I am now less than a week from scan time!!! Next Tuesday I will be having my PET/CT to see what is going on inside me. I don't know about you, but I prefer my insides to stay....well....inside! The scan takes between 2-4 hours. I will have the scan on Tuesday, and then I will go back on Thursday to meet with the doctor to get my results and then to get my treatment.
Things have been going pretty well lately. I have had some back and neck pain and some other small issues, but nothing has gone terribly wrong.
What am I thankful for?!
Time.
9.27.2006
8.16.2006
3am and nothing to do
Just got done tossing and turning in bed and watching a little prerecorded tv. Thought maybe if I typed a little I could get some junk out of my head and be done with it for awhile! I think I use this as a forum to convince myself of things, more than anything else.
After I blogged the other day, I went back and read a bunch of my old blogs, looking at where I was a year ago, at how I was dealing with this all. I had blogs which seemed almost embarrassingly over optimistic when you read the rest of the story. At first, I started to feel like I was only fooling myself, and there was no point my optimism....it was a very ugly time for me, and just not my nature. That is when I started to think about all the time that I HAVE been here since my diagnosis, and how my optimism has helped me and my family and children deal with this horrible disease. I don't want to spend what time I have left here being unhappy or making the people around me unhappy. No one knows how much time they have here and I could live longer than any one of you! While I have gotten some unwanted inside information on my possible fate, that doesn't mean that I should stop living now or not applaud every little piece of good news we get, even if it only lasts for one week, because I can tell you, that was one damn good week, and I am glad I had it! The good weeks, days, or months, give me time to rebuild my strength so that I can tackle the next obstacle with all I have.
So, if you have also read back through my blogs and you felt sorry for me, or felt like I was only fooling myself, please remember, that I vow to enjoy every great thing that happens to me, no matter how small or how insignificant it may be to the big picture, because this is my life and I only have one chance at it! I am no different than anyone else!
Well, I am going to sneek up and kiss my kids one more time, and try to get a couple more hours of sleep before work tomorrow.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that I have been given the time to tell my kids, family, and friends how much I love them, and that I am aware of how important is it to talk to my children about things I want them to know later in life. I don't know if I would have been so good at those kinds of things if I didn't feel a sort of urgency to do them!
After I blogged the other day, I went back and read a bunch of my old blogs, looking at where I was a year ago, at how I was dealing with this all. I had blogs which seemed almost embarrassingly over optimistic when you read the rest of the story. At first, I started to feel like I was only fooling myself, and there was no point my optimism....it was a very ugly time for me, and just not my nature. That is when I started to think about all the time that I HAVE been here since my diagnosis, and how my optimism has helped me and my family and children deal with this horrible disease. I don't want to spend what time I have left here being unhappy or making the people around me unhappy. No one knows how much time they have here and I could live longer than any one of you! While I have gotten some unwanted inside information on my possible fate, that doesn't mean that I should stop living now or not applaud every little piece of good news we get, even if it only lasts for one week, because I can tell you, that was one damn good week, and I am glad I had it! The good weeks, days, or months, give me time to rebuild my strength so that I can tackle the next obstacle with all I have.
So, if you have also read back through my blogs and you felt sorry for me, or felt like I was only fooling myself, please remember, that I vow to enjoy every great thing that happens to me, no matter how small or how insignificant it may be to the big picture, because this is my life and I only have one chance at it! I am no different than anyone else!
Well, I am going to sneek up and kiss my kids one more time, and try to get a couple more hours of sleep before work tomorrow.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that I have been given the time to tell my kids, family, and friends how much I love them, and that I am aware of how important is it to talk to my children about things I want them to know later in life. I don't know if I would have been so good at those kinds of things if I didn't feel a sort of urgency to do them!
8.07.2006
The good news didn't last long.
I have not BLOGed for quite a long time. I am not even sure why. The thing is, I was just so happy to have finally gotten some good news, that when it all turned around, I think I was too disappointed to BLOG about it. Here is what happened. When I had my PET scan, the week following my last BLOG, it showed that I actually DO have cancer in my rib. Rib pain is apparently never JUST rib pain. There were also some abnormalities noted in both of my ovaries, but that has not been determined to be cancer, but just something worth watching at this point. The PET scan also showed that the area of my spine that was cancerous is much improved since my radiation treatments, which I could have told you by the mere improvement in my pain level! I generally have no pain in my back.
So, if you are keeping a tally and have lost track, I now have slow growing cancerous areas in my right breast, newly diagnosed cancer in my right 6th rib, 2 faint cancerous spots in my liver that are stable now for a year, improved spots in my T2 and T3 vertebra of my spine, and we are keeping watch on my ovaries.
