This week I had a MUGA scan and treatment. Treatment was uneventful as always. I am anemic, so I have some new fun vitamins to take! Unfortunately my MUGA scan showed that my heart function has dropped by 17%, and my ejection fraction (EF) is only 60%. This isn't necessary a bad EF, but when coupled with my situation it is, because if my EF drops to 55% then they will take me off of the Herceptin. Herceptin, while it has none of the typical chemo side effects, like losing your hair and throwing up, it does threaten to harm your heart. But, I am sure it will go back up...I mean, I have Angels and all and I just ran a 10k last weekend!!!! If my EF doesn't go back up then they will probably give me a little break from treatment to build up my system a little, and the new drug Tykerb is now out. It is taken in combination with Xeloda, and is very promising for those of us with metastatic breast cancer. I actually know 2 people that just started it, so hopefully it will do the job! They are in my thoughts always!
So about that 10k! Wow, that was hard(and WINDY), but it was not nearly as hard as some of the things that are going on with others right now! The pain was GOOD pain and I am SO THANKFUL that I was able to run! As inspiration to keep me running when I didn't think I could, I borrowed a permanent marked from the track trailer and wrote "Jeff" on the back of one hand. He will ALWAYS be my running partner, and although he is no longer here physically I know he is with me when I run, if only in spirit. Only the other hand, I wrote the name of a friend...may God be with her and her family. I think about them several times a day, and they are in my heart always! I guess some things are just not meant to be understood.
On a happier note, when I was 1st diagnosed with cancer, I didn't think that I would be here to see my youngest son go to kindergarten, as he was only 2 years old at the time, but yesterday I got to take him to Kindergarten Visitation!!!! Chalk that up as one of the happiest moments in my life!
What am I thankful for?! Arbor day (yep, I have the day off!), Kindergarten, running partners who are my strength daily even though they don't know it, the journals I have started for my children (I have been meaning to do that for so long), and the rain.
4.27.2007
4.03.2007
Test Results
Quick update.
I am not very inspired to blog right now.
CANCER SUCKS...and I just feel too angry right now to deal with it.
Miraculously, I am doing well, so my anger and sadness isn't directed at my disease this time.
I had CT scans of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis, and while I still have cancer in a rib and a vertebra, it is not progressing, and that is great for me and my family.
Unfortunately, not everyone who has dealt with cancer in the past or is dealing with cancer right now, always gets the same good results I have gotten this week.
I am so lucky, and I know that...and, deep down I count my blessings, but I also feel guilty. I feel guilty that I am doing so well when I have peers who are not.
There was also a time (despite my true happiness for them and their families) I have felt jealous of those who have been "cured". I feel guilty having those kinds of feelings, but I guess that might be part of what makes me human.
Dealing with cancer is such an up and down experience, and I am learning how to appreciate what I have in my life each and every day.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful for good scans, a loving family, and the strength and courage of my cancer diagnosed peers who have fought or are fighting tough battles....you are my HEROS.
GOD, please be with those who are are having harder times than I!
I am not very inspired to blog right now.
CANCER SUCKS...and I just feel too angry right now to deal with it.
Miraculously, I am doing well, so my anger and sadness isn't directed at my disease this time.
I had CT scans of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis, and while I still have cancer in a rib and a vertebra, it is not progressing, and that is great for me and my family.
Unfortunately, not everyone who has dealt with cancer in the past or is dealing with cancer right now, always gets the same good results I have gotten this week.
I am so lucky, and I know that...and, deep down I count my blessings, but I also feel guilty. I feel guilty that I am doing so well when I have peers who are not.
There was also a time (despite my true happiness for them and their families) I have felt jealous of those who have been "cured". I feel guilty having those kinds of feelings, but I guess that might be part of what makes me human.
Dealing with cancer is such an up and down experience, and I am learning how to appreciate what I have in my life each and every day.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful for good scans, a loving family, and the strength and courage of my cancer diagnosed peers who have fought or are fighting tough battles....you are my HEROS.
GOD, please be with those who are are having harder times than I!
3.14.2007
3.10.2007
Relay for Life Event Advertisement
Okay, I am going to attempt this public speaking thing again. And because I want your Relay money, I am going to post the info about the event! If you come, expect the play to be good, and my part to be a little shakey! I am very nervous, but it is my story, and I think people should know that cancer can happen to anyone. Breast cancer doesn't just happen after your kids are all grown up!
"One Act play to focus on Breast Cancer Survivorship and also Tracy Harnly is going to tell her story. She is a breast cancer survivor and a team captain for the Relay For Life team "Perseverance".
One's Company, with actress Pippa White, will be performing L.B. 4:15 at7:00pm on Friday, March 16th, at the Lincoln Women's Club at 407 South 14th Street. The show is sponsored by Kastens Counseling & Resource Center and the Doane College Lincoln Campus as a fundraising effort to benefit the 2007 Lancaster County Haymarket Park Relay For Life.
L.B. 4:15 is a performance that concentrates on the 1993 Breast Cancer diagnosis of Sylvia Roba. "In the beginning," she said, "I wrote to save myself from despair." What she wrote was a one-act play. Surprising, provocative, and even funny.(L.B. 4:15 stands for Left Breast, 4:15pm. Sylvia felt that at times shewas no longer "Sylvia" but had been reduced to the location of her cancerand her appointment time.)
