I had my last scheduled follow up with the surgeon today. I got my last drain out, and am on my way to healing up completely. I think after a little physical therapy, I will be good to go!
What am I thankful for?! Our fireplace! It is COLD out there!!
1.12.2007
1.08.2007
Follow up appointment
I went in Friday for a follow up appointment with the surgeon. He took out my staples, and one of my drains. I am still draining too much fluid to take the other one out. But he said that one will come out this Friday, no matter how much I beg to keep it! HA!
The surgeon said that the path report came back showing the cancerous breast tumors were removed completely and of the seven lymphnodes that were removed, NONE of them had cancer in them. He felt that this was AMAZING! So, I am probably not going to have to do radiation or any additional chemotherapy at this time. That is fantastic, but I don't find out for sure until I see my oncologist next Thursday.
I went shopping for a temporary boob...found it at Jim's Home Healthcare! I have a lot of jokes about that, but the self-esteem can't handle them right now, we will get back to those at a later date!
Not much else happening right now. I am trying to heal, and take care of a kid with strep throat. Always something!
What am I thankful for?! A funny and romantic episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Webkins (which keeps my sick kid busy), and 55 degree days in January!
The surgeon said that the path report came back showing the cancerous breast tumors were removed completely and of the seven lymphnodes that were removed, NONE of them had cancer in them. He felt that this was AMAZING! So, I am probably not going to have to do radiation or any additional chemotherapy at this time. That is fantastic, but I don't find out for sure until I see my oncologist next Thursday.
I went shopping for a temporary boob...found it at Jim's Home Healthcare! I have a lot of jokes about that, but the self-esteem can't handle them right now, we will get back to those at a later date!
Not much else happening right now. I am trying to heal, and take care of a kid with strep throat. Always something!
What am I thankful for?! A funny and romantic episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Webkins (which keeps my sick kid busy), and 55 degree days in January!
1.01.2007
"Mommy's gonna have one boob, Mommy's gonna..."
The evening two days before my surgery, we sat the boys down and explained to them in the simplest terms possible, what was going on. My oldest son plugged his years and said "I can't hear you!", and then began repeating "nah, nah, nah, nah, nah" over and over again in an effort to not hear what we were trying to tell him. On the other hand, in the land of innocence and nievity, my youngest son bounced on and off the couch giggling about mommy's soon-to-be one boobed chest! One might find this disheartening, but the giggling finally brought my oldest one around, and he listened to us until we came to a level of understanding we could all deal with and he ultimately began to laugh as well.
The day before my surgery, I spent all day with the kids, just them and I. We went out to breakfast, we went shopping, we snuggled on the couch, and we ended the day at Chuckie Cheese for their friends birthday party! There was something about those parking lots though, that made my youngest feel the need to yell out "Hey, remember Mom is gonna have one boob tomorrow! HA HA HA HA"- as they both then fell out laughing! One thing I know is that laughing helps heal wounds, lightens hearts, and just makes you feel good, so I smiled and listened to them sing the One Boob song in the car, and we all laughed and dealt with our fears in the only way we knew how.
On the day of my surgery I went to the hospital with my husband, mom, and dad in tow. I put on the gown and stockings and awaited the man with the good drugs. The next thing I remember was being in my recovery room trying to type a text message with only one eye open, with two eyes open I was still seeing double!
The day after my surgery I ate sushi for lunch and was discharged around 2pm. I was happy to be home and to get into some real clothes.
Things have been going well since I have been home. My pain is fairly minimal, I am working on the range of motion in my arm, and the drainage tubes are manageable. I can look at myself with my bandages on, but am not yet able to look at myself without them. The mirror in our room came down and the bathroom mirrors are temporarily covered. Dan helps me with everything that requires bandage removal. I shower with assistance and my eyes closed. It seems silly, but I am going to have to take some baby steps here. The staples across my chest look like the battery pack zippers in the backs of talking stuffed animals. In my case, instead of taking out the batteries, we took out my breast.
What am I thankful for?! The support and help that we have received during this emotionally difficult time, heart shaped diamonds, and fleece blankies!
The day before my surgery, I spent all day with the kids, just them and I. We went out to breakfast, we went shopping, we snuggled on the couch, and we ended the day at Chuckie Cheese for their friends birthday party! There was something about those parking lots though, that made my youngest feel the need to yell out "Hey, remember Mom is gonna have one boob tomorrow! HA HA HA HA"- as they both then fell out laughing! One thing I know is that laughing helps heal wounds, lightens hearts, and just makes you feel good, so I smiled and listened to them sing the One Boob song in the car, and we all laughed and dealt with our fears in the only way we knew how.
On the day of my surgery I went to the hospital with my husband, mom, and dad in tow. I put on the gown and stockings and awaited the man with the good drugs. The next thing I remember was being in my recovery room trying to type a text message with only one eye open, with two eyes open I was still seeing double!