Now, that brings us to treatment. What the doctor and I have decided to do, is keep me on the herceptin as it seems to be controlling my liver spots, and add tamoxifen (an antiestrogen) and zometa (a biophosphate). The tamoxifen is a pill that I take every day. It can cause hot flashes (which would cut down on my need to run a space heater in my office) and other menopausal type symptoms. I have been on it for a little over a month and I have not noticed any side effects at this point. The zometa is given every three weeks in the doctors office by an IV drip. It only takes about 15 minutes to infuse. The herceptin takes 1.5 hours, so it is pretty quick compared to that! The zometa can cause bone pain, but so far mine has been fairly mild and only lasts a day or two. The zometa doesn't treat the cancer, but my doctor thinks that it will make an unfavorable environment in my bones for the cancer grow and therefore, hopefully, slow the progression of my disease. Right now the game plan is to slow the overall progression of my disease as much as possible and try to maintain on the drugs that I am currently on. My doctor will keep a close eye on me, and when he or I feel like the progression is too much, I will go back into weekly chemotherapy treatments (the big guns). Since I responded so well last time, he doesn't expect any different the next time around. There will be a point in time when these drugs stop working, so we do not want to use them any sooner than we have to. And, I didn't really want to spend another summer going through weekly treatments and blood transfusions, I had things I wanted to accomplish! I wanted to get my kids to the pool and teach them how to swim. It has been a great summer with Skye playing coach pitch baseball, Laken running track, and both of them have learned how to swim well enough to go off the diving boards. Skye can even do a flip off the board!
I was able to personally accomplish so things too. I ran a 2-mile race over the Fourth of July. It was not a marathon, but after having spent 3 months being treated and recouping for cancer in my spine it was a great accomplishment. It was a very sad day, because my cousin was not there to high five at the finish line, but I ran the race in his memory, and I know that he was there in spirit, watching over me and making sure that I was okay.
My other big accomplishment over the summer was my Relay for Life efforts. Our relay team ended up earning $15,500 for the American Cancer Society!!! We won awards for our outstanding fundraising as well as for our TEAM SPIRIT! We had 28 members on our team and 19 of them actually stayed ALL night! It was amazing, but was emotionally and physically draining for most! There were over 4000 luminaries lit, 20 with my name on them, and the whole relay raised approximately $320,000!!! Let's hope that we find a CURE! I had a dream the other night that I was watching my mom put flowers on my grave. It was a horrible dream, but would be an even worse reality.
What am I thankful for?! Dancing in the rain at midnight, riding mechanical bulls, drinking margaritas, the electricity of lightning storms, anniversaries, my fantastic children, today, yesterday, and tomorrow!
So, if you are keeping a tally and have lost track, I now have slow growing cancerous areas in my right breast, newly diagnosed cancer in my right 6th rib, 2 faint cancerous spots in my liver that are stable now for a year, improved spots in my T2 and T3 vertebra of my spine, and we are keeping watch on my ovaries.
Now, that brings us to treatment. What the doctor and I have decided to do, is keep me on the herceptin as it seems to be controlling my liver spots, and add tamoxifen (an antiestrogen) and zometa (a biophosphate). The tamoxifen is a pill that I take every day. It can cause hot flashes (which would cut down on my need to run a space heater in my office) and other menopausal type symptoms. I have been on it for a little over a month and I have not noticed any side effects at this point. The zometa is given every three weeks in the doctors office by an IV drip. It only takes about 15 minutes to infuse. The herceptin takes 1.5 hours, so it is pretty quick compared to that! The zometa can cause bone pain, but so far mine has been fairly mild and only lasts a day or two. The zometa doesn't treat the cancer, but my doctor thinks that it will make an unfavorable environment in my bones for the cancer grow and therefore, hopefully, slow the progression of my disease. Right now the game plan is to slow the overall progression of my disease as much as possible and try to maintain on the drugs that I am currently on. My doctor will keep a close eye on me, and when he or I feel like the progression is too much, I will go back into weekly chemotherapy treatments (the big guns). Since I responded so well last time, he doesn't expect any different the next time around. There will be a point in time when these drugs stop working, so we do not want to use them any sooner than we have to. And, I didn't really want to spend another summer going through weekly treatments and blood transfusions, I had things I wanted to accomplish! I wanted to get my kids to the pool and teach them how to swim. It has been a great summer with Skye playing coach pitch baseball, Laken running track, and both of them have learned how to swim well enough to go off the diving boards. Skye can even do a flip off the board!
I was able to personally accomplish so things too. I ran a 2-mile race over the Fourth of July. It was not a marathon, but after having spent 3 months being treated and recouping for cancer in my spine it was a great accomplishment. It was a very sad day, because my cousin was not there to high five at the finish line, but I ran the race in his memory, and I know that he was there in spirit, watching over me and making sure that I was okay.
My other big accomplishment over the summer was my Relay for Life efforts. Our relay team ended up earning $15,500 for the American Cancer Society!!! We won awards for our outstanding fundraising as well as for our TEAM SPIRIT! We had 28 members on our team and 19 of them actually stayed ALL night! It was amazing, but was emotionally and physically draining for most! There were over 4000 luminaries lit, 20 with my name on them, and the whole relay raised approximately $320,000!!! Let's hope that we find a CURE! I had a dream the other night that I was watching my mom put flowers on my grave. It was a horrible dream, but would be an even worse reality.
What am I thankful for?! Dancing in the rain at midnight, riding mechanical bulls, drinking margaritas, the electricity of lightning storms, anniversaries, my fantastic children, today, yesterday, and tomorrow!
6.21.2006
Quick update!
GREAT NEWS!!! My rib pain is just rib pain!!!! The x-rays showed NO suspicious lesions!!! SUPER FANTASTIC!!!!!!
I will be having a PET scan next week to get a good look at my WHOLE system!
Thankful for?! Getting good news!
I will be having a PET scan next week to get a good look at my WHOLE system!
Thankful for?! Getting good news!
6.19.2006
Fun filled -all cancer- weekend!