Admission to the one-act play will be $5 with 100% of the proceeds going to the Relay For Life. Dessert will be provided. There will be various items for sale at the fundraiser.
For questions, or to purchase advanced tickets,please contact Brenda Kastens at 402-540-4772 or at kastenscounseling@alltel.net. On street parking is available on 14th street. The Cornhusker Parking Garage is 1/2 block walking distance from the location."
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that Brenda has the confidence in my ability to do this, and for giving me this opportunity to face my fear of public speaking for all the right reasons.
"One Act play to focus on Breast Cancer Survivorship and also Tracy Harnly is going to tell her story. She is a breast cancer survivor and a team captain for the Relay For Life team "Perseverance".
One's Company, with actress Pippa White, will be performing L.B. 4:15 at7:00pm on Friday, March 16th, at the Lincoln Women's Club at 407 South 14th Street. The show is sponsored by Kastens Counseling & Resource Center and the Doane College Lincoln Campus as a fundraising effort to benefit the 2007 Lancaster County Haymarket Park Relay For Life.
L.B. 4:15 is a performance that concentrates on the 1993 Breast Cancer diagnosis of Sylvia Roba. "In the beginning," she said, "I wrote to save myself from despair." What she wrote was a one-act play. Surprising, provocative, and even funny.(L.B. 4:15 stands for Left Breast, 4:15pm. Sylvia felt that at times shewas no longer "Sylvia" but had been reduced to the location of her cancerand her appointment time.)
Admission to the one-act play will be $5 with 100% of the proceeds going to the Relay For Life. Dessert will be provided. There will be various items for sale at the fundraiser.
For questions, or to purchase advanced tickets,please contact Brenda Kastens at 402-540-4772 or at kastenscounseling@alltel.net. On street parking is available on 14th street. The Cornhusker Parking Garage is 1/2 block walking distance from the location."
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that Brenda has the confidence in my ability to do this, and for giving me this opportunity to face my fear of public speaking for all the right reasons.
3.06.2007
Keepin on...
Well, in what was found to be a very odd grouping of blog followers, it seems that people are still reading, so I am going to keep on blogging. Running report....not going so well. It hurts, and not the good kind of hurts. It has been bothering my back quite a bit, and I haven't even made it over 2 miles yet! So, I had to take a break. My rib has also been bothering me, but only if I sit for long periods of time, or if I lay on my right side at night, which I might add is how I sleep. Of course it is!!! So I have been waking up quite a bit at night.
What seems to be pushing me over the edge right now is a stupid cold! I can handle the cancer treatments, but the common cold....CAN'T THEY CURE THAT YET!!!? On top of all my other medications it is really wearing me out, and I HATE to be tired, there is just too much stuff to be done, and too much fun to be had!
I had treatment today, which was fairly uneventful physically, but being me, I had to make new friends, and when you are making new friends at a cancer center, it can be pretty emotional. I met a woman who has breast cancer that has spread to her colon, lungs, abdomen, brain, and basically all of her bones! When she first entered the hospital in 2002, they told her she had about two weeks to live. She has been in chemotherapy every Thursday since then, and she is still going! At one point the cancer had replaced so much bone that she had to get blood transfusions because she did not have enough healthy bone marrow to make new blood cells! Her current chemo is helping kill some of the cancer in her bones, and she is now making enough blood cells to maintain her body. She just went to Italy on vacation last year, and will be going to Greece in May! She is a fighter! Her sister is also fighting breast cancer, and her mother has since passed away from breast cancer. She will forever be in my thoughts and prayers!
I also met a man who has been diagnosed with lung cancer (not a smoker or a regular second hand smoker). His cancer had spread to his lymphnodes, and thoracic area. He has been through 4 chemo treatments and only has one small spot in his lung left. He is doing fantastic! We spent an hour talking about holistic treatments, nutrition, chemo treatments, and the fun of medication side effects! He is just starting a cancer study, to promote advances in lung cancer treatment. Awesome!
Now, I am off to a Relay for Life meeting! My personal fundraising totals just dropped from second to third place, but my team as a whole is in first place! Thanks to those of you that have already donated!
What am I thankful for?!?! People who share their stories and their lives with me, the beautiful pictures that my kids color for me, my husband who made my green tea this morning and stayed up and talked to me at 4am when I was stressed and crying, and for the Goehner Spaghetti Feed! That is good stuff!!!
What seems to be pushing me over the edge right now is a stupid cold! I can handle the cancer treatments, but the common cold....CAN'T THEY CURE THAT YET!!!? On top of all my other medications it is really wearing me out, and I HATE to be tired, there is just too much stuff to be done, and too much fun to be had!
I had treatment today, which was fairly uneventful physically, but being me, I had to make new friends, and when you are making new friends at a cancer center, it can be pretty emotional. I met a woman who has breast cancer that has spread to her colon, lungs, abdomen, brain, and basically all of her bones! When she first entered the hospital in 2002, they told her she had about two weeks to live. She has been in chemotherapy every Thursday since then, and she is still going! At one point the cancer had replaced so much bone that she had to get blood transfusions because she did not have enough healthy bone marrow to make new blood cells! Her current chemo is helping kill some of the cancer in her bones, and she is now making enough blood cells to maintain her body. She just went to Italy on vacation last year, and will be going to Greece in May! She is a fighter! Her sister is also fighting breast cancer, and her mother has since passed away from breast cancer. She will forever be in my thoughts and prayers!