The day after my surgery I ate sushi for lunch and was discharged around 2pm. I was happy to be home and to get into some real clothes.
Things have been going well since I have been home. My pain is fairly minimal, I am working on the range of motion in my arm, and the drainage tubes are manageable. I can look at myself with my bandages on, but am not yet able to look at myself without them. The mirror in our room came down and the bathroom mirrors are temporarily covered. Dan helps me with everything that requires bandage removal. I shower with assistance and my eyes closed. It seems silly, but I am going to have to take some baby steps here. The staples across my chest look like the battery pack zippers in the backs of talking stuffed animals. In my case, instead of taking out the batteries, we took out my breast.
What am I thankful for?! The support and help that we have received during this emotionally difficult time, heart shaped diamonds, and fleece blankies!
12.24.2006
Boobs
Boobs....apparently despite the fact that they really only function long enough to feed an infant, they remain so very important long after the feeding function has worn out. In social conversations, boobs come into the conversation at an astounding rate..."can I touch your boobs?", "wow, look at your boobs, what kind of bra is that?", "did you see the fake boobs on that chick, those couldn't be real", which all just usually leads to "I wanna get a pair of those".
But, despite all that...I have decided to have one of mine cut right off! While many people are in love with boobs, mine are trying to kill me! Next thursday (right before New Years), I am going to have a mastecomy and removal of my lymphnodes on the right side. The evil boob must go! I am not going to have reconstruction done, so I am soon to be trading in the name princess for the uniboober! My hubby affectionaltely has been trying out the nickname "Princess Oob"(....I kinda like it!)
What am I thankful for?!
Good surgeons with a sense of humor, and friends that laugh rather than cry when I call myself the "soon to be Uniboober"! Do you think they make those triangle bikini tops with just one triangle?! Merry Christmas Eve to you Christmas types, and Happy Holidays to all you other wonderful souls! Lets get the eggnog out!
But, despite all that...I have decided to have one of mine cut right off! While many people are in love with boobs, mine are trying to kill me! Next thursday (right before New Years), I am going to have a mastecomy and removal of my lymphnodes on the right side. The evil boob must go! I am not going to have reconstruction done, so I am soon to be trading in the name princess for the uniboober! My hubby affectionaltely has been trying out the nickname "Princess Oob"(....I kinda like it!)
What am I thankful for?!
Good surgeons with a sense of humor, and friends that laugh rather than cry when I call myself the "soon to be Uniboober"! Do you think they make those triangle bikini tops with just one triangle?! Merry Christmas Eve to you Christmas types, and Happy Holidays to all you other wonderful souls! Lets get the eggnog out!
12.21.2006
Short delay...
My surgeon got called into an emergency surgery, so my consult will not be until tomorrow(Friday).
What am I thankful for?! My job.
What am I thankful for?! My job.
12.19.2006
The picture is coming together
It seems that each day for the last week and a half I have been given a small puzzle piece of information that will some day become a plan...
Today I met with the oncologist. He reviewed my scans with me. They still aren't seeing the spots that were in my liver, which is amazing, and the only cancer that they could see was in my breast, one rib, and in my spine, at the previous location. None of the spots (except the tumors in my breast) had grown, so the Herceptin, Zometa and Tamoxifen are apparently controlling them. My oncologist thought the most logical next step would be to have surgery to remove the breast. I agree.
I am scheduled to see the surgeon on Thursday, and at that time, I will get another piece of the puzzle and I will be that much closer to having a plan!
What am I thankful for?! Sushi, Angels that come in the night, and christmas pictures in the mail.
Today I met with the oncologist. He reviewed my scans with me. They still aren't seeing the spots that were in my liver, which is amazing, and the only cancer that they could see was in my breast, one rib, and in my spine, at the previous location. None of the spots (except the tumors in my breast) had grown, so the Herceptin, Zometa and Tamoxifen are apparently controlling them. My oncologist thought the most logical next step would be to have surgery to remove the breast. I agree.
I am scheduled to see the surgeon on Thursday, and at that time, I will get another piece of the puzzle and I will be that much closer to having a plan!
What am I thankful for?! Sushi, Angels that come in the night, and christmas pictures in the mail.
12.16.2006
Needing a Plan
Cancer doesn't care that it is Christmas Time!
I have been having problems with my breast, so I went in for a mammogram. The mammogram showed new cancer in my breast. I had all my scans again to see if the cancer was progressing everywhere or just in my breast. My oncologist said I had a few options: If the cancer is progessing everywhere, I would need to go back into chemo. If the cancer is only progressing in my breast, then I have 2 options. I can either go back into chemo -or- I can have a mastectomy and radiation. He did indicate that he would suggest the mastectomy and radiation so that we can save the chemo for down the line.
