Major Soul Searching.

Well, my doctor called right before we left for a weekend away with the kids.
This is what he said. I do have residual cancer in my breast. There is too much tissue that needs to be removed in order to do a lumpectomy and radiation, so my options are to have a mastectomy or see how long I can go on the herceptin alone without the cancer growing. There is a good and bad side to both. If I have a mastectomy, the surgery could weaken my immune system enough that cancer could grow elsewhere in my body or if I don't have the surgery, then I am leaving cancer cells sitting right there on my chest, which may or may not respond to the herceptin treatment.
He also said that I can wait the three months until I am scanned again and see if the breast responds to the treatment, and if it grows, then I could have a mastectomy...however, in my head, that means waiting until my system is weaker and then having surgery, and that seems a little risky to me. I think if I am going to have surgery, I should do it while I am as strong as possible.
The doctor did say that I could be maintained for years on herceptin, but I need to know what is going to get me 10-15 years, not 3-5 years...my babies are still pretty little!!!
I had a pretty long weekend, filled with the joy of playing with my children and the overwhelming fear of cancer taking me and leaving my children behind...I cried a lot, but we made it through, and I managed to keep it hidden from my kiddos! (I hope!)
Well, I have been gone, so I have to get stuff done around the house!
What am I thankful for?!?! Weekends away with my children, making memories!!!