I also met a man who has been diagnosed with lung cancer (not a smoker or a regular second hand smoker). His cancer had spread to his lymphnodes, and thoracic area. He has been through 4 chemo treatments and only has one small spot in his lung left. He is doing fantastic! We spent an hour talking about holistic treatments, nutrition, chemo treatments, and the fun of medication side effects! He is just starting a cancer study, to promote advances in lung cancer treatment. Awesome!
Now, I am off to a Relay for Life meeting! My personal fundraising totals just dropped from second to third place, but my team as a whole is in first place! Thanks to those of you that have already donated!
What am I thankful for?!?! People who share their stories and their lives with me, the beautiful pictures that my kids color for me, my husband who made my green tea this morning and stayed up and talked to me at 4am when I was stressed and crying, and for the Goehner Spaghetti Feed! That is good stuff!!!
2.19.2007
Hello! Anyone out there?!
Well, you all get to hear about me, but I don't know who you are! Drop me a comment if you want me to keep blogging! Does anyone read this anymore?!
Well, since I last blogged, I haven't really had too much going on. I have a little lymphedema under my arm, but not enough to require draining. I have had a bunch of lab done for the doctor in NY that is going to help me with my nutrition and supplements. My cholesterol is great at 144, so heart disease is not gonna kill me! And, my cancer markers were in the "normal" range. Which I think is a good sign! Can't be a bad one! My white and red blood cell counts were a little low, as were my platelets, but that has been pretty typical since been in treatment. I started a Breast Cancer Survivors class a few weeks ago. It meets 2 times per week, and last a couple hours. We discuss health issues for the first hour and workout for the second hour. I am back to running. I do a couple miles at a time right now, and the rest of the time I work on strengthening and stretching. My chest and arm are still pretty tight since my surgery, so I am working on that. We have some pretty interesting guest speakers and I am learning more than I thought I would...kinda nice to have some of my feelings validated, as well.
What am I thankful for!? Indoor playgrounds during the winter time, State Holidays, and being part of a group that understands some of what I am going through!
Well, since I last blogged, I haven't really had too much going on. I have a little lymphedema under my arm, but not enough to require draining. I have had a bunch of lab done for the doctor in NY that is going to help me with my nutrition and supplements. My cholesterol is great at 144, so heart disease is not gonna kill me! And, my cancer markers were in the "normal" range. Which I think is a good sign! Can't be a bad one! My white and red blood cell counts were a little low, as were my platelets, but that has been pretty typical since been in treatment. I started a Breast Cancer Survivors class a few weeks ago. It meets 2 times per week, and last a couple hours. We discuss health issues for the first hour and workout for the second hour. I am back to running. I do a couple miles at a time right now, and the rest of the time I work on strengthening and stretching. My chest and arm are still pretty tight since my surgery, so I am working on that. We have some pretty interesting guest speakers and I am learning more than I thought I would...kinda nice to have some of my feelings validated, as well.
What am I thankful for!? Indoor playgrounds during the winter time, State Holidays, and being part of a group that understands some of what I am going through!
2.07.2007
Breast issues
Do you think it is unhealthy to hide under the covers and eat big macs all day?! I thought so too!!! That is why I scheduled an appointment with a psychologist! Because, along with my long list of issues I had been perfecting for years, once the surgeon removed my surgical drains, the breast issues began! (If you think of breasts as a private issue you can stop reading right now, because as you know, not much in this whole ordeal of mine has been kept private!)
As soon as the drains came out, my body did a remarkable thing (which is not all that unusual... they tell me). My body began to create a pocket of fluid, kind of like a new boob, HOWEVER, the swelling was not out the front like I would have hoped, it was under arm...like a 'side boob'! So, not only did I have the boob I was born with, but I was wearing a foam boob where my killer boob had been, and I was carrying around a spare under my arm! Three boobs?!? What kind of sick joke is that?
I went back to the surgeon twice in two weeks to have that drained, but things seem to be fine now...and by fine, I mean that I am no longer the 3 boobed side show that I was. That does not mean I am not a side show of another kind!
Let me tell you a little something about the post mastectomy foam insert that one puts into the very sexy post mastectomy sports bra while recovering. You can tell time by it!! Oh yes, I am going to explain. Foam compresses over time. In the morning I put my ever so perky foam 'boob' into my bra. At this time of the day, I hate to admit it, but the foam boob is somewhat larger than my god given one. But not to fear, as the day goes on, the foam gets compressed. SO, if I am looking a little bigger on the right(the foam side) it is before noon, if my boobs look fairly 'normal' or equal then it must be around lunch time, and if I am bigger on the left, call it a day!
I can laugh at all this now, but it has been a long month, learning how to dress and where to draw my self-esteem from. Obviously, if you have seen me, my breasts are not a LARGE part of who I am, but a part of me none the less.
What am I doing now? I am back at work, this is my third week, I am going to basketball games, I am taking care of my family, I am putting together my relay for life team, and I am seeing a psychologist!
If you want to help in the fight against cancer, please go to my website by clicking on the link below and make a donation to the Relay for Life. There is a picture of me and my kids on the site, and you can track my teams progress! We are hoping to raise $20,000 dollars! And while I like to compete agaist the other teams for top dollars, the truth is that I am scared, and raising money for research gives me hope that a cure will be found. Come on, donate a few bucks! I told you about my boobs!!