The scans came back good!!! The rest of my cancer is stable. So, right now I wait til my Tuesday appointment with my oncologist. My husband and I will make a decision at that time on how we are going to proceed.
I just need a plan!
What am I thankful for?! Hats, christmas shopping on the internet, and text messaging!
I have been having problems with my breast, so I went in for a mammogram. The mammogram showed new cancer in my breast. I had all my scans again to see if the cancer was progressing everywhere or just in my breast. My oncologist said I had a few options: If the cancer is progessing everywhere, I would need to go back into chemo. If the cancer is only progressing in my breast, then I have 2 options. I can either go back into chemo -or- I can have a mastectomy and radiation. He did indicate that he would suggest the mastectomy and radiation so that we can save the chemo for down the line.
The scans came back good!!! The rest of my cancer is stable. So, right now I wait til my Tuesday appointment with my oncologist. My husband and I will make a decision at that time on how we are going to proceed.
I just need a plan!
What am I thankful for?! Hats, christmas shopping on the internet, and text messaging!
12.09.2006
Treatment and Training
I had treatment this week. Another uneventful trip up to Omaha, though it was only 9 degrees! Just keep asking myself why I don't live somewhere warm! My blood counts were all a little low, as was my Glucose and my blood pressure, but nothing too worrisome. No treatment needed.
My back is doing great! I got my gym membership renewed, FINALLY, and did 5 miles on the treadmill on Friday. Life is good! Here is hoping that things can stay quiet enough this time that not only can I train for the 1/2 marathon, but I can also RUN it!!! Last year was so disappointing, I would hate to go through that again!
What am I thankful for?!
60 degree days in December, twinkling Christmas lights, and ...
My back is doing great! I got my gym membership renewed, FINALLY, and did 5 miles on the treadmill on Friday. Life is good! Here is hoping that things can stay quiet enough this time that not only can I train for the 1/2 marathon, but I can also RUN it!!! Last year was so disappointing, I would hate to go through that again!
What am I thankful for?!
60 degree days in December, twinkling Christmas lights, and ...
12.04.2006
Let it be over
My back is fine now! Thanks for all the support! Now, on to holiday shopping, Christmas plays, and holiday parties...have at it!
What am I thankful for?!
Sunny Days.
What am I thankful for?!
Sunny Days.
12.01.2006
QUICK update
The "Princess" is recovering! Doing better every day!
Thankful for?!
Moments of clarity.
ps- That is the last of the "princess" comments!
Thankful for?!
Moments of clarity.
ps- That is the last of the "princess" comments!
11.22.2006
Princess
I had my surgery yesterday to fix my spine, and hopefully get back on the running trails!
I went in in the morning with Dan, my mom and my dad. They checked me in and proceeded to check my name and birthday a million times, I think they were waiting for me to mess up, but I tell you, I stayed strong and got it right every time!
The surgery before me got cancelled, so they rushed me into my backless gown and thigh high compression socks! Sexy! They asked me one final time if my name was Tracy and if I go by that. I said "Yes, that or Princess", so the last thing I remember before being wheeled off to surgery was, "Let's go, Princess!" HAHAHA! I am telling you, you might not find that as funny as I do, but no one calls me princess and definately not in the state I was in...hair falling out of my ponytail, no makeup, and my ass hanging out of a hospital gown big enough for 6 of me!
But, the surgery went well! He kept all the cement where it was supposed to be and most importantly out of my spinal canal, and really, what more can a girl ask for?!
The cement has now dried and I am recovering. It is a little more painful than I expected it to be, but I got a new pair of running shoes as a recovery gift from my sister and parents, and I am keeping my eye on the prize! I am going to run that half marathon if it kills me! (I mean that figuratively, not literally, so calm down!)
What am I thankful for?!
My doggy who has kept me good company all day.
I went in in the morning with Dan, my mom and my dad. They checked me in and proceeded to check my name and birthday a million times, I think they were waiting for me to mess up, but I tell you, I stayed strong and got it right every time!
The surgery before me got cancelled, so they rushed me into my backless gown and thigh high compression socks! Sexy! They asked me one final time if my name was Tracy and if I go by that. I said "Yes, that or Princess", so the last thing I remember before being wheeled off to surgery was, "Let's go, Princess!" HAHAHA! I am telling you, you might not find that as funny as I do, but no one calls me princess and definately not in the state I was in...hair falling out of my ponytail, no makeup, and my ass hanging out of a hospital gown big enough for 6 of me!
But, the surgery went well! He kept all the cement where it was supposed to be and most importantly out of my spinal canal, and really, what more can a girl ask for?!
The cement has now dried and I am recovering. It is a little more painful than I expected it to be, but I got a new pair of running shoes as a recovery gift from my sister and parents, and I am keeping my eye on the prize! I am going to run that half marathon if it kills me! (I mean that figuratively, not literally, so calm down!)
What am I thankful for?!
