Do you think it is unhealthy to hide under the covers and eat big macs all day?! I thought so too!!! That is why I scheduled an appointment with a psychologist! Because, along with my long list of issues I had been perfecting for years, once the surgeon removed my surgical drains, the breast issues began! (If you think of breasts as a private issue you can stop reading right now, because as you know, not much in this whole ordeal of mine has been kept private!)
As soon as the drains came out, my body did a remarkable thing (which is not all that unusual... they tell me). My body began to create a pocket of fluid, kind of like a new boob, HOWEVER, the swelling was not out the front like I would have hoped, it was under arm...like a 'side boob'! So, not only did I have the boob I was born with, but I was wearing a foam boob where my killer boob had been, and I was carrying around a spare under my arm! Three boobs?!? What kind of sick joke is that?
I went back to the surgeon twice in two weeks to have that drained, but things seem to be fine now...and by fine, I mean that I am no longer the 3 boobed side show that I was. That does not mean I am not a side show of another kind!
Let me tell you a little something about the post mastectomy foam insert that one puts into the very sexy post mastectomy sports bra while recovering. You can tell time by it!! Oh yes, I am going to explain. Foam compresses over time. In the morning I put my ever so perky foam 'boob' into my bra. At this time of the day, I hate to admit it, but the foam boob is somewhat larger than my god given one. But not to fear, as the day goes on, the foam gets compressed. SO, if I am looking a little bigger on the right(the foam side) it is before noon, if my boobs look fairly 'normal' or equal then it must be around lunch time, and if I am bigger on the left, call it a day!
I can laugh at all this now, but it has been a long month, learning how to dress and where to draw my self-esteem from. Obviously, if you have seen me, my breasts are not a LARGE part of who I am, but a part of me none the less.
What am I doing now? I am back at work, this is my third week, I am going to basketball games, I am taking care of my family, I am putting together my relay for life team, and I am seeing a psychologist!
If you want to help in the fight against cancer, please go to my website by clicking on the link below and make a donation to the Relay for Life. There is a picture of me and my kids on the site, and you can track my teams progress! We are hoping to raise $20,000 dollars! And while I like to compete agaist the other teams for top dollars, the truth is that I am scared, and raising money for research gives me hope that a cure will be found. Come on, donate a few bucks! I told you about my boobs!!
What am I thankful for??! Getting to seeing a full moon against the backdrop of dawn, having one 'good' boob, and being alive... (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY! I LOVE YOU!)