some tiny, questional spots at T3, T8, and T11 of my spine.
So... I consider this another win for me!
What am I thankful for?!?!
The doctors that are taking such good care of me now. And everyone at Midwest Cancer Imaging Center, for making scan day fun, not stressful! You all rock! See you in 3 weeks for my MUGA!
So... I consider this another win for me!
What am I thankful for?!?!
The doctors that are taking such good care of me now. And everyone at Midwest Cancer Imaging Center, for making scan day fun, not stressful! You all rock! See you in 3 weeks for my MUGA!
10.20.2008
Days go by....
It has been awhile since I have last typed a BLOG. My friend in hospice passed away, and time went on. My kids started 4th and 1st grade, and time went on. Michelle and I went to Dallas and received an award on behalf of team Perseverance, and time went on.
My latest news is that I am headed to the Dominican Republic with Dan and some friends on vacation. The sun and sand should be nice!!!
I had treatment today, and because of some worsening anemia and constant fatigue, I will be having an upper GI and a colonoscopy this Thursday. The week we get back from vacation I will be going back in for CT scans! Everything always happens at once, and then......time goes on.
What am I thankful for?!
The opportunity to go to the beach. I am very thankful for that! I know that it is a luxury. Each day I have should be considered a luxury.
My latest news is that I am headed to the Dominican Republic with Dan and some friends on vacation. The sun and sand should be nice!!!
I had treatment today, and because of some worsening anemia and constant fatigue, I will be having an upper GI and a colonoscopy this Thursday. The week we get back from vacation I will be going back in for CT scans! Everything always happens at once, and then......time goes on.
What am I thankful for?!
The opportunity to go to the beach. I am very thankful for that! I know that it is a luxury. Each day I have should be considered a luxury.
8.21.2008
One of my ACS video's and my e-mail address
Well, I knew that it would happen sometime, but a video of me is now on the www! Here is the address if you want to check it out: www.sharinghope.tv/video/2050485
Also, I have gotten a lot of requests for my e-mail address, because several people want to be able to correspond with me without it being posted on my BLOG for everyone in cyberspace to read. So...my address is tmarymoon@gmail.com. Please e-mail me with any comments or questions you may have, and I will try to respond as quickly as possible!
Mean people need not e-mail!
What am I thankful for?!
Friends that I haven't seen forever! And...video editors that make me look better at this stuff than I really am!
Drew- I hope your mom is doing well! I had no idea she was a BC survivor. And, your father-in-law will be in my thoughts!
Also, I have gotten a lot of requests for my e-mail address, because several people want to be able to correspond with me without it being posted on my BLOG for everyone in cyberspace to read. So...my address is tmarymoon@gmail.com. Please e-mail me with any comments or questions you may have, and I will try to respond as quickly as possible!
Mean people need not e-mail!
What am I thankful for?!
Friends that I haven't seen forever! And...video editors that make me look better at this stuff than I really am!
Drew- I hope your mom is doing well! I had no idea she was a BC survivor. And, your father-in-law will be in my thoughts!
8.14.2008
And....
....another shining star goes on hospice....hearts break.
What am I thankful for?!
Sometimes it is hard to be thankful during hard times, but I guess I am thankful for hospice nurses. They must have hearts of gold to be able to care for people during such emotionally and physically difficult times. I am reading a book called "Glimpses of Heaven" by Trudy Harris, RN. She was a hospice nurse and tells stories of peoples last days/minutes here on Earth. It is very spiritual and makes me less fearful of death.
8.03.2008
Relay is over. Now what?
It has been so busy that I haven't had any time to type. Relay was an amazing success! Our $35000 fundraising goal was blown out of the water....the money tallying is not yet complete by the ACS, but it looks like we might have reached $50000!!!!!! That is so unbelievable to me. I don't think I have quite grasped it yet! Much thanks to the Brunings, the Dominators, my DDS'ers, and team Perseverance!!!! Wow, each year Relay has gotten bigger and bigger! It is such an emotional night to end all the FUN-draising chaos!
During the opening ceremonies we had 11 team members receive $1000+ fundraising t-shirts! How amazing is that! Team Perseverance is made up of ROCKSTARS! Then I got to accept a check for $10000 from WalMart! They helped us SAVE OUR HAIR! How great is that! It was crazy! They gave me one of those huge-mongous checks, like publishers clearinghouse! How fun was that! I cried on the poor man's shoulder! I am sure he was wondering what kind of nut I was. How amazing! That money will help so many people right here in Nebraska!