My doggy who has kept me good company all day.
11.11.2006
Whirl Wind couple of weeks!
Since last BLOGed, I gathered with about 50 of my closest friends and did the American Cancer Societies "Making Strides" against breast cancer walk! It was cold, but they all came out in their pink shirts, hats, scarves, glasses, wigs, and pink ribbons to support me and breast cancer research! As I looked around at them, I knew that spending the better part of a Sunday walking around a lake in the wind and cold, some carrying children and some pushing strollers, couldn't be how they wanted to spend their day! But, they did it with smiles on their faces, and never complained! I have the most amazing support group and I am thankful for them every day! The event raised approximately $120,000 towards research for the prevention and hopefully a cure to breast cancer!
I am scheduled to see a neurosurgeon on this coming monday to look at repairing my spine. The 20% compression fracture that I had in my spine after they treated my cancer (in April of this year) with radiation has increased to 60%. Unfortunately, that means that until I meet with the neurosurgeon there will be no more running for me. There is a procedure that they can do, called a vertebroplasty, which may releive my pain and allow me to run again! It consists of filling the vertebra with a cement type substance. This increases the height of the vertebra and also stops the compression from getting worse.
In the meantime, in an effort to be the best mom ever, I took my kids to Disney World, and we rode every ride!!! It was magical... and at times stressful, but I wouldn't change the memories for the world! HOWEVER, if you are considering taking a 4 year old, schedule in some nap time!!!!!!! That is all I am going to say about that!
Before we left for Disney I got to meet Paul, John, and Preston (and Tracy, for a second) from Extreme Home Makeover. My friend Teresa swung that one! I was so excited because I watch the show all the time, and I think what they do for families is amazing. I wanted to tell them what an amazing thing it is that they are doing for people in crisis, and have it come from the heart and from someone that was not directly benefiting from their work. They were GREAT, and even let me bring the kids back! While they were filming a walk thru of the house Paul talked to Skye in the Production trailer. Skye thought that was awesome! Paul and John loaded the kids up with CANDY and signed shirts for them! They were SO great to the kids and I! It was a great experience, and the kids, who already loved the show before, find it even that much more exciting now that they have met Paul and John. They met Preston for a second, but he had a headache! =) It is tough being a star!!!
What am I thankful for!?
Friends and family decked out in pink, ABC's Extreme Home Makeover, new friends, Mickey Mouse, BIG rollercoasters, Limos, and the the priceless looks on my little boys faces when we met the Power Rangers at Disney!
I am scheduled to see a neurosurgeon on this coming monday to look at repairing my spine. The 20% compression fracture that I had in my spine after they treated my cancer (in April of this year) with radiation has increased to 60%. Unfortunately, that means that until I meet with the neurosurgeon there will be no more running for me. There is a procedure that they can do, called a vertebroplasty, which may releive my pain and allow me to run again! It consists of filling the vertebra with a cement type substance. This increases the height of the vertebra and also stops the compression from getting worse.
In the meantime, in an effort to be the best mom ever, I took my kids to Disney World, and we rode every ride!!! It was magical... and at times stressful, but I wouldn't change the memories for the world! HOWEVER, if you are considering taking a 4 year old, schedule in some nap time!!!!!!! That is all I am going to say about that!
Before we left for Disney I got to meet Paul, John, and Preston (and Tracy, for a second) from Extreme Home Makeover. My friend Teresa swung that one! I was so excited because I watch the show all the time, and I think what they do for families is amazing. I wanted to tell them what an amazing thing it is that they are doing for people in crisis, and have it come from the heart and from someone that was not directly benefiting from their work. They were GREAT, and even let me bring the kids back! While they were filming a walk thru of the house Paul talked to Skye in the Production trailer. Skye thought that was awesome! Paul and John loaded the kids up with CANDY and signed shirts for them! They were SO great to the kids and I! It was a great experience, and the kids, who already loved the show before, find it even that much more exciting now that they have met Paul and John. They met Preston for a second, but he had a headache! =) It is tough being a star!!!
What am I thankful for!?
Friends and family decked out in pink, ABC's Extreme Home Makeover, new friends, Mickey Mouse, BIG rollercoasters, Limos, and the the priceless looks on my little boys faces when we met the Power Rangers at Disney!
10.19.2006
Just an ordinary day!?
Wednesday morning I got up at 4:45am. I showered. I put on my makeup, including lipstick. I took out my earrings and my belly button piercing. I put on jog pants, a sweatshirt, and tennis shoes. I made one final once over in the mirror to insure I had no metal on, then I drove to the hospital in the rain.
Once at the hospital I was signed in, strapped to an MRI table, blindfolded, (starting to sound kinky?), and slid into a tube. I spent the next 90 minutes listening to the soothing sounds of the MRI machine, which can only be compared to having a jackhammer by your head, with an occasional soft voice saying "ok, how you doing? This next picture will take about two minutes.".
