Dad shaved his head, what a surprise!

My counts were low today but not bottomed out, so I did get chemo! I will give myself shots Tues-Fri to boost them and keep them up.
I am going to start some more pain medication and another round of a different antibiotic to help my jaw.
Thankful for?! My bunny flip-flops, love them! And a bald daddy to be in my first posted bald picture!

The boys trying on scarves at the Image Recovery Center

ATTITUDE is everything!  *Tracy



I woke up with bad pain in my jaw, the meds aren't lasting all 12 hours. Hopefully they will build up in my system and start working better soon. They kicked in by the time we made it to church, so that was nice. Pastor Greg was talking about a woman in Honduras, where our church does mission work, who had 16 teeth pulled and was so happy and hugging and thanking everyone. I can't imagine the pain she must have been in with all those infected teeth and no medical or dental care! We are so blessed here in the US. What if I had to cope with cancer in a country where I had to live in a 4'X5' shack with dirty water that  made me sicker? I surely would have died in a few short months. I am so blessed to have healthcare, a decent home with clean running water, and electricity. 
After church Laken went with Dan to baseball practice and Skye and I had lunch and then went grocery shopping. We had to wait in the jeep awhile for my food to settle before shopping, but shopping on a nauseated stomach seemed to save me some money. Now we are at Skye's baseball practice till dark and then home for the night.
Dad will be up in the morning to take me to chemotherapy, and since school is out, the boys will be going too. I gave myself a shot yesterday, so hopefully my blood counts will be high enough to get treatment.
Thankful for!? Those individuals that are doing mission work in other countries and also the many that go out in our community and help the less fortunate right here. Skye and I will be helping out Matt Talbot soup kitchen twice this week.



Thankful for!? A great evening with my mom and my boys! FUN, FUN, FUN!!!

Osteonecrosis of the jaw, part II

Well, it was a little over a year ago that my jaw problems started thanks to the drug Zometa. They said that it would likely take from 6 to 18 mo for the bone to fall out and the pain to go away. What they didn't know to tell me was that another area of bone would become exposed just prior to that and that I would be in pain yet again. The pain has worsened over the last couple weeks, and now I am back on prescription pain medications. I really wish I had never taken the Zometa. I just don't think it slowed the progression of cancer in my bones enough to go through these mouth issues.
But, despite that, I am thankful today! Today my friend Mandi found out that her husbands cancer is not progressing. Thank goodness they went to MAYO!


New style...

The one thing I think I managed to do through the last 5 1/2 years of my treatment for metastatic breast cancer was to...not look sick. Most people didn't believe me when I would tell them my cancer story.
Today, I woke up with my bald head and thought to myself...I guess I need to buy a bunch of camo so I can make this look like a style CHOICE, but it wasn't a choice, was it!? Nope, as the hair flew, I thought DAMN CANCER TO HELL!
My only hope is that I can somehow make this "okay" for my boys. I took "funny" pics throughout the shaving process,  I bought hats, scarves, and a wig...I just want them to see me as mom and not see the cancer every time they look at me. Cancer is scary and I don't want them to be scared...not everytime they look at me, anyway. I know we all will be scared at times, I just hope it doesn't take long for us to look past the bald head.
Thankful for!? Heidi, Lori and Steve for making the process lighthearted. They were very good at making me smile and were sensitive to padding my self-esteem. Love you guys with all my heart! (Pics...Not quite ready to post those yet, but they will follow when the time is right.)

ATTITUDE is everything!  *Tracy


Oncology visit today:

Went to Omaha today. My blood counts are all back up and my white count is very high, which is good for me (it is due to the shots, not an infection).
I was able to get chemo and this next week I will only do one shot on saturday instead of monday, tuesday, and saturday. This should cut down on my bone pain. 
Chemo went pretty well, got sleepy for a bit, but no feeling sick as of now.
Laken had a football game tonight that I was able to go to. He had an interception that he ran for a touchdown!!!
Thankful that I was able to be there to see it!!!! Thankful for my sis who is always checking on me, my mom who brought over food for dinner and enough to freeze, and dad who went with me to chemo! I am lucky to have caring family members who all live so close!
Now for tomorrow? Maybe a smooth new do! My hair is no longer attached...when I run my fingers through it it rains down onto the floor. Might be time to just let it go.
Hope and Love, Tracy


Making Strides 2010


Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 2010! 
Thankful for!?! Wonderful family and friends!!! Thank you everyone!!!


Pink ribbons

Half-way through the month and I am already at the end of my emotional chain when it comes to pink ribbons, "cute" breast symbols on facebook statuses, etc. This month it is constant...all the things I do to forget about my cancer...internet, TV, shop (ok, I never shop, but if I did)...these things are all covered with breast cancer ribbons. Cute little pink ribbons...we should be putting them on baby girls at the hospital, now they represent a disease that I have been fighting without break for 5 1/2 years, and frankly, the disease is winning right now. The disease kills an estimated 40,000 women a year and it is estimated that over 190,000 women are newly diagnosed each year.
It is just too overwhelming. I know I get this way every October. At the beginning of the month it is cool, but then as the month goes on, it is just that 'awareness' once a week all year would be better than 100 times a day for one month. It's not like breast cancer is inactive all the other months. If you need proof, the blog goes way back.
SORRY, I know that isn't very inspiring, or that great attitude that I have been told I have, but that is how I am feeling, and that is what this blog is all about, my life with cancer. 
What am I thankful for!? Ice cream! I think I will have some right now.



