My best days...

This weekend was not only difficult, but wonderful. On Friday night I had the honor of speaking at two Relay For Life events, one at Creighton University and one a UNO. As always, I met people who are fighting the fight. I talked with people, laughed with people, and cried with people. We came together for a common goal, and that goal being Celebrating, Remembering, and Fighting Back! I celebrated with those who fought and won. I cried for those I lost, and I felt empowered by having the opportunity to Fight Back against cancer by passing on a strong message of early detection and being proactive with ones own health. We are our own best advocates!
On Saturday morning I was able to run a road race with my two best guys, Skye Pie and Lakers! I am so proud of them! One mile is a long way to run when you have short little legs! I ran a 5K and was happy to finish without having to stop and walk! I haven't run in months, so I was happy with that!
Today, I went to a benefit in my hometown. It is tragicly sad to see a beautiful young family affected by cancer, and I was overcome with emotion as I walked in, and had to take a moment. The benefit looked to be quite a success, and I am proud to say I am from Seward, as the community really comes together when one of their own is in need of help! I feel blessed to be a part of that.
Honestly, there is nothing better than paying it forward!
What am I thankful for!?! Being asked to help.

Thank you for 4 years of support!

Dear Friends and Family:

Looking back on 4 years of SURVIVORSHIP...of LIFE. My 4 year anniversary is a celebration of life, of potential, of hopes, perseverance, and of friendship! I hope that you read this BLOG and know that I THANK YOU for all that you have done for me over the last 4 years!

When I first heard that I had cancer, I was sad, but optimistic. Then, a week later, when I heard the extent of my cancer, I was terrified. I was scared to leave behind 2 children that had not had enough time to get to know me, and I was scared that I was going to let down my family and friends by leaving them too soon. I was not ready go…. Things were left undone…

I searched the Internet for treatments, diets, cleanses, and Hope. The statistics said I had only a 20% chance of living 5 years. So, I turned to God and I prayed for a miracle. I did a lot of soul searching, I started journals for my children, and I spent more time in front of the camera than behind it! I wanted to capture memories, thoughts, moments, wisdom and laughter for my children. I wanted them to know that finding peace and happiness, no matter what your circumstances, is the key to life. I wanted to teach them to laugh and show them how to smile!

Over the last 4 years, I feel like I have demonstrated this too them with the help of all of you! You all make me happy and you make me smile in your own special ways. The last 4 years have been no walk in the park. There have been very hard and very dark times for me along the way, but you all have gotten me through with a smile on my face….(most of the time)….and for that I am eternally grateful!

So now here we are, just one year from my 5 year mark…and do you know what I think?…I think I am going to blow it out of the water!!! 10 years….here I come!

Thank you for:
laughing with me*crying with me*holding my hand*saving my funny texts*sitting under a tree*saving second base*running the Komen*marker pimping*dancing like a rockstar*being patient with me*being a DAMA-MAMA or PAPA*letting me share my story*daring me*coloring my hair pink*surviving with me*being persistent*making me laugh*listening even when what I have to say is hard to hear*rekindling that old friendship*having faith in me*pushing me*videotaping my story(take 32)*letting me give you a piggyback ride*telling me that I am not too old to pierce my nose*wanting more for yourself and letting me help you get it*sharing my wigs and hats with me*e-mailing me*calling me even though you know I never answer*inviting me to dinner*fundraising with me*running next to me*running ahead of me in silent encouragement*inviting me into your family*letting me win*letting me walk*sharing your drink*buying me sushi*writing your “why I relay” stories*understanding me*pretending to when you don’t*forgiving me*never forgetting*sharing music*watching movies*swimming in the ocean*skinny-dipping in March*going to Disney*renting a limo*singing over me*letting me pick*giving me faith*finding Hope*stocking my freezer*threatening to put a bean up your nose to make me laugh*dancing in the rain*holding me*hugs and kisses*sharing your strength*knowing when to be silent*knowing when to scream*knowing when an inappropriate joke is appropriate*not letting me jump*taking my picture*sharing your story*rubbing my feet*sharing your candy bar*asking how I am*knowing when fine doesn’t mean fine* calling me adorable when clearly I am losing it*finding me $10,000*saving my hair*sitting with me at baseball games*making me feel like a part of the group*not making me sing Karaoke*coming to my party*being in my life*riding the mechanical bull*going on girls trips*helping me understand*helping me forget*letting me forgive*painting my nails*telling me when I have spinach in my teeth*hottubbing*being my FB friend*wearing pasties on the beach*sharing chapstick*loving me despite me*buying and sporting things with pink ribbons on them*using pink ribbon checks*leaving peanut butter twix on my desk when I am out*making me a journal*saving pictures of you and I*driving 8 hours for this party*visiting me*sitting in the driveway*scheduling your vacations with me*telling me when I am nuts, not stopping me*loving my children like your own*wearing pink awareness or LIVESTRONG bands*BEING A PART OF ME FOREVER!*

What am I thankful for?! YOU!


I am a mess!

Well, I don't know what the deal is...is there more cancer out there? Do I just notice it more? Do people just come to me with questions more since I have it? I don't know, but right now it seems like the whole world is going to be consumed by cancer. (Not me of course, because the all knowing FB quiz said I was going to die in my 70's during a tragic stripper pole accident!)

This month alone....
I had a friend lose her stepmom to cancer,
I had a friend lose a friend to cancer,
and I watched in sorrow as my community lost a beautiful and courageous 4 year old little boy to cancer.
And, this month alone.....
I watch from afar as a fellow HOH restarts a difficult battle with the disease,
I arrange my schedule to synchronize my chemo treatments with the chemo treatments of a dear childhood friend,
I will attend a benefit for a local cancer fighter from my hometown,
I celebrated the life of a friend I lost to cancer, on her birthday, without her,
I talk almost daily to a mom who is distraught with the grief of having a son-in-law with cancer and the effects it has on the whole young family,
and daily I gulp down sleeping pills and painkillers to try and continue life as usual with rib pain due to my own damn cancer.

And then, after all of that, people have the nerve to say to me, "why do you do relay?", "don't you have enough on your plate?".....

I can't think of one reason why I shouldn't do relay. I don't know how I could sleep at night, knowing what I know, and feeling how I feel and not do relay. I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for not trying to fight back against this disease! I have lost too much....I will lose too much in the future....and every second I doubt my strength to go on, I vow to put one more dollar into the pot.
One more dollar to help others go on.
One more dollar towards research to cure a disease that takes kids, and moms, and dads....sisters....brothers...beloved friends....
One more dollar to help a young lady learn how to paint on eyebrows and feel pretty so that she maintains the self-esteem needed to keep fighting for her life.
How could I sleep?......

What am I thankful for?!
The will, and the ability, to FIGHT BACK!