After the MRI's of my spine, I moved out into the hallway where I sat for the next 60 minutes savoring the nourishment of barium contrast ...the breakfast of champions! When my 60 minutes were up I was ushered into another room where I got one last shot glass full of contrast and was slid back into modern technology...."take a deep breath, now hold it, 16, 15, 14....3, 2, 1, and breath". We did this about 8 times, and they sent me on my way.
I was right on schedule to be about 20 minutes late for the annual Breast Cancer Survivors luncheon (which I am thinking has got to be a lot more lively than the Breast Cancer Non-Survivors luncheon!). I was not too shaken when about 3/4th of the way there my gas light came on, but when I hit that parked car in the parking garage, I was starting to get a little pissed at how this day was going, and it wasn't even noon yet. So, I tore off a piece of an envelope lying on the floor and scrawled down my name, number, and plates and "I hit your car." I put it under their windsheild wiper and ran in to my second hospital of the day, because I am a survivor, damn it!
At the survivors luncheon I sat with 2 friends and 5 strangers and listened to a woman talk about her breast cancer experience. It is so weird to hear someone talk about their breast cancer experience, because some parts, like how horrible it is to have to tell your parents that you have cancer, are so much the same, and other parts are so very different. Like the fact that I never lost my hair or a breast. These were fears of mine in the beginning, but never happened to me as it has for most other women with breast cancer. It is strange to be in a room full of people who you should feel a strong connection to and still feel so very alone. But, I guess everyone's experience is different, as different as our personalities.
Finally, after the luncheon, it was time to wait for the phone to ring. My friends and I headed back to watch TV and....wait.
It was the PA that called. I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was smiling. She actually laughed a little as she spoke. She said that all my scans showed that my cancer was stable, and some areas even showed improvement!
WHAT A RELIEF!
I cried.
I laughed.
I thanked God.
I cried.
I napped.
I went out to eat.
I threw up.
I cried.
I hugged my kids.
I kissed my husband.
I went to bed.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that there was no little old man waiting outside the hospital to beat me with his cane for hitting his car in the parking garage. I am thankful that I didn't run out of gas. I am thankful for the woman that was brave enough to share her breast cancer story. I am thankful for my friends and family, and I am thankful for the two most precious little boys in the world. They are my heart and my strength!
Once at the hospital I was signed in, strapped to an MRI table, blindfolded, (starting to sound kinky?), and slid into a tube. I spent the next 90 minutes listening to the soothing sounds of the MRI machine, which can only be compared to having a jackhammer by your head, with an occasional soft voice saying "ok, how you doing? This next picture will take about two minutes.".
After the MRI's of my spine, I moved out into the hallway where I sat for the next 60 minutes savoring the nourishment of barium contrast ...the breakfast of champions! When my 60 minutes were up I was ushered into another room where I got one last shot glass full of contrast and was slid back into modern technology...."take a deep breath, now hold it, 16, 15, 14....3, 2, 1, and breath". We did this about 8 times, and they sent me on my way.
I was right on schedule to be about 20 minutes late for the annual Breast Cancer Survivors luncheon (which I am thinking has got to be a lot more lively than the Breast Cancer Non-Survivors luncheon!). I was not too shaken when about 3/4th of the way there my gas light came on, but when I hit that parked car in the parking garage, I was starting to get a little pissed at how this day was going, and it wasn't even noon yet. So, I tore off a piece of an envelope lying on the floor and scrawled down my name, number, and plates and "I hit your car." I put it under their windsheild wiper and ran in to my second hospital of the day, because I am a survivor, damn it!
At the survivors luncheon I sat with 2 friends and 5 strangers and listened to a woman talk about her breast cancer experience. It is so weird to hear someone talk about their breast cancer experience, because some parts, like how horrible it is to have to tell your parents that you have cancer, are so much the same, and other parts are so very different. Like the fact that I never lost my hair or a breast. These were fears of mine in the beginning, but never happened to me as it has for most other women with breast cancer. It is strange to be in a room full of people who you should feel a strong connection to and still feel so very alone. But, I guess everyone's experience is different, as different as our personalities.
Finally, after the luncheon, it was time to wait for the phone to ring. My friends and I headed back to watch TV and....wait.
It was the PA that called. I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was smiling. She actually laughed a little as she spoke. She said that all my scans showed that my cancer was stable, and some areas even showed improvement!
WHAT A RELIEF!
I cried.
I laughed.
I thanked God.
I cried.
I napped.
I went out to eat.
I threw up.
I cried.
I hugged my kids.
I kissed my husband.
I went to bed.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that there was no little old man waiting outside the hospital to beat me with his cane for hitting his car in the parking garage. I am thankful that I didn't run out of gas. I am thankful for the woman that was brave enough to share her breast cancer story. I am thankful for my friends and family, and I am thankful for the two most precious little boys in the world. They are my heart and my strength!