The luminary ceremony was emotional as always, but I was so busy that I didnt have time to get the luminaries from my parents and my kiddos together and was so worried that I wouldn't get them lit before other people started lighting them. It worked out, but I was tired, and I think it was just all so emotional that I was not handling things very well. Also, this year was extra hard because I just lost Kim this year, our friend Jason started chemo, my friend from work is struggling with her treatments, and my friend Katy just lost her sister in May. We thought Katy's sister would be here this year to walk with us, but I guess a higher power had different plans for her. It was a rough night for her family, and my heart ached for them.
I shared speaking duties with my friend Eric this year in our Fight Back ceremony which was held RIGHT after the luminaries. So, in my emotional state I hear the announcement over the loud speakers that the Fight Back Ceremony would be starting in a matter of minutes, and I just couldn't pull it together that fast. Eric has also been through a lot this year, and adding those emotions to the emotions I was already having just sent me over the edge. I cried through the whole thing! CANCER IS JUST NOT FAIR! The rest of the night I just tried to zone out and when the sun rose in the morning we all headed home and went to bed.
The last few days following Relay have been hard. I found myself sitting in the cemetary crying, and not being able to stop. I had spent the last year speaking at Relay events and the last 6 months fundraising. I did it in all the free time that I had. I wanted to make a difference, and I was working hard at it. Cancer hit my friends over and over throughout the year, and I was doing everything I could do to fight back. But when Relay was all said and done, and the money was turned in, I felt an immense sense of saddness.....all that work and my friends that cancer had taken were still gone, and my sick friends were still sick, and I still had to go to chemo on Monday morning. I should have felt such joy in all that we had accomplished! I should have been excited, but I couldn't help just feeling sad that we still do not have a cure. But I have no doubt that we will be one step closer and that many, many cancer patients will benefit from the many services that the ACS provides. I am trying to focus on that......
What am I thankful for?!
Sunny days, candlelight, and Hope for the future.
During the opening ceremonies we had 11 team members receive $1000+ fundraising t-shirts! How amazing is that! Team Perseverance is made up of ROCKSTARS! Then I got to accept a check for $10000 from WalMart! They helped us SAVE OUR HAIR! How great is that! It was crazy! They gave me one of those huge-mongous checks, like publishers clearinghouse! How fun was that! I cried on the poor man's shoulder! I am sure he was wondering what kind of nut I was. How amazing! That money will help so many people right here in Nebraska!
The luminary ceremony was emotional as always, but I was so busy that I didnt have time to get the luminaries from my parents and my kiddos together and was so worried that I wouldn't get them lit before other people started lighting them. It worked out, but I was tired, and I think it was just all so emotional that I was not handling things very well. Also, this year was extra hard because I just lost Kim this year, our friend Jason started chemo, my friend from work is struggling with her treatments, and my friend Katy just lost her sister in May. We thought Katy's sister would be here this year to walk with us, but I guess a higher power had different plans for her. It was a rough night for her family, and my heart ached for them.
I shared speaking duties with my friend Eric this year in our Fight Back ceremony which was held RIGHT after the luminaries. So, in my emotional state I hear the announcement over the loud speakers that the Fight Back Ceremony would be starting in a matter of minutes, and I just couldn't pull it together that fast. Eric has also been through a lot this year, and adding those emotions to the emotions I was already having just sent me over the edge. I cried through the whole thing! CANCER IS JUST NOT FAIR! The rest of the night I just tried to zone out and when the sun rose in the morning we all headed home and went to bed.
The last few days following Relay have been hard. I found myself sitting in the cemetary crying, and not being able to stop. I had spent the last year speaking at Relay events and the last 6 months fundraising. I did it in all the free time that I had. I wanted to make a difference, and I was working hard at it. Cancer hit my friends over and over throughout the year, and I was doing everything I could do to fight back. But when Relay was all said and done, and the money was turned in, I felt an immense sense of saddness.....all that work and my friends that cancer had taken were still gone, and my sick friends were still sick, and I still had to go to chemo on Monday morning. I should have felt such joy in all that we had accomplished! I should have been excited, but I couldn't help just feeling sad that we still do not have a cure. But I have no doubt that we will be one step closer and that many, many cancer patients will benefit from the many services that the ACS provides. I am trying to focus on that......