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=191481&supId=84415485
What am I thankful for??! Getting to seeing a full moon against the backdrop of dawn, having one 'good' boob, and being alive... (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY! I LOVE YOU!)
As soon as the drains came out, my body did a remarkable thing (which is not all that unusual... they tell me). My body began to create a pocket of fluid, kind of like a new boob, HOWEVER, the swelling was not out the front like I would have hoped, it was under arm...like a 'side boob'! So, not only did I have the boob I was born with, but I was wearing a foam boob where my killer boob had been, and I was carrying around a spare under my arm! Three boobs?!? What kind of sick joke is that?
I went back to the surgeon twice in two weeks to have that drained, but things seem to be fine now...and by fine, I mean that I am no longer the 3 boobed side show that I was. That does not mean I am not a side show of another kind!
Let me tell you a little something about the post mastectomy foam insert that one puts into the very sexy post mastectomy sports bra while recovering. You can tell time by it!! Oh yes, I am going to explain. Foam compresses over time. In the morning I put my ever so perky foam 'boob' into my bra. At this time of the day, I hate to admit it, but the foam boob is somewhat larger than my god given one. But not to fear, as the day goes on, the foam gets compressed. SO, if I am looking a little bigger on the right(the foam side) it is before noon, if my boobs look fairly 'normal' or equal then it must be around lunch time, and if I am bigger on the left, call it a day!
I can laugh at all this now, but it has been a long month, learning how to dress and where to draw my self-esteem from. Obviously, if you have seen me, my breasts are not a LARGE part of who I am, but a part of me none the less.
What am I doing now? I am back at work, this is my third week, I am going to basketball games, I am taking care of my family, I am putting together my relay for life team, and I am seeing a psychologist!
If you want to help in the fight against cancer, please go to my website by clicking on the link below and make a donation to the Relay for Life. There is a picture of me and my kids on the site, and you can track my teams progress! We are hoping to raise $20,000 dollars! And while I like to compete agaist the other teams for top dollars, the truth is that I am scared, and raising money for research gives me hope that a cure will be found. Come on, donate a few bucks! I told you about my boobs!!
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=191481&supId=84415485
What am I thankful for??! Getting to seeing a full moon against the backdrop of dawn, having one 'good' boob, and being alive... (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY! I LOVE YOU!)
1.12.2007
Final Follow up with the Surgeon
I had my last scheduled follow up with the surgeon today. I got my last drain out, and am on my way to healing up completely. I think after a little physical therapy, I will be good to go!
What am I thankful for?! Our fireplace! It is COLD out there!!
What am I thankful for?! Our fireplace! It is COLD out there!!
1.08.2007
Follow up appointment
I went in Friday for a follow up appointment with the surgeon. He took out my staples, and one of my drains. I am still draining too much fluid to take the other one out. But he said that one will come out this Friday, no matter how much I beg to keep it! HA!
The surgeon said that the path report came back showing the cancerous breast tumors were removed completely and of the seven lymphnodes that were removed, NONE of them had cancer in them. He felt that this was AMAZING! So, I am probably not going to have to do radiation or any additional chemotherapy at this time. That is fantastic, but I don't find out for sure until I see my oncologist next Thursday.
I went shopping for a temporary boob...found it at Jim's Home Healthcare! I have a lot of jokes about that, but the self-esteem can't handle them right now, we will get back to those at a later date!
Not much else happening right now. I am trying to heal, and take care of a kid with strep throat. Always something!
What am I thankful for?! A funny and romantic episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Webkins (which keeps my sick kid busy), and 55 degree days in January!
The surgeon said that the path report came back showing the cancerous breast tumors were removed completely and of the seven lymphnodes that were removed, NONE of them had cancer in them. He felt that this was AMAZING! So, I am probably not going to have to do radiation or any additional chemotherapy at this time. That is fantastic, but I don't find out for sure until I see my oncologist next Thursday.
I went shopping for a temporary boob...found it at Jim's Home Healthcare! I have a lot of jokes about that, but the self-esteem can't handle them right now, we will get back to those at a later date!
Not much else happening right now. I am trying to heal, and take care of a kid with strep throat. Always something!
What am I thankful for?! A funny and romantic episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Webkins (which keeps my sick kid busy), and 55 degree days in January!
1.01.2007
"Mommy's gonna have one boob, Mommy's gonna..."
The evening two days before my surgery, we sat the boys down and explained to them in the simplest terms possible, what was going on. My oldest son plugged his years and said "I can't hear you!", and then began repeating "nah, nah, nah, nah, nah" over and over again in an effort to not hear what we were trying to tell him. On the other hand, in the land of innocence and nievity, my youngest son bounced on and off the couch giggling about mommy's soon-to-be one boobed chest! One might find this disheartening, but the giggling finally brought my oldest one around, and he listened to us until we came to a level of understanding we could all deal with and he ultimately began to laugh as well.
The day before my surgery, I spent all day with the kids, just them and I. We went out to breakfast, we went shopping, we snuggled on the couch, and we ended the day at Chuckie Cheese for their friends birthday party! There was something about those parking lots though, that made my youngest feel the need to yell out "Hey, remember Mom is gonna have one boob tomorrow! HA HA HA HA"- as they both then fell out laughing! One thing I know is that laughing helps heal wounds, lightens hearts, and just makes you feel good, so I smiled and listened to them sing the One Boob song in the car, and we all laughed and dealt with our fears in the only way we knew how.