That title just doesn't sound quite right, does it? But honestly, that is exactly what it was.
On Friday, some of my fantastic co-workers and I held a golf outing/dinner/raffle at a local golf course and raised nearly $4000.00 for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life! It was any amazing success considering we were just planning a "little outing". (We had no idea we would make as much money as we did. That brings our team to about $8000.00 in fundraising so far this year, and we have more events to go! Do you think we can make it to $10,000? Our goal was $7500.00, and when I set that goal, I think some of my teammates were a little if-y about our ability to raise that much money!)
On Saturday we attended a benefit for a classmate of mine from my hometown who has been receiving treatment for a brain tumor. They had a huge golf tournament followed by a raffle/silent auction/live auction and a live band. It was a huge success! It was good to see so many of our old classmates and people from our community out supporting her and her beautiful family. I know that it had to very emotional and overwhelming.
Tonight? Tonight I snuggled the boys until they fell asleep. I love those little creatures so much, and I thought that would help me sleep, but no such luck. I have been having some pain in my ribs, so I am going to see my oncologist tomorrow morning to see what he thinks about it, and to see if we have a plan for my treatment. I guess I am kind of scared, and feel like my cancer might just be growing out of control in there! It is so hard to think about that. Ever since I found out that my back pain was really due to my cancer, it has been hard not to wonder, every time I have an ache or pain, if it is my cancer spreading. We already know it is in my breast again, and we don't know if the cancer in my spine is gone or not, yet, so I just feel like I am in limbo! I like to have a plan. It is hard to just think I am sitting back doing nothing, and potentially letting my cancer spread. I am hoping that my doc will go along with the idea of getting a PET scan to check out ALL of my bones! It sure would make me feel better! Then I would know for sure what was going on, and I could deal with it. Not knowing...sucks, to be quite honest.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that I got to see my oldest son play baseball today, I am thankful that I will be able to see my youngest son run track tomorrow, and I am thankful that I have a huge support group to help me through all this, when I need them.
On Friday, some of my fantastic co-workers and I held a golf outing/dinner/raffle at a local golf course and raised nearly $4000.00 for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life! It was any amazing success considering we were just planning a "little outing". (We had no idea we would make as much money as we did. That brings our team to about $8000.00 in fundraising so far this year, and we have more events to go! Do you think we can make it to $10,000? Our goal was $7500.00, and when I set that goal, I think some of my teammates were a little if-y about our ability to raise that much money!)
On Saturday we attended a benefit for a classmate of mine from my hometown who has been receiving treatment for a brain tumor. They had a huge golf tournament followed by a raffle/silent auction/live auction and a live band. It was a huge success! It was good to see so many of our old classmates and people from our community out supporting her and her beautiful family. I know that it had to very emotional and overwhelming.
Tonight? Tonight I snuggled the boys until they fell asleep. I love those little creatures so much, and I thought that would help me sleep, but no such luck. I have been having some pain in my ribs, so I am going to see my oncologist tomorrow morning to see what he thinks about it, and to see if we have a plan for my treatment. I guess I am kind of scared, and feel like my cancer might just be growing out of control in there! It is so hard to think about that. Ever since I found out that my back pain was really due to my cancer, it has been hard not to wonder, every time I have an ache or pain, if it is my cancer spreading. We already know it is in my breast again, and we don't know if the cancer in my spine is gone or not, yet, so I just feel like I am in limbo! I like to have a plan. It is hard to just think I am sitting back doing nothing, and potentially letting my cancer spread. I am hoping that my doc will go along with the idea of getting a PET scan to check out ALL of my bones! It sure would make me feel better! Then I would know for sure what was going on, and I could deal with it. Not knowing...sucks, to be quite honest.
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that I got to see my oldest son play baseball today, I am thankful that I will be able to see my youngest son run track tomorrow, and I am thankful that I have a huge support group to help me through all this, when I need them.
6.03.2006
Worse and then Better
The morning after I typed my last blog, I already felt like I had been disceiving. My last blog was pretty upbeat and painted a pretty nice picture of how I was doing at the time. I think maybe I felt like if I said I was happy and feeling well that I just would be. The truth is, radiation sucked a little more than I expected it to.
Radiation was disceiving to me because, I would go in to the doctors office, lay face down on a table, and for 30 seconds I would hear a clicking sound, and then I would head off to work. I saw and felt nothing. It is hard to imagine that you can have side effects related to a clicking sound coming from another part of a room. I did have them though. I am easily tired these days, and I had a bad bout of esophagitis, but it thankfully only lasted a few days.
On the bright side, my last radiation treatment was this past Tuesday, but the fatigue is still there. Most evenings I am ready for bed at about 7pm, and getting up on time for work has not been that easy either. It doesn't help that I am awake from about 2:30am to 4:30am a lot of nights! Nights are especially hard for me, because they give me time to think. During the day I keep myself busy with work, the kids, the Realy for Life, friends, and family, but at night, there is nothing to keep me from thinking about this mess that I have somehow gotten stuck with. Mostly I worry about my kids, and how they will deal with my illness and....such.
I had my herceptin treatment this past Thursday, and met with my doc. I am still doing that every three weeks. He hasn't decided on whether or not to do any additional type of treatment yet. And, he has me on a lot of restricitions right now while my spine is in its current weakened state. I still can not run, I am not supposed to be lifting anything, and no strenuous activities. They worry about compression fractures. They will scan me in a month to see what the radiation did, and then we will proceed from there. I am hoping that I will get the okay to run at that point, but I do remember them saying that it takes about 6 months for new healthy bone to replace the areas that have been radiated, so maybe it will be longer than I had anticipated. I better start a walking program.