10.15.2006
Still no news.
No news yet on my appeal to my insurance company to get my PET scan. If they deny my PET on appeals then I will have to decide if I want to wait and try to get my secondary insurance to approve it, or if I just want to go ahead with CT scans and MRIs instead. Should hear back from my insurance company on Monday.
What am I thankful for?!
Husker wins and pink M&Ms!
What am I thankful for?!
Husker wins and pink M&Ms!
10.10.2006
No news.
Still no news on when my scans will be. My oncologist wrote a letter to the insurance company explaining my need, and I guess right now we are just waiting.
On Sunday I ran a 5K run, the Komen Race for a Cure. I got 3rd place in the Survivors Division, and we made the Omaha World Herald on Monday! I got a trophy!!! Pretty good for the diseased, and fairly non-athletic girl! It was a great morning, and over 12,000 people participated in the walk! It was AMESOME!!!!
I will let you all know when I actually get my scans scheduled!!!!
What am I thankful for?!?!
Snuggling under the blankets when it is rainy and chilly outside, Melissa Etheridge, and Don Q rum!
On Sunday I ran a 5K run, the Komen Race for a Cure. I got 3rd place in the Survivors Division, and we made the Omaha World Herald on Monday! I got a trophy!!! Pretty good for the diseased, and fairly non-athletic girl! It was a great morning, and over 12,000 people participated in the walk! It was AMESOME!!!!
I will let you all know when I actually get my scans scheduled!!!!
What am I thankful for?!?!
Snuggling under the blankets when it is rainy and chilly outside, Melissa Etheridge, and Don Q rum!
10.04.2006
Gone CRAZY!
Well, I have heard back from my insurance company and they said that they are not going to okay my PET/CT scan. They said that I needed a letter from my doctor indicating why I needed a scan....ummmm...because I have metastatic cancer!!!!?
Seriously, around scan time I get a little crazy!!! I stayed home from work for a half of day on Thursday and then all day on Monday! There is always that chance that my life might change dramatically in a blink of an eye!
On Sunday night I had what might be considered a complete break from reality! Around 10pm, after the kids went to bed, I got really mad about having CANCER! This lovely...apparently over stressed break led to my screaming and bawling and hitting my hubby and our home office until he directed me to the bedroom so that I did not wake up the children! I totally agreed and willingly moved to our bedroom, and then... wanted to throw everything heavy we own out the plate glass windows!! Strong, or crazy?!?! I am guessing, on a crazy scale, with 1 being pretty close to normal, and 10 being naked in traffic singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider, I was closely approching a 9.5!!! So, if you hear the Itsy Bitsy spider, grab a blanket and throw me in your trunk!!! Much love!!!!
What am I thankful for!?!?!
Time to myself.
Seriously, around scan time I get a little crazy!!! I stayed home from work for a half of day on Thursday and then all day on Monday! There is always that chance that my life might change dramatically in a blink of an eye!
On Sunday night I had what might be considered a complete break from reality! Around 10pm, after the kids went to bed, I got really mad about having CANCER! This lovely...apparently over stressed break led to my screaming and bawling and hitting my hubby and our home office until he directed me to the bedroom so that I did not wake up the children! I totally agreed and willingly moved to our bedroom, and then... wanted to throw everything heavy we own out the plate glass windows!! Strong, or crazy?!?! I am guessing, on a crazy scale, with 1 being pretty close to normal, and 10 being naked in traffic singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider, I was closely approching a 9.5!!! So, if you hear the Itsy Bitsy spider, grab a blanket and throw me in your trunk!!! Much love!!!!
What am I thankful for!?!?!
Time to myself.
10.03.2006
Cancelled!
My insurance company has not yet okay'ed my PET/CT scan. I will updated you all when I find out when it will be rescheduled! It has been a stressful few days/week, and it looks like that will be delayed a little longer.
What am I thankful for?!
My old insurance company that didn't need precertification for PET scans!!!
What am I thankful for?!
My old insurance company that didn't need precertification for PET scans!!!
9.27.2006
Inside out!
I am now less than a week from scan time!!! Next Tuesday I will be having my PET/CT to see what is going on inside me. I don't know about you, but I prefer my insides to stay....well....inside! The scan takes between 2-4 hours. I will have the scan on Tuesday, and then I will go back on Thursday to meet with the doctor to get my results and then to get my treatment.
Things have been going pretty well lately. I have had some back and neck pain and some other small issues, but nothing has gone terribly wrong.
What am I thankful for?!
Time.
Things have been going pretty well lately. I have had some back and neck pain and some other small issues, but nothing has gone terribly wrong.
What am I thankful for?!
Time.