What am I thankful for?!
Sunny days, candlelight, and Hope for the future.
6.19.2008
I relay....
I relay …
I started to relay because my kids were 2 and 5 years old, and I thought their mommy was dying. I was desperate to do anything that might lead to a cure or at the very least… stall the inevitable.
I continued to relay because I became a part of a community that I understood and loved and who understood and loved me. It didn’t matter if I was sad, mad, scared, excited, nervous, confused or apprehensive. They always understood, and never said, “Don’t think like that”. They understood that when you face cancer, there is nothing you don’t think about.
I relay today because when I was diagnosed I knew no one who had cancer, and since that time I have had many friends diagnosed with cancer and three who have already died.
I relay today because I have more things left to see and do.
I relay today because I am tired of going to the cemetery to talk to the one friend who might REALLY know how I feel.
I relay today because I can’t hear her answers to the questions I am asking. I relay today because her children drop off her mother’s day gifts at the cemetery.
I relay today because I refuse to believe that this is how it is meant to be.
I will relay tomorrow because I don’t give up.
I will relay tomorrow because there has to be a reason why I am still here and my friends are not, and I don’t yet know what that reason is.
I will relay tomorrow because I have friends that aren’t yet cured.
I will relay tomorrow because the memories of those that have gone before me are never to be forgotten and should be honored to the fullest.
I will relay tomorrow because I don’t want my children or your children to die from cancer.
I will relay tomorrow because Relay has given me so much and I want to give back.
I will relay tomorrow because…I love you.
What am I thankful for?!
The Dama-mamas, my friends (some here, and some playing supporting roles in other states), my coworkers, my ACSers, my family, my husband, and MY CHILDREN...oh, and you too, Taz!
I started to relay because my kids were 2 and 5 years old, and I thought their mommy was dying. I was desperate to do anything that might lead to a cure or at the very least… stall the inevitable.
I continued to relay because I became a part of a community that I understood and loved and who understood and loved me. It didn’t matter if I was sad, mad, scared, excited, nervous, confused or apprehensive. They always understood, and never said, “Don’t think like that”. They understood that when you face cancer, there is nothing you don’t think about.
I relay today because when I was diagnosed I knew no one who had cancer, and since that time I have had many friends diagnosed with cancer and three who have already died.
I relay today because I have more things left to see and do.
I relay today because I am tired of going to the cemetery to talk to the one friend who might REALLY know how I feel.
I relay today because I can’t hear her answers to the questions I am asking. I relay today because her children drop off her mother’s day gifts at the cemetery.
I relay today because I refuse to believe that this is how it is meant to be.
I will relay tomorrow because I don’t give up.
I will relay tomorrow because there has to be a reason why I am still here and my friends are not, and I don’t yet know what that reason is.
I will relay tomorrow because I have friends that aren’t yet cured.
I will relay tomorrow because the memories of those that have gone before me are never to be forgotten and should be honored to the fullest.
I will relay tomorrow because I don’t want my children or your children to die from cancer.
I will relay tomorrow because Relay has given me so much and I want to give back.
I will relay tomorrow because…I love you.
What am I thankful for?!
The Dama-mamas, my friends (some here, and some playing supporting roles in other states), my coworkers, my ACSers, my family, my husband, and MY CHILDREN...oh, and you too, Taz!
6.18.2008
6.08.2008
Summer is a busy time
Well, it is a busy time of the year! We have had more baseball games than I can count, and the kids are happy to finally be playing outside again....and so am I! I have been doing some speaking still for Relay, and just had to have my chemo port replaced this last week.
This coming Friday I have scans again and will get my results the following Monday. YES....I am aware that I said I was never going to wait for scan results over a weekend again, but that is the only time they could do them! I have a busy weekend, so I don't think I will have time to worry about them anyway.
What am I thankful for?!
Time with my children!
This coming Friday I have scans again and will get my results the following Monday. YES....I am aware that I said I was never going to wait for scan results over a weekend again, but that is the only time they could do them! I have a busy weekend, so I don't think I will have time to worry about them anyway.
What am I thankful for?!
Time with my children!
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