On the day of my surgery I went to the hospital with my husband, mom, and dad in tow. I put on the gown and stockings and awaited the man with the good drugs. The next thing I remember was being in my recovery room trying to type a text message with only one eye open, with two eyes open I was still seeing double!
The day after my surgery I ate sushi for lunch and was discharged around 2pm. I was happy to be home and to get into some real clothes.
Things have been going well since I have been home. My pain is fairly minimal, I am working on the range of motion in my arm, and the drainage tubes are manageable. I can look at myself with my bandages on, but am not yet able to look at myself without them. The mirror in our room came down and the bathroom mirrors are temporarily covered. Dan helps me with everything that requires bandage removal. I shower with assistance and my eyes closed. It seems silly, but I am going to have to take some baby steps here. The staples across my chest look like the battery pack zippers in the backs of talking stuffed animals. In my case, instead of taking out the batteries, we took out my breast.
What am I thankful for?! The support and help that we have received during this emotionally difficult time, heart shaped diamonds, and fleece blankies!
The day before my surgery, I spent all day with the kids, just them and I. We went out to breakfast, we went shopping, we snuggled on the couch, and we ended the day at Chuckie Cheese for their friends birthday party! There was something about those parking lots though, that made my youngest feel the need to yell out "Hey, remember Mom is gonna have one boob tomorrow! HA HA HA HA"- as they both then fell out laughing! One thing I know is that laughing helps heal wounds, lightens hearts, and just makes you feel good, so I smiled and listened to them sing the One Boob song in the car, and we all laughed and dealt with our fears in the only way we knew how.
On the day of my surgery I went to the hospital with my husband, mom, and dad in tow. I put on the gown and stockings and awaited the man with the good drugs. The next thing I remember was being in my recovery room trying to type a text message with only one eye open, with two eyes open I was still seeing double!
The day after my surgery I ate sushi for lunch and was discharged around 2pm. I was happy to be home and to get into some real clothes.
Things have been going well since I have been home. My pain is fairly minimal, I am working on the range of motion in my arm, and the drainage tubes are manageable. I can look at myself with my bandages on, but am not yet able to look at myself without them. The mirror in our room came down and the bathroom mirrors are temporarily covered. Dan helps me with everything that requires bandage removal. I shower with assistance and my eyes closed. It seems silly, but I am going to have to take some baby steps here. The staples across my chest look like the battery pack zippers in the backs of talking stuffed animals. In my case, instead of taking out the batteries, we took out my breast.
What am I thankful for?! The support and help that we have received during this emotionally difficult time, heart shaped diamonds, and fleece blankies!
12.24.2006
Boobs
Boobs....apparently despite the fact that they really only function long enough to feed an infant, they remain so very important long after the feeding function has worn out. In social conversations, boobs come into the conversation at an astounding rate..."can I touch your boobs?", "wow, look at your boobs, what kind of bra is that?", "did you see the fake boobs on that chick, those couldn't be real", which all just usually leads to "I wanna get a pair of those".
But, despite all that...I have decided to have one of mine cut right off! While many people are in love with boobs, mine are trying to kill me! Next thursday (right before New Years), I am going to have a mastecomy and removal of my lymphnodes on the right side. The evil boob must go! I am not going to have reconstruction done, so I am soon to be trading in the name princess for the uniboober! My hubby affectionaltely has been trying out the nickname "Princess Oob"(....I kinda like it!)
What am I thankful for?!
Good surgeons with a sense of humor, and friends that laugh rather than cry when I call myself the "soon to be Uniboober"! Do you think they make those triangle bikini tops with just one triangle?! Merry Christmas Eve to you Christmas types, and Happy Holidays to all you other wonderful souls! Lets get the eggnog out!
But, despite all that...I have decided to have one of mine cut right off! While many people are in love with boobs, mine are trying to kill me! Next thursday (right before New Years), I am going to have a mastecomy and removal of my lymphnodes on the right side. The evil boob must go! I am not going to have reconstruction done, so I am soon to be trading in the name princess for the uniboober! My hubby affectionaltely has been trying out the nickname "Princess Oob"(....I kinda like it!)
What am I thankful for?!
Good surgeons with a sense of humor, and friends that laugh rather than cry when I call myself the "soon to be Uniboober"! Do you think they make those triangle bikini tops with just one triangle?! Merry Christmas Eve to you Christmas types, and Happy Holidays to all you other wonderful souls! Lets get the eggnog out!
12.21.2006
Short delay...
My surgeon got called into an emergency surgery, so my consult will not be until tomorrow(Friday).
What am I thankful for?! My job.
What am I thankful for?! My job.
12.19.2006
The picture is coming together
It seems that each day for the last week and a half I have been given a small puzzle piece of information that will some day become a plan...
Today I met with the oncologist. He reviewed my scans with me. They still aren't seeing the spots that were in my liver, which is amazing, and the only cancer that they could see was in my breast, one rib, and in my spine, at the previous location. None of the spots (except the tumors in my breast) had grown, so the Herceptin, Zometa and Tamoxifen are apparently controlling them. My oncologist thought the most logical next step would be to have surgery to remove the breast. I agree.