8.16.2006
3am and nothing to do
Just got done tossing and turning in bed and watching a little prerecorded tv. Thought maybe if I typed a little I could get some junk out of my head and be done with it for awhile! I think I use this as a forum to convince myself of things, more than anything else.
After I blogged the other day, I went back and read a bunch of my old blogs, looking at where I was a year ago, at how I was dealing with this all. I had blogs which seemed almost embarrassingly over optimistic when you read the rest of the story. At first, I started to feel like I was only fooling myself, and there was no point my optimism....it was a very ugly time for me, and just not my nature. That is when I started to think about all the time that I HAVE been here since my diagnosis, and how my optimism has helped me and my family and children deal with this horrible disease. I don't want to spend what time I have left here being unhappy or making the people around me unhappy. No one knows how much time they have here and I could live longer than any one of you! While I have gotten some unwanted inside information on my possible fate, that doesn't mean that I should stop living now or not applaud every little piece of good news we get, even if it only lasts for one week, because I can tell you, that was one damn good week, and I am glad I had it! The good weeks, days, or months, give me time to rebuild my strength so that I can tackle the next obstacle with all I have.
So, if you have also read back through my blogs and you felt sorry for me, or felt like I was only fooling myself, please remember, that I vow to enjoy every great thing that happens to me, no matter how small or how insignificant it may be to the big picture, because this is my life and I only have one chance at it! I am no different than anyone else!
Well, I am going to sneek up and kiss my kids one more time, and try to get a couple more hours of sleep before work tomorrow.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that I have been given the time to tell my kids, family, and friends how much I love them, and that I am aware of how important is it to talk to my children about things I want them to know later in life. I don't know if I would have been so good at those kinds of things if I didn't feel a sort of urgency to do them!
After I blogged the other day, I went back and read a bunch of my old blogs, looking at where I was a year ago, at how I was dealing with this all. I had blogs which seemed almost embarrassingly over optimistic when you read the rest of the story. At first, I started to feel like I was only fooling myself, and there was no point my optimism....it was a very ugly time for me, and just not my nature. That is when I started to think about all the time that I HAVE been here since my diagnosis, and how my optimism has helped me and my family and children deal with this horrible disease. I don't want to spend what time I have left here being unhappy or making the people around me unhappy. No one knows how much time they have here and I could live longer than any one of you! While I have gotten some unwanted inside information on my possible fate, that doesn't mean that I should stop living now or not applaud every little piece of good news we get, even if it only lasts for one week, because I can tell you, that was one damn good week, and I am glad I had it! The good weeks, days, or months, give me time to rebuild my strength so that I can tackle the next obstacle with all I have.
So, if you have also read back through my blogs and you felt sorry for me, or felt like I was only fooling myself, please remember, that I vow to enjoy every great thing that happens to me, no matter how small or how insignificant it may be to the big picture, because this is my life and I only have one chance at it! I am no different than anyone else!
Well, I am going to sneek up and kiss my kids one more time, and try to get a couple more hours of sleep before work tomorrow.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that I have been given the time to tell my kids, family, and friends how much I love them, and that I am aware of how important is it to talk to my children about things I want them to know later in life. I don't know if I would have been so good at those kinds of things if I didn't feel a sort of urgency to do them!
8.07.2006
The good news didn't last long.
I have not BLOGed for quite a long time. I am not even sure why. The thing is, I was just so happy to have finally gotten some good news, that when it all turned around, I think I was too disappointed to BLOG about it. Here is what happened. When I had my PET scan, the week following my last BLOG, it showed that I actually DO have cancer in my rib. Rib pain is apparently never JUST rib pain. There were also some abnormalities noted in both of my ovaries, but that has not been determined to be cancer, but just something worth watching at this point. The PET scan also showed that the area of my spine that was cancerous is much improved since my radiation treatments, which I could have told you by the mere improvement in my pain level! I generally have no pain in my back.
So, if you are keeping a tally and have lost track, I now have slow growing cancerous areas in my right breast, newly diagnosed cancer in my right 6th rib, 2 faint cancerous spots in my liver that are stable now for a year, improved spots in my T2 and T3 vertebra of my spine, and we are keeping watch on my ovaries.