Was worried about the fevers I have been having.  They come and go.  I talked to the doctors office and they said that they are likely tumor fevers. It has been found that liver tumors can cause fevers with chills in individuals with no evidence of infection. So, while it is not good to have liver tumors, at least I don't have to be worried about these fevers being caused by a dangerous or deadly infection. One less thing to worry about.
Also, the shots I have been taking have raised my white blood cells to almost normal! One more shot on Saturday and I should be good to go for chemo on Monday!
Thankful for!? A good afternoon with the boys, the ability to nap, and a little driveway time.



Just leaving the oral surgeon where he took a tool and pulled out a chunk of my jaw bone!
I made it back to the jeep and cranked the air before I had a chance to pass out. It didn't hurt, but it definately made me break out into a sweat. I think I will sit here awhile.
Thankful for!? That bone is no longer cutting up the side of my tongue!

ATTITUDE is everything!  *Tracy


Leukemia and Lymphoma walk: many blessings

ATTITUDE is everything!  *Tracy


ATTITUDE is everything! *Tracy


ATTITUDE is everything!  *Tracy

Did I fail to say below...?

That I am also thankful for the NUMEROUS blessings in my life?! Yep, I am, and they are out there and so thick that I can't begin to name them all in my very tired state of mind. Many of my blessings are in the form of family and friends near and far, surely you all know who you are!!! Love ya! -T

Yet another set back...

Went in for chemotherapy today, and no such luck. Was scheduled for 10 Mondays in a row and made it 2. Perfect. :( No chemo = no cancer killed. Hello!!!!??? I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS!!!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!!!!?????
My red blood cell counts were not quite low enough to get blood...thank you very little (be fine or be low enough to be fixed!).
My white blood cells were basically non-existent. WBC boosting shot today and tomorrow and then lab again on Wednesday. Antibiotics all week to keep infection away since I have nothing to fight back with (seems to be a theme here).
I am disappointed, of course, and at a time when someone I care about has been newly diagnosed with a lymphoma and will hopefully be starting treatment soon, given a "good enough bill of health".  (That part in quotes sounds pretty stupid.) GOOD GAWD ETHEL!!!! STOP THE MADNESS!!!!
Thankful for!? Making Strides Against Breast Cancer this coming Sunday. Registration is at noon. The walk is at 1pm. If I can't fight this breast cancer within my body this week I am sure as hell not going to let an opportunity pass to FIGHT for more breast cancer research, more breast cancer advocacy, and more services to help women just like myself who are stuck in the trenches of a fight they didn't ask for.  There may be pink ribbons on everything from cat food to nail clippers, but there are still women DYING of this disease. Pink isn't pretty to me. It isn't cute. Pink represents a deadly disease that is trying to steel my time with my children...To see them grow....To steal hugs and kisses in the car at school or before bed or any other time of the day.
Knowledge is power!
If you would like to donate or join me in my fight go to


You can't take away my cancer or my chemotherapy symptoms, but you can walk beside me and my family or support the American Cancer Society by visiting the website above.

Rough day. Thanks for reading.

ATTITUDE is everything!  *Tracy

God spoke to me today

I hate to admit it, but while we have been making it to confirmation every week, we have missed church the last few weeks due to family conflicts, football, and illness..
Then, today, after having been sicker than a dog on thur fri and sat, my symptoms improved such that we were able to make it to church and Laken even insisted on chuch with Skye and I over sunday school which is very unusual.
So, we walked into church...I gave a second glance to a big box of kleenex and decided that I was fine (really!?!?).
The service starts and we come to find that the lesson for today was "When God seems Silent".  How do we deal with storms in our lives, such as a cancer diagnosis or an inability to find employment, when we pray and pray and God doesn't seem to be answering our prayers? The boys and I looked at each other and I knew I should have grabbed those kleenex!
It was a fantastic sermon for all of us, and I am thankful that God lead us there today to hear it!
As for the rest of the day I felt pretty well other than some jaw issues and probably very low hemoglobin. I am hoping they will give me a blood transfusion tomorrow after chemotherapy.
Skye won his last football game tonight and had 2 touchowns! He was the MVP of the game and got a gift certificate from the organization.
The boys and I finished the night with dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings (skyes fav) and ice cream from Zestos. We snuggled and read in our books for over an hour and then they hit the sack.
Unfortunately I took some pain medication for my jaw and will now be awake all night despite also taking a sleeping pill. Brightside- I am getting caught up on facebook. Ha!
What am I thankful for!? A great church, compassionate and intelligent children, and perfect temperatures on this beautiful October day! I love wearing jeans and flip flops!

ATTITUDE is everything!  *Tracy


Having cancer can make you feel very alone...no matter how many people are around.
It is hard to help someone fight a battle that is being waged within their body...

What am I thankful for?! Bedtime.