I am scheduled to see the surgeon on Thursday, and at that time, I will get another piece of the puzzle and I will be that much closer to having a plan!
What am I thankful for?! Sushi, Angels that come in the night, and christmas pictures in the mail.
Today I met with the oncologist. He reviewed my scans with me. They still aren't seeing the spots that were in my liver, which is amazing, and the only cancer that they could see was in my breast, one rib, and in my spine, at the previous location. None of the spots (except the tumors in my breast) had grown, so the Herceptin, Zometa and Tamoxifen are apparently controlling them. My oncologist thought the most logical next step would be to have surgery to remove the breast. I agree.
I am scheduled to see the surgeon on Thursday, and at that time, I will get another piece of the puzzle and I will be that much closer to having a plan!
What am I thankful for?! Sushi, Angels that come in the night, and christmas pictures in the mail.
12.16.2006
Needing a Plan
Cancer doesn't care that it is Christmas Time!
I have been having problems with my breast, so I went in for a mammogram. The mammogram showed new cancer in my breast. I had all my scans again to see if the cancer was progressing everywhere or just in my breast. My oncologist said I had a few options: If the cancer is progessing everywhere, I would need to go back into chemo. If the cancer is only progressing in my breast, then I have 2 options. I can either go back into chemo -or- I can have a mastectomy and radiation. He did indicate that he would suggest the mastectomy and radiation so that we can save the chemo for down the line.
The scans came back good!!! The rest of my cancer is stable. So, right now I wait til my Tuesday appointment with my oncologist. My husband and I will make a decision at that time on how we are going to proceed.
I just need a plan!
What am I thankful for?! Hats, christmas shopping on the internet, and text messaging!
I have been having problems with my breast, so I went in for a mammogram. The mammogram showed new cancer in my breast. I had all my scans again to see if the cancer was progressing everywhere or just in my breast. My oncologist said I had a few options: If the cancer is progessing everywhere, I would need to go back into chemo. If the cancer is only progressing in my breast, then I have 2 options. I can either go back into chemo -or- I can have a mastectomy and radiation. He did indicate that he would suggest the mastectomy and radiation so that we can save the chemo for down the line.
The scans came back good!!! The rest of my cancer is stable. So, right now I wait til my Tuesday appointment with my oncologist. My husband and I will make a decision at that time on how we are going to proceed.
I just need a plan!
What am I thankful for?! Hats, christmas shopping on the internet, and text messaging!
12.09.2006
Treatment and Training
I had treatment this week. Another uneventful trip up to Omaha, though it was only 9 degrees! Just keep asking myself why I don't live somewhere warm! My blood counts were all a little low, as was my Glucose and my blood pressure, but nothing too worrisome. No treatment needed.
My back is doing great! I got my gym membership renewed, FINALLY, and did 5 miles on the treadmill on Friday. Life is good! Here is hoping that things can stay quiet enough this time that not only can I train for the 1/2 marathon, but I can also RUN it!!! Last year was so disappointing, I would hate to go through that again!
What am I thankful for?!
60 degree days in December, twinkling Christmas lights, and ...
My back is doing great! I got my gym membership renewed, FINALLY, and did 5 miles on the treadmill on Friday. Life is good! Here is hoping that things can stay quiet enough this time that not only can I train for the 1/2 marathon, but I can also RUN it!!! Last year was so disappointing, I would hate to go through that again!
What am I thankful for?!
60 degree days in December, twinkling Christmas lights, and ...
12.04.2006
Let it be over
My back is fine now! Thanks for all the support! Now, on to holiday shopping, Christmas plays, and holiday parties...have at it!
What am I thankful for?!
Sunny Days.
What am I thankful for?!
Sunny Days.
12.01.2006
QUICK update
The "Princess" is recovering! Doing better every day!
Thankful for?!
Moments of clarity.
ps- That is the last of the "princess" comments!
Thankful for?!
Moments of clarity.
ps- That is the last of the "princess" comments!
11.22.2006
Princess
I had my surgery yesterday to fix my spine, and hopefully get back on the running trails!
I went in in the morning with Dan, my mom and my dad. They checked me in and proceeded to check my name and birthday a million times, I think they were waiting for me to mess up, but I tell you, I stayed strong and got it right every time!
The surgery before me got cancelled, so they rushed me into my backless gown and thigh high compression socks! Sexy! They asked me one final time if my name was Tracy and if I go by that. I said "Yes, that or Princess", so the last thing I remember before being wheeled off to surgery was, "Let's go, Princess!" HAHAHA! I am telling you, you might not find that as funny as I do, but no one calls me princess and definately not in the state I was in...hair falling out of my ponytail, no makeup, and my ass hanging out of a hospital gown big enough for 6 of me!
But, the surgery went well! He kept all the cement where it was supposed to be and most importantly out of my spinal canal, and really, what more can a girl ask for?!
The cement has now dried and I am recovering. It is a little more painful than I expected it to be, but I got a new pair of running shoes as a recovery gift from my sister and parents, and I am keeping my eye on the prize! I am going to run that half marathon if it kills me! (I mean that figuratively, not literally, so calm down!)
What am I thankful for?!
My doggy who has kept me good company all day.
I went in in the morning with Dan, my mom and my dad. They checked me in and proceeded to check my name and birthday a million times, I think they were waiting for me to mess up, but I tell you, I stayed strong and got it right every time!