Now, that brings us to treatment. What the doctor and I have decided to do, is keep me on the herceptin as it seems to be controlling my liver spots, and add tamoxifen (an antiestrogen) and zometa (a biophosphate). The tamoxifen is a pill that I take every day. It can cause hot flashes (which would cut down on my need to run a space heater in my office) and other menopausal type symptoms. I have been on it for a little over a month and I have not noticed any side effects at this point. The zometa is given every three weeks in the doctors office by an IV drip. It only takes about 15 minutes to infuse. The herceptin takes 1.5 hours, so it is pretty quick compared to that! The zometa can cause bone pain, but so far mine has been fairly mild and only lasts a day or two. The zometa doesn't treat the cancer, but my doctor thinks that it will make an unfavorable environment in my bones for the cancer grow and therefore, hopefully, slow the progression of my disease. Right now the game plan is to slow the overall progression of my disease as much as possible and try to maintain on the drugs that I am currently on. My doctor will keep a close eye on me, and when he or I feel like the progression is too much, I will go back into weekly chemotherapy treatments (the big guns). Since I responded so well last time, he doesn't expect any different the next time around. There will be a point in time when these drugs stop working, so we do not want to use them any sooner than we have to. And, I didn't really want to spend another summer going through weekly treatments and blood transfusions, I had things I wanted to accomplish! I wanted to get my kids to the pool and teach them how to swim. It has been a great summer with Skye playing coach pitch baseball, Laken running track, and both of them have learned how to swim well enough to go off the diving boards. Skye can even do a flip off the board!
I was able to personally accomplish so things too. I ran a 2-mile race over the Fourth of July. It was not a marathon, but after having spent 3 months being treated and recouping for cancer in my spine it was a great accomplishment. It was a very sad day, because my cousin was not there to high five at the finish line, but I ran the race in his memory, and I know that he was there in spirit, watching over me and making sure that I was okay.
My other big accomplishment over the summer was my Relay for Life efforts. Our relay team ended up earning $15,500 for the American Cancer Society!!! We won awards for our outstanding fundraising as well as for our TEAM SPIRIT! We had 28 members on our team and 19 of them actually stayed ALL night! It was amazing, but was emotionally and physically draining for most! There were over 4000 luminaries lit, 20 with my name on them, and the whole relay raised approximately $320,000!!! Let's hope that we find a CURE! I had a dream the other night that I was watching my mom put flowers on my grave. It was a horrible dream, but would be an even worse reality.
What am I thankful for?! Dancing in the rain at midnight, riding mechanical bulls, drinking margaritas, the electricity of lightning storms, anniversaries, my fantastic children, today, yesterday, and tomorrow!
So, if you are keeping a tally and have lost track, I now have slow growing cancerous areas in my right breast, newly diagnosed cancer in my right 6th rib, 2 faint cancerous spots in my liver that are stable now for a year, improved spots in my T2 and T3 vertebra of my spine, and we are keeping watch on my ovaries.
Now, that brings us to treatment. What the doctor and I have decided to do, is keep me on the herceptin as it seems to be controlling my liver spots, and add tamoxifen (an antiestrogen) and zometa (a biophosphate). The tamoxifen is a pill that I take every day. It can cause hot flashes (which would cut down on my need to run a space heater in my office) and other menopausal type symptoms. I have been on it for a little over a month and I have not noticed any side effects at this point. The zometa is given every three weeks in the doctors office by an IV drip. It only takes about 15 minutes to infuse. The herceptin takes 1.5 hours, so it is pretty quick compared to that! The zometa can cause bone pain, but so far mine has been fairly mild and only lasts a day or two. The zometa doesn't treat the cancer, but my doctor thinks that it will make an unfavorable environment in my bones for the cancer grow and therefore, hopefully, slow the progression of my disease. Right now the game plan is to slow the overall progression of my disease as much as possible and try to maintain on the drugs that I am currently on. My doctor will keep a close eye on me, and when he or I feel like the progression is too much, I will go back into weekly chemotherapy treatments (the big guns). Since I responded so well last time, he doesn't expect any different the next time around. There will be a point in time when these drugs stop working, so we do not want to use them any sooner than we have to. And, I didn't really want to spend another summer going through weekly treatments and blood transfusions, I had things I wanted to accomplish! I wanted to get my kids to the pool and teach them how to swim. It has been a great summer with Skye playing coach pitch baseball, Laken running track, and both of them have learned how to swim well enough to go off the diving boards. Skye can even do a flip off the board!
I was able to personally accomplish so things too. I ran a 2-mile race over the Fourth of July. It was not a marathon, but after having spent 3 months being treated and recouping for cancer in my spine it was a great accomplishment. It was a very sad day, because my cousin was not there to high five at the finish line, but I ran the race in his memory, and I know that he was there in spirit, watching over me and making sure that I was okay.
My other big accomplishment over the summer was my Relay for Life efforts. Our relay team ended up earning $15,500 for the American Cancer Society!!! We won awards for our outstanding fundraising as well as for our TEAM SPIRIT! We had 28 members on our team and 19 of them actually stayed ALL night! It was amazing, but was emotionally and physically draining for most! There were over 4000 luminaries lit, 20 with my name on them, and the whole relay raised approximately $320,000!!! Let's hope that we find a CURE! I had a dream the other night that I was watching my mom put flowers on my grave. It was a horrible dream, but would be an even worse reality.
What am I thankful for?! Dancing in the rain at midnight, riding mechanical bulls, drinking margaritas, the electricity of lightning storms, anniversaries, my fantastic children, today, yesterday, and tomorrow!
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