Well, if I don't wrap this up, the birds are going to be singing!
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that the radiation has relieved my back pain for the most part, and I am thankful that summer is here!
Radiation was disceiving to me because, I would go in to the doctors office, lay face down on a table, and for 30 seconds I would hear a clicking sound, and then I would head off to work. I saw and felt nothing. It is hard to imagine that you can have side effects related to a clicking sound coming from another part of a room. I did have them though. I am easily tired these days, and I had a bad bout of esophagitis, but it thankfully only lasted a few days.
On the bright side, my last radiation treatment was this past Tuesday, but the fatigue is still there. Most evenings I am ready for bed at about 7pm, and getting up on time for work has not been that easy either. It doesn't help that I am awake from about 2:30am to 4:30am a lot of nights! Nights are especially hard for me, because they give me time to think. During the day I keep myself busy with work, the kids, the Realy for Life, friends, and family, but at night, there is nothing to keep me from thinking about this mess that I have somehow gotten stuck with. Mostly I worry about my kids, and how they will deal with my illness and....such.
I had my herceptin treatment this past Thursday, and met with my doc. I am still doing that every three weeks. He hasn't decided on whether or not to do any additional type of treatment yet. And, he has me on a lot of restricitions right now while my spine is in its current weakened state. I still can not run, I am not supposed to be lifting anything, and no strenuous activities. They worry about compression fractures. They will scan me in a month to see what the radiation did, and then we will proceed from there. I am hoping that I will get the okay to run at that point, but I do remember them saying that it takes about 6 months for new healthy bone to replace the areas that have been radiated, so maybe it will be longer than I had anticipated. I better start a walking program.
Well, if I don't wrap this up, the birds are going to be singing!
What am I thankful for?! I am thankful that the radiation has relieved my back pain for the most part, and I am thankful that summer is here!
5.24.2006
A month of Celebrations!
The past month, has been both trying and blessed! In the past month, not only have I started back into cancer treatments, but I was also able to celebrate the birthday of both of the amazing little boys that God has truly blessed me with. I also celebrated the birthday's of a couple of close friends and celebrated my own 32nd birthday! As you might notice, I see no reason in hiding my age or pretending to be 29 plus a couple, or any other foolishness. I am proud of my age and will celebrate each and every birthday I am blessed to have. Beats the alternative!
I am guessing you are wondering what is going on with the cancer treatments. I am having radiation on my spine here in town, so that cuts down on the drive time. The plan was to go every day for two weeks, but that has been pushed to three weeks to help avoid some side effects. So far it has not been too bad. The drive across town takes about 3 times as long as the actually treatment does, and the side effects are minimal. I have had a little fatigue and a little problem with swelling of my esophagus due to radition falling past my spine. But, the main thing is that the back pain is getting MUCH better, and that is great news for me! I have been off of all my pain killers for three days now, and my side effects are so minimal right now, that I have not had to take any of the other stuff that has been prescribed. I did have a tough spell last week, but I think that was mainly due to a bad cold that just exacerbated my symptoms.
I did get the biopsy results back from my breast biopsy and they showed that the breast cancer that has shown up in my breast is the same HER2/NEU + type that I have had, so I will not be having any surgery, and we plan to just watch it and wait. If it gets significantly bigger, spreads, or the spots elsewhere in my system start to grow, then I will go back on to chemotherapy. For now we are going to treat my spine with the radiation and continue with the Herceptin every three weeks.
And to help me stay busy, I am going to continue to go to my 4 year olds track practices and meets, my 7 year olds little league baseball games, we will go swimming and play with friends, I will work and socialize, and I will continue my efforts to raise money for the American Cancer Society through the Relay for Life. Also, I haven't given up on the idea of running a half marathon, so if radiation goes REALLY well, I will begin a training program again.
What am I thankful for?! Birthdays!
I am guessing you are wondering what is going on with the cancer treatments. I am having radiation on my spine here in town, so that cuts down on the drive time. The plan was to go every day for two weeks, but that has been pushed to three weeks to help avoid some side effects. So far it has not been too bad. The drive across town takes about 3 times as long as the actually treatment does, and the side effects are minimal. I have had a little fatigue and a little problem with swelling of my esophagus due to radition falling past my spine. But, the main thing is that the back pain is getting MUCH better, and that is great news for me! I have been off of all my pain killers for three days now, and my side effects are so minimal right now, that I have not had to take any of the other stuff that has been prescribed. I did have a tough spell last week, but I think that was mainly due to a bad cold that just exacerbated my symptoms.
I did get the biopsy results back from my breast biopsy and they showed that the breast cancer that has shown up in my breast is the same HER2/NEU + type that I have had, so I will not be having any surgery, and we plan to just watch it and wait. If it gets significantly bigger, spreads, or the spots elsewhere in my system start to grow, then I will go back on to chemotherapy. For now we are going to treat my spine with the radiation and continue with the Herceptin every three weeks.
And to help me stay busy, I am going to continue to go to my 4 year olds track practices and meets, my 7 year olds little league baseball games, we will go swimming and play with friends, I will work and socialize, and I will continue my efforts to raise money for the American Cancer Society through the Relay for Life. Also, I haven't given up on the idea of running a half marathon, so if radiation goes REALLY well, I will begin a training program again.
What am I thankful for?! Birthdays!
5.04.2006
Back into treatment.
Well, a lot has happen since I last Blogged, and I know there are a lot of rumors, true and untrue, circulating out there.
Here is the deal. The spots that they biopsied in my breast, some of those were cancerous and some of those were not cancerous. They sent them back to pathology to see if they are the same Her2/neu + breast cancer I have right now, or if they are a new type of breast cancer. I do not have an answer on this yet, nor do we have a plan set up to deal with them.
The other big news, which is very disappointing (but we can handle it) is that my back pain...which I was blaming on muscle spasms after my run, has progressed and is actually cancer in my spine. I had an MRI done, and the cancer is isolated to two levels of my thoracic spine. It is maintained within the bone and is not in the spinal canal at this time. I will start radiation treatment, hopefully on Monday. This will be directed at my spine and will be daily for 4-6 weeks.
I had all my other scans done as well, and everything else is stable. So...I am going to stay on Herceptin every three weeks, add radiation to the spine, and NOT start any further chemo at this time. They will watch me closely, and we will fight fires as they start!
I hope this clears things up!
What am I thankful for?!
I am thankful that my doctor looked into the possibility of cancer in my spine instead of just giving me pain killers and muscle relaxers. (Let's get this taken care of NOW!)
I am thankful for my FANTASTIC children whose innocence and love get me through the tough times! They are great snugglers!!!
Here is the deal. The spots that they biopsied in my breast, some of those were cancerous and some of those were not cancerous. They sent them back to pathology to see if they are the same Her2/neu + breast cancer I have right now, or if they are a new type of breast cancer. I do not have an answer on this yet, nor do we have a plan set up to deal with them.
The other big news, which is very disappointing (but we can handle it) is that my back pain...which I was blaming on muscle spasms after my run, has progressed and is actually cancer in my spine. I had an MRI done, and the cancer is isolated to two levels of my thoracic spine. It is maintained within the bone and is not in the spinal canal at this time. I will start radiation treatment, hopefully on Monday. This will be directed at my spine and will be daily for 4-6 weeks.
I had all my other scans done as well, and everything else is stable. So...I am going to stay on Herceptin every three weeks, add radiation to the spine, and NOT start any further chemo at this time. They will watch me closely, and we will fight fires as they start!
I hope this clears things up!
What am I thankful for?!
I am thankful that my doctor looked into the possibility of cancer in my spine instead of just giving me pain killers and muscle relaxers. (Let's get this taken care of NOW!)
I am thankful for my FANTASTIC children whose innocence and love get me through the tough times! They are great snugglers!!!
4.28.2006
Welcome to my Rollercoaster!
Well, it has been quite a month since I last sat here, about to pass into my one year survivorship anniversary.
I have been to Jamaica~ and almost didn't come back! (I could get used to that kind of lifestyle, but there is not much calling for a"professional resort bum".) When I got back I had to kick the running back into gear, because I virtually undid all my pre-trip training while I was in Jamaica!
I had a 10K race on April 22nd that I FINISHED which was my first goal, I was not last which was my second goal, and I beat my personal record which was my third goal, so all in all that race went well. Mostly thanks to my friend Lori for running next to me and reminding me not to walk! She kept saying "Tracy, you are a strong person, you can do this! You have beaten bigger things!" My thoughts~ Okay, you convinced me and you are right, I will just ignore the fact that my lungs are dragging on the ground behind me and I will keep running! You have to love friends like that!
Now, the next hurdle is the half-marathon which is quickly approaching~on May 7th! One must bear in mind that I had the 10K last weekend; it is now Friday, and due to some pretty nasty back spasms and some pretty stressful medical news I have not run all week! This does not make for good pre-marathon training!
First things first. The back spasms, I am blaming those on my dad because he has been getting back spasms for as long as I can remember. So, not only did I inherit his stunning good looks (if you like big ears), I also got his bad back! But, luckily for me I have a dear friend who is a chiropractor and she has been treating my back, so hopeful this will be resolved soon. I would like to get a couple more training runs in or I will stroke out running the half-marathon!
As for the disheartening medical news, it is not really all that tragic right now, but just quite stressful. I recently went in for a mammogram due to some breast pain that I was having. The mammogram showed that the calcifications that were still present at the site of my primary tumor after chemo, in August '05, are now virtually resolved(AWESOME NEWS), however, I now have a new area of calcifications in another area of my breast which are concerning to the docs. I had this area biopsied yesterday and will get the results on Monday.
Did I mention that I have a half-marathon to run in just over a week?!?! There will be no opting out of the marathon! (Sorry Dad and Dan, I know you worry, but I have to do this, and I will be FINE!) I just got my race shirt ordered. On the front it says "PERSEVERE" in honor of my fight against cancer, and on the back it says "Running in memory of (my cousin)" who was a supporter of me and a hero to many! I am counting on him to give me a little nudge from the heavens on the day of the run!
Well, there you have it! Happy Arbor Day & Hug a tree!!
What am I thankful for?!
I AM THANKFUL TO BE HERE TO CELEBRATE MY CHILDREN'S 7TH AND 4TH BIRTHDAYS ON MAY 6TH!!!
I am thankful for the Relay for Life which gives me a positive distraction and a goal to work towards.
I am thankful for all of you that have donated to our cause and/or sent your well wishes!
I am thankful for my work friends who are going through cancer treatments~ my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am thankful that my friend with a newly diagnosed tumor is STRONG and has a strong support network because that is so important, especially when you are in and out of the hospital and have small children! (You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!)
All my love,
Tracy
I have been to Jamaica~ and almost didn't come back! (I could get used to that kind of lifestyle, but there is not much calling for a"professional resort bum".) When I got back I had to kick the running back into gear, because I virtually undid all my pre-trip training while I was in Jamaica!
I had a 10K race on April 22nd that I FINISHED which was my first goal, I was not last which was my second goal, and I beat my personal record which was my third goal, so all in all that race went well. Mostly thanks to my friend Lori for running next to me and reminding me not to walk! She kept saying "Tracy, you are a strong person, you can do this! You have beaten bigger things!" My thoughts~ Okay, you convinced me and you are right, I will just ignore the fact that my lungs are dragging on the ground behind me and I will keep running! You have to love friends like that!
Now, the next hurdle is the half-marathon which is quickly approaching~on May 7th! One must bear in mind that I had the 10K last weekend; it is now Friday, and due to some pretty nasty back spasms and some pretty stressful medical news I have not run all week! This does not make for good pre-marathon training!
First things first. The back spasms, I am blaming those on my dad because he has been getting back spasms for as long as I can remember. So, not only did I inherit his stunning good looks (if you like big ears), I also got his bad back! But, luckily for me I have a dear friend who is a chiropractor and she has been treating my back, so hopeful this will be resolved soon. I would like to get a couple more training runs in or I will stroke out running the half-marathon!
As for the disheartening medical news, it is not really all that tragic right now, but just quite stressful. I recently went in for a mammogram due to some breast pain that I was having. The mammogram showed that the calcifications that were still present at the site of my primary tumor after chemo, in August '05, are now virtually resolved(AWESOME NEWS), however, I now have a new area of calcifications in another area of my breast which are concerning to the docs. I had this area biopsied yesterday and will get the results on Monday.
Did I mention that I have a half-marathon to run in just over a week?!?! There will be no opting out of the marathon! (Sorry Dad and Dan, I know you worry, but I have to do this, and I will be FINE!) I just got my race shirt ordered. On the front it says "PERSEVERE" in honor of my fight against cancer, and on the back it says "Running in memory of (my cousin)" who was a supporter of me and a hero to many! I am counting on him to give me a little nudge from the heavens on the day of the run!
Well, there you have it! Happy Arbor Day & Hug a tree!!
What am I thankful for?!
I AM THANKFUL TO BE HERE TO CELEBRATE MY CHILDREN'S 7TH AND 4TH BIRTHDAYS ON MAY 6TH!!!
I am thankful for the Relay for Life which gives me a positive distraction and a goal to work towards.
I am thankful for all of you that have donated to our cause and/or sent your well wishes!
I am thankful for my work friends who are going through cancer treatments~ my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am thankful that my friend with a newly diagnosed tumor is STRONG and has a strong support network because that is so important, especially when you are in and out of the hospital and have small children! (You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!)
All my love,
Tracy
3.13.2006
Less than two hours left
A couple of weeks ago, when I had my 3 month follow up testing, I found out that my cancer continues to be stable. The spots in my spine actually appeared to have improved. Unfortunately, they were able to see two spots in my liver which they actually feel were visible on prior CT scans, but were just not reported because they are so small. One spot is approximately 6mm and one spot is approximately 7mm. As long as these spots stay this size and don't grow, we are not going to worry about them (easier said than done).
Tonight I found the inspiration to type as I look back on the last year and all that has come of it, as tomorrow is the one year anniversary of when this all began for me.
One year ago tomorrow I began a journey towards living. Because, little to my knowledge and little to the knowledge of those around me I was dying. It wasn't painful, it wasn't scary, as a matter of fact, it was easy. What isn't easy? Living isn't easy. It is hard work. It takes will. And, a lot of the time it hurts. It hurt in my bones, it hurt in my heart, and it hurt to the bottom of my soul. I went through MRIs, CT scans, PET scans, x-rays, 2 port surgeries, 6 rounds of chemo therapy, and a couple fairly uninspiring counseling appointments. I saw people come and go at chemotherapy, older people and younger people. I saw people cry when they got good results and cry when they got bad results. I saw people come in for one, two, and ten year follow ups and be disease free. I saw family members bring in food to the doctors and nurses who cared for their love one up until they slipped away. I learned that nothing in life is guaranteed and I learned that if you want something bad enough, you damn well better work for it. I learned that life is to short to waste your time worrying about things that don't matter. I learned that you need to embrace the good things in your life and try to rid your life of the toxic things that cloud your existance. And, I learned that 100 percent of the time this is easier said than done.
I learned that you can not run away from cancer, but trying sure makes you feel better. I learned that if you are just crazy enough you can run 13.1 miles on a treadmill at the gym and it is healing on the mind and hard on the knees! I learned that if you are lucky enough to have great family and friends they will applaud you for your acheivements and some will even rub your feet!
Most of all, I learned that strength and courage has to come from within. It can not be given to us by others, but the will to seek that strength within can be found when looking into the eyes of your children, or your parents, or your spouse or a friend.
