8.15.2005

Enough with the SIGNS

Okay, I have a few concerned souls who have asked me about when I might actually follow through with the whole seeing a counselor thing. Well, let me tell you, I have actually made honest attempts in the past as I said I was going to-

Attempt #1: I called a therapist that was a referral from a friend who had breast cancer. When I called this therapist I went through the initial info over the phone only to find out that she did not take my insurance, and while a good therapist is not a thing one should turn down, I thought that the $130 a visit might get a little pricey once I opened my mouth and she realized the number of visits I was going to require! =)

Attempt #2: I finally decided to get a referral from my Oncologist for a Psychologist at the cancer center. I checked with the same friend from my previous attempt, and she said great things about this Dr, so I went ahead and called. HOWEVER, the psychologist was out, and it just so happened that her scheduler was also out, SO I would have to wait until Monday to call back and schedule an appointment. So, when Monday arrived, I was feeling much better and thought that my two failed attempts to schedule an appointment was a SIGN that I didn't really need to see a mental health professional!

Attempt #3: Today, I came into work and decided that after the long weekend and the constant weighing of options, maybe today was the day I would followed through with scheduling that appointment, so... knowing that I would be more likely to actually go if it was in Lincoln, I found someone in town who has experience working with clients who have cancer, and who actually came recommended as well. So, despite my many hesitations, I picked up the phone and dialed her number. HOWEVER, when I called they told me that the computers were down, so they could not make the appointment but that they would transfer me to the voicemail of someone who would call me back to schedule when the computers were back up and running. Now, knowing me, you should now understand that this alone was ringing in the back of my head as a SIGN, but when she attempted to transfer me and disconnected me...now THAT was CLEARLY a SIGN! However, much to my dismay a friend from work was simultaneously sending me a message- after reading my BLOG- that now might be a good time to schedule that appointment for "professional help", so...I did pick up the phone, call back and successfully left a message for them to call me back to schedule (however, I did give a false name and number- no, just kidding). It just so happens, that when they called back to schedule, I was gone at my acupuncture appointment and missed the call. Now really, is that not a sign? Should it be this hard to schedule an appointment if it was meant to be?!? You guessed it, I thought it was a sign! So, I didn't call back.

Later in the day (several hours mind you) I was going about my business when another work friend was on his way out for the day and nonchalantly said "goodbye, and hey, make that counseling appointment". OKAY!!! -so enough with the signs! I made the appointment, and I go tomorrow morning. Geesh, did they have to have an opening so soon!?!? I was thinking maybe next week would be soon enough!!! =)

In all seriousness, I do honestly believe it will do me good to talk to someone who is not emotionally invested in me. Someone that I can share all my fears with, without having to worry about making them scared or sad or angry in the process. So, assuming I don't get struck with a terrible asian flu or blow a tire on the SUV, all the signs point to- YES, I will be seeing a therapist!

Really, you don't all need to all cheer at once. That might hurt my feelings! Okay, probably not! =)

What am I thankful for?!?! Friends who nudge me in the right direction, despite my heel dragging.

4 comments:

breezy said...

It makes me soo happy you are gettting some counseling...dont get too grounded tho for you still need to be YOU ahahhaha...best of luck always dear...luv ya

Jocelyn Harnly Fowler said...

Cousin! Sorry I have not contacted you before now but I am always checking on your progress....I am also so glad you are sucking up your pride. I know what it feels like to be prideful and refuse to admit you need some help from some "trained professional", but I also know that it helps in tremendous ways if you let yourself be helped....Jason(Toj) and I are always praying for the whole Danny Harnly Clan. I love you guys and hopefully one day we will get up there to see you Y'ALL...Oh yeah i said it!
In Christ <>< Jocelyn

Jocelyn Harnly Fowler said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Megan Miller said...

Hi Tracy,

I hope you remember me from KinderCare. I got married so my last name has changed. I just recently learned of your situation and was given your blog address. I just wanted you to know that your family is in my thoughts often. Your strength is admirable and your words are inspiring. I wish you the best as you continue with your treatment. Tell Skye hello for me--hope he remembers who I am!!

Miss Megan =)