The surgery before me got cancelled, so they rushed me into my backless gown and thigh high compression socks! Sexy! They asked me one final time if my name was Tracy and if I go by that. I said "Yes, that or Princess", so the last thing I remember before being wheeled off to surgery was, "Let's go, Princess!" HAHAHA! I am telling you, you might not find that as funny as I do, but no one calls me princess and definately not in the state I was in...hair falling out of my ponytail, no makeup, and my ass hanging out of a hospital gown big enough for 6 of me!
But, the surgery went well! He kept all the cement where it was supposed to be and most importantly out of my spinal canal, and really, what more can a girl ask for?!
The cement has now dried and I am recovering. It is a little more painful than I expected it to be, but I got a new pair of running shoes as a recovery gift from my sister and parents, and I am keeping my eye on the prize! I am going to run that half marathon if it kills me! (I mean that figuratively, not literally, so calm down!)
What am I thankful for?!
My doggy who has kept me good company all day.
11.11.2006
Whirl Wind couple of weeks!
Since last BLOGed, I gathered with about 50 of my closest friends and did the American Cancer Societies "Making Strides" against breast cancer walk! It was cold, but they all came out in their pink shirts, hats, scarves, glasses, wigs, and pink ribbons to support me and breast cancer research! As I looked around at them, I knew that spending the better part of a Sunday walking around a lake in the wind and cold, some carrying children and some pushing strollers, couldn't be how they wanted to spend their day! But, they did it with smiles on their faces, and never complained! I have the most amazing support group and I am thankful for them every day! The event raised approximately $120,000 towards research for the prevention and hopefully a cure to breast cancer!
I am scheduled to see a neurosurgeon on this coming monday to look at repairing my spine. The 20% compression fracture that I had in my spine after they treated my cancer (in April of this year) with radiation has increased to 60%. Unfortunately, that means that until I meet with the neurosurgeon there will be no more running for me. There is a procedure that they can do, called a vertebroplasty, which may releive my pain and allow me to run again! It consists of filling the vertebra with a cement type substance. This increases the height of the vertebra and also stops the compression from getting worse.
In the meantime, in an effort to be the best mom ever, I took my kids to Disney World, and we rode every ride!!! It was magical... and at times stressful, but I wouldn't change the memories for the world! HOWEVER, if you are considering taking a 4 year old, schedule in some nap time!!!!!!! That is all I am going to say about that!
Before we left for Disney I got to meet Paul, John, and Preston (and Tracy, for a second) from Extreme Home Makeover. My friend Teresa swung that one! I was so excited because I watch the show all the time, and I think what they do for families is amazing. I wanted to tell them what an amazing thing it is that they are doing for people in crisis, and have it come from the heart and from someone that was not directly benefiting from their work. They were GREAT, and even let me bring the kids back! While they were filming a walk thru of the house Paul talked to Skye in the Production trailer. Skye thought that was awesome! Paul and John loaded the kids up with CANDY and signed shirts for them! They were SO great to the kids and I! It was a great experience, and the kids, who already loved the show before, find it even that much more exciting now that they have met Paul and John. They met Preston for a second, but he had a headache! =) It is tough being a star!!!
What am I thankful for!?
Friends and family decked out in pink, ABC's Extreme Home Makeover, new friends, Mickey Mouse, BIG rollercoasters, Limos, and the the priceless looks on my little boys faces when we met the Power Rangers at Disney!
I am scheduled to see a neurosurgeon on this coming monday to look at repairing my spine. The 20% compression fracture that I had in my spine after they treated my cancer (in April of this year) with radiation has increased to 60%. Unfortunately, that means that until I meet with the neurosurgeon there will be no more running for me. There is a procedure that they can do, called a vertebroplasty, which may releive my pain and allow me to run again! It consists of filling the vertebra with a cement type substance. This increases the height of the vertebra and also stops the compression from getting worse.
In the meantime, in an effort to be the best mom ever, I took my kids to Disney World, and we rode every ride!!! It was magical... and at times stressful, but I wouldn't change the memories for the world! HOWEVER, if you are considering taking a 4 year old, schedule in some nap time!!!!!!! That is all I am going to say about that!
Before we left for Disney I got to meet Paul, John, and Preston (and Tracy, for a second) from Extreme Home Makeover. My friend Teresa swung that one! I was so excited because I watch the show all the time, and I think what they do for families is amazing. I wanted to tell them what an amazing thing it is that they are doing for people in crisis, and have it come from the heart and from someone that was not directly benefiting from their work. They were GREAT, and even let me bring the kids back! While they were filming a walk thru of the house Paul talked to Skye in the Production trailer. Skye thought that was awesome! Paul and John loaded the kids up with CANDY and signed shirts for them! They were SO great to the kids and I! It was a great experience, and the kids, who already loved the show before, find it even that much more exciting now that they have met Paul and John. They met Preston for a second, but he had a headache! =) It is tough being a star!!!
What am I thankful for!?
Friends and family decked out in pink, ABC's Extreme Home Makeover, new friends, Mickey Mouse, BIG rollercoasters, Limos, and the the priceless looks on my little boys faces when we met the Power Rangers at Disney!
10.19.2006
Just an ordinary day!?
Wednesday morning I got up at 4:45am. I showered. I put on my makeup, including lipstick. I took out my earrings and my belly button piercing. I put on jog pants, a sweatshirt, and tennis shoes. I made one final once over in the mirror to insure I had no metal on, then I drove to the hospital in the rain.
Once at the hospital I was signed in, strapped to an MRI table, blindfolded, (starting to sound kinky?), and slid into a tube. I spent the next 90 minutes listening to the soothing sounds of the MRI machine, which can only be compared to having a jackhammer by your head, with an occasional soft voice saying "ok, how you doing? This next picture will take about two minutes.".
After the MRI's of my spine, I moved out into the hallway where I sat for the next 60 minutes savoring the nourishment of barium contrast ...the breakfast of champions! When my 60 minutes were up I was ushered into another room where I got one last shot glass full of contrast and was slid back into modern technology...."take a deep breath, now hold it, 16, 15, 14....3, 2, 1, and breath". We did this about 8 times, and they sent me on my way.
I was right on schedule to be about 20 minutes late for the annual Breast Cancer Survivors luncheon (which I am thinking has got to be a lot more lively than the Breast Cancer Non-Survivors luncheon!). I was not too shaken when about 3/4th of the way there my gas light came on, but when I hit that parked car in the parking garage, I was starting to get a little pissed at how this day was going, and it wasn't even noon yet. So, I tore off a piece of an envelope lying on the floor and scrawled down my name, number, and plates and "I hit your car." I put it under their windsheild wiper and ran in to my second hospital of the day, because I am a survivor, damn it!
At the survivors luncheon I sat with 2 friends and 5 strangers and listened to a woman talk about her breast cancer experience. It is so weird to hear someone talk about their breast cancer experience, because some parts, like how horrible it is to have to tell your parents that you have cancer, are so much the same, and other parts are so very different. Like the fact that I never lost my hair or a breast. These were fears of mine in the beginning, but never happened to me as it has for most other women with breast cancer. It is strange to be in a room full of people who you should feel a strong connection to and still feel so very alone. But, I guess everyone's experience is different, as different as our personalities.
Finally, after the luncheon, it was time to wait for the phone to ring. My friends and I headed back to watch TV and....wait.
It was the PA that called. I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was smiling. She actually laughed a little as she spoke. She said that all my scans showed that my cancer was stable, and some areas even showed improvement!
WHAT A RELIEF!
I cried.
I laughed.
I thanked God.
I cried.
I napped.
I went out to eat.
I threw up.
I cried.
I hugged my kids.
I kissed my husband.
I went to bed.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that there was no little old man waiting outside the hospital to beat me with his cane for hitting his car in the parking garage. I am thankful that I didn't run out of gas. I am thankful for the woman that was brave enough to share her breast cancer story. I am thankful for my friends and family, and I am thankful for the two most precious little boys in the world. They are my heart and my strength!
Once at the hospital I was signed in, strapped to an MRI table, blindfolded, (starting to sound kinky?), and slid into a tube. I spent the next 90 minutes listening to the soothing sounds of the MRI machine, which can only be compared to having a jackhammer by your head, with an occasional soft voice saying "ok, how you doing? This next picture will take about two minutes.".
After the MRI's of my spine, I moved out into the hallway where I sat for the next 60 minutes savoring the nourishment of barium contrast ...the breakfast of champions! When my 60 minutes were up I was ushered into another room where I got one last shot glass full of contrast and was slid back into modern technology...."take a deep breath, now hold it, 16, 15, 14....3, 2, 1, and breath". We did this about 8 times, and they sent me on my way.
I was right on schedule to be about 20 minutes late for the annual Breast Cancer Survivors luncheon (which I am thinking has got to be a lot more lively than the Breast Cancer Non-Survivors luncheon!). I was not too shaken when about 3/4th of the way there my gas light came on, but when I hit that parked car in the parking garage, I was starting to get a little pissed at how this day was going, and it wasn't even noon yet. So, I tore off a piece of an envelope lying on the floor and scrawled down my name, number, and plates and "I hit your car." I put it under their windsheild wiper and ran in to my second hospital of the day, because I am a survivor, damn it!
At the survivors luncheon I sat with 2 friends and 5 strangers and listened to a woman talk about her breast cancer experience. It is so weird to hear someone talk about their breast cancer experience, because some parts, like how horrible it is to have to tell your parents that you have cancer, are so much the same, and other parts are so very different. Like the fact that I never lost my hair or a breast. These were fears of mine in the beginning, but never happened to me as it has for most other women with breast cancer. It is strange to be in a room full of people who you should feel a strong connection to and still feel so very alone. But, I guess everyone's experience is different, as different as our personalities.
Finally, after the luncheon, it was time to wait for the phone to ring. My friends and I headed back to watch TV and....wait.
It was the PA that called. I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was smiling. She actually laughed a little as she spoke. She said that all my scans showed that my cancer was stable, and some areas even showed improvement!
WHAT A RELIEF!
I cried.
I laughed.
I thanked God.
I cried.
I napped.
I went out to eat.
I threw up.
I cried.
I hugged my kids.
I kissed my husband.
I went to bed.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that there was no little old man waiting outside the hospital to beat me with his cane for hitting his car in the parking garage. I am thankful that I didn't run out of gas. I am thankful for the woman that was brave enough to share her breast cancer story. I am thankful for my friends and family, and I am thankful for the two most precious little boys in the world. They are my heart and my strength!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