What am I thankful for?!? I am not one of those people who will say that I am thankful that I got cancer or that it is the best thing that ever happened to me....that is bull. However, I am thankful for the things that I have learned so far, I am thankful for the love I saw in others that helped me build on my strength, I am thankful that I will likely get to see my children celebrate their 4th and 7th birthdays in May, I am thankful to be going on an amazing vacation with my husband, and.....most of all, I am thankful to be here to experience life, even when it sucks, because I am not willing to take the alternative!
Tonight I found the inspiration to type as I look back on the last year and all that has come of it, as tomorrow is the one year anniversary of when this all began for me.
One year ago tomorrow I began a journey towards living. Because, little to my knowledge and little to the knowledge of those around me I was dying. It wasn't painful, it wasn't scary, as a matter of fact, it was easy. What isn't easy? Living isn't easy. It is hard work. It takes will. And, a lot of the time it hurts. It hurt in my bones, it hurt in my heart, and it hurt to the bottom of my soul. I went through MRIs, CT scans, PET scans, x-rays, 2 port surgeries, 6 rounds of chemo therapy, and a couple fairly uninspiring counseling appointments. I saw people come and go at chemotherapy, older people and younger people. I saw people cry when they got good results and cry when they got bad results. I saw people come in for one, two, and ten year follow ups and be disease free. I saw family members bring in food to the doctors and nurses who cared for their love one up until they slipped away. I learned that nothing in life is guaranteed and I learned that if you want something bad enough, you damn well better work for it. I learned that life is to short to waste your time worrying about things that don't matter. I learned that you need to embrace the good things in your life and try to rid your life of the toxic things that cloud your existance. And, I learned that 100 percent of the time this is easier said than done.
I learned that you can not run away from cancer, but trying sure makes you feel better. I learned that if you are just crazy enough you can run 13.1 miles on a treadmill at the gym and it is healing on the mind and hard on the knees! I learned that if you are lucky enough to have great family and friends they will applaud you for your acheivements and some will even rub your feet!
Most of all, I learned that strength and courage has to come from within. It can not be given to us by others, but the will to seek that strength within can be found when looking into the eyes of your children, or your parents, or your spouse or a friend.
What am I thankful for?!? I am not one of those people who will say that I am thankful that I got cancer or that it is the best thing that ever happened to me....that is bull. However, I am thankful for the things that I have learned so far, I am thankful for the love I saw in others that helped me build on my strength, I am thankful that I will likely get to see my children celebrate their 4th and 7th birthdays in May, I am thankful to be going on an amazing vacation with my husband, and.....most of all, I am thankful to be here to experience life, even when it sucks, because I am not willing to take the alternative!
2.22.2006
Yippy!!!
Just a quick note.... My computer has been down, so I didn't have time to BLOG, and I am too busy to do it tonight too, but I just wanted to let you know that all went well last Thursday! My cancer is stable, and I can be free of worry for the next 3 months! More BLOGGING to come soon....
What am I thankful for?!?! All the people who supported me in the last couple of weeks and helped me through the stress of it all.
Love you!
What am I thankful for?!?! All the people who supported me in the last couple of weeks and helped me through the stress of it all.
Love you!
1.27.2006
Let the meltdown begin!
Well, where do I start. A few things have been going on in the last month. I have been training for my half-marathon, started attending team leader meetings for the Relay for Life, and had another treatment.
I have gotten started on my list of things I want to do before I die. Not that I plan to die anytime soon, but mainly because I think everyone should have a list, and I am 30+ and some of my goals warrant some sort of youthfulness, so I thought I better get started on mine. Of the things on my list I am currently working on a) running a marathon, b) speaking out about something that means something to me (despite my stagefright), and c) doing something with this life change(cancer) I have been given.
So, to start toward my goal of running a marathon I thought I better run a HALF marathon(don't want to kick the bucket running 26.2 miles right off the bat, when I have spent the last ten months trying so hard to LIVE. That would be a damn shame!). I have been running about 5 times per week. I average between 25-30 miles per week, and my longest run so far was 10 miles. I just started lifting a little this week. I am going to run the city's Half Marathon on May 7th. I plan to run this for 2 reasons. The first reason being that I want to prove that I am not sick! I want to feel like I have some control over this body of mine. All through chemo I felt out of control of my body, which is a pretty sucky way to feel if I might say so myself! I feel like if I can propel this bod of mine 13.1 miles without falling over, that I have some control over what my body is doing...ie. more control over my body than my cancer does!!! The second reason I want to run this is to run in memory of my cousin, Jeff. Because he was a marathon runner, and because I told him I would someday, and well, there is no better time than the present. He has gotten me through several of my longer training runs. Several times, as I have been running on the treadmill I have located a spot and concentrated on it. During this time, I picture him telling me that I can do it! And, honestly, I truely think he is watching over me, because otherwise, I have no explaination for how I, of all people, can run 10 miles!!! =)
Now, the next two goals are kind of running together at the moment. I feel like I must have gotten cancer for a reason, and I am not sure what that reason is, so for right now, I am going to put energy into fundraising for cancer research. Since I have been given this disease, I want to do something with it. I am going to use my experience to help raise money for reasearch(and motivate other to do the same) which may eventually save millions of peoples lives, and if it brings about a cure soon enough, it may even save my life! That is were the Relay 4 Life comes in! The relay raises money every year to fund research. It is by far one of the largest fundraising campaigns in the US for cancer research, and their funds have been used to discover/create the drug Herceptin which currently is doing a large part in keeping me in a "partial remission". I owe my life, literally, to these advances in cancer research! Now, in addition to fundraising, and organizing teams, and so forth, I have also agreed to speak at the next team leader meeting. This may not seem like much to you, but for me that is HUGE, because I have a real fear of public speaking, and there are about 70-100 people that attend these meetings! I am going to speak out about my disease, what has happened to me, the fact that YOUNG women do get breast cancer, the importance of self exams and advocating for yourself with your doctor even if you aren't 40 years old yet, and why it means so much to us cancer survivors to see everyone gather at tracks across the United States to raise money, and awareness, and most of all to foster HOPE. HOPE for a cure! A cure in my lifetime, or a cure in my children's lifetime, or in the lifetime of my grandchildren.
