1.20.2008

Never having scans at the end of the week again!

So, lastnight consisted of finally melting down (we knew it would happen), I hate waiting for my scan results and I hate that my friend is on the other side. So, I got to spend a little time in the bathroom crying and throwing up after the kids went to bed. Having cancer and little kids is hard. You can't just get mad and scream and yell and cry and throw things when the mood strikes you (and believe me, I WANT to), because I assure you that would scare that crap out of my poor children. And most of the time, this is about them, not about me.
So, here we go with another day of me being short tempered with my husband, weepy in the shower, and happy and smiling and "fine" in public to the grocery clerks, etc....it is exhausting! (And when I say 'fine' in public, I am not referring to those who cut me off in traffic when I am alone in my car, because I am pretty sure you will hear about it and will recognize that I am, in fact, not fine!) And, heck, we all know I am not fine....we are familiar with me!
I just wish it was tomorrow already, so I can get this show on the road. But first, I suppose I better plan for my two speaking engagements this week~ tomorrow evening and Tuesday evening! Life doesn't stop because I have cancer, well at least not yet!
The last two weeks have been all cancer all the time for our family with two cancer related funerals, four cancer related speaking events, my scans, and treatment. Not to mention some of my fellow "Heroes of Hope" that are going through VERY tough and trying times right now! They definately have it rougher than I do, which makes me feel like I really should get over myself! Luckily, that is a tight knit community and the e-mails and prayers are flowing.
So, what on earth am I thankful for today?! I am thankful that my husband is so understanding when I snap at him for trying to help me put music on my MP3 player (I do recognize that he is just trying to help), I am thankful that Colbie Caillat makes such cute, happy little songs that keep me from throw a stapler through the window, and I am thankful that I am still here to worry about stuff like this, because it really beats the alternative! LOVE AND HOPE! -tracy Attitude is everything!....yep, I am working on it! Starting now!

3 comments:

Lynn said...

Tracy: Thank you for speaking in Nebraska City! You made such a lasting impression with folks at our Kick Off, know that the prayers and well wishes are flowing from Nebraska City for you.

Lynn

Anonymous said...

Hello again Tracy,

I sure hope this week goes well for you. Reading your last blog brought tears to my eyes. It is ok to be so emotional...just let it go! You know, just being a woman is bad enough with all our stupid hormones we have to deal with. The older I get the worse my "cycle" gets. I turn into a psycho (if you ask my husband and children). I want so much to comfort you! Here is a BIG HUG! I hope you can feel it! All my prayers! Stay warm!

Lisa Lintt

Anonymous said...

As always- our love, thoughts, and prayers are with you.

Much Love!
Nicole & Steve