Now, enough about life goals. I did have treatment last week, and I suppose you want to know how that went. Well, I proudly waltzed into the office in my "I love my Oncologist" t-shirt and went through the routine- everything looks good, drip...drip...drip... Oh, my hemoglobin was low, so I got a shot to boost my red blood cell production, but that was the only thing out of the ordinary, and was no big deal. THEN, I found out that all my scans are at my next visit. I will be getting scanned on Feb 16th. They will do a CT scan of my chest, abdomen, and my pelvis, and a MUGA scan to see how my heart is holding up to the Herceptin. Right now I am handling the news of have my scans right around the corner quite well, but I will probably check in with you all again the week before, because that is when the reality of it all usually hits. I mean really, I feel well, but I felt well before I was diagnosed too, and at that time I was harboring a 5 cm breast tumor and two smaller breast tumors, bone mets, and 3 liver tumors! So, I will not know for sure until the doctor walks into the office at 1pm (or there about, he is usually 45-60 minutes behind) on Feb 26th. Until then, one can only assume that a higher power would not let me continue to put myself through all this half-marathon training if he was just going to throw my butt back into full chemo, right?!?! And, I have a trip to Jamaica planned for my 1 year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis, and I am really not going to miss THAT!!!! So, from the week prior to the 16th of Feb thru about 3pm that day, please do whatever it is you do- pray for me, send me good vibes, cross your fingers, do the no cancer hula....I don't care, but whatever you do, help me through this!!! There are times I feel like I can do it all myself, and there are times that I see myself as a little speck in this vast universe, and feel like I could use all the good forces out there to back this little speck up!!
What am I thankful for?!?! A winter that feels like spring, a friend that pushes me to train and supports me every step of the way and applauds my accomplishments no matter how small, members of the American Cancer Society that believe in my strength and encourage me to spread my message, and all of you who read this stuff I write, because without you, I am just writing all this to myself, and if you think about it, that is a little weird!!!
Love, Me
I have gotten started on my list of things I want to do before I die. Not that I plan to die anytime soon, but mainly because I think everyone should have a list, and I am 30+ and some of my goals warrant some sort of youthfulness, so I thought I better get started on mine. Of the things on my list I am currently working on a) running a marathon, b) speaking out about something that means something to me (despite my stagefright), and c) doing something with this life change(cancer) I have been given.
So, to start toward my goal of running a marathon I thought I better run a HALF marathon(don't want to kick the bucket running 26.2 miles right off the bat, when I have spent the last ten months trying so hard to LIVE. That would be a damn shame!). I have been running about 5 times per week. I average between 25-30 miles per week, and my longest run so far was 10 miles. I just started lifting a little this week. I am going to run the city's Half Marathon on May 7th. I plan to run this for 2 reasons. The first reason being that I want to prove that I am not sick! I want to feel like I have some control over this body of mine. All through chemo I felt out of control of my body, which is a pretty sucky way to feel if I might say so myself! I feel like if I can propel this bod of mine 13.1 miles without falling over, that I have some control over what my body is doing...ie. more control over my body than my cancer does!!! The second reason I want to run this is to run in memory of my cousin, Jeff. Because he was a marathon runner, and because I told him I would someday, and well, there is no better time than the present. He has gotten me through several of my longer training runs. Several times, as I have been running on the treadmill I have located a spot and concentrated on it. During this time, I picture him telling me that I can do it! And, honestly, I truely think he is watching over me, because otherwise, I have no explaination for how I, of all people, can run 10 miles!!! =)
Now, the next two goals are kind of running together at the moment. I feel like I must have gotten cancer for a reason, and I am not sure what that reason is, so for right now, I am going to put energy into fundraising for cancer research. Since I have been given this disease, I want to do something with it. I am going to use my experience to help raise money for reasearch(and motivate other to do the same) which may eventually save millions of peoples lives, and if it brings about a cure soon enough, it may even save my life! That is were the Relay 4 Life comes in! The relay raises money every year to fund research. It is by far one of the largest fundraising campaigns in the US for cancer research, and their funds have been used to discover/create the drug Herceptin which currently is doing a large part in keeping me in a "partial remission". I owe my life, literally, to these advances in cancer research! Now, in addition to fundraising, and organizing teams, and so forth, I have also agreed to speak at the next team leader meeting. This may not seem like much to you, but for me that is HUGE, because I have a real fear of public speaking, and there are about 70-100 people that attend these meetings! I am going to speak out about my disease, what has happened to me, the fact that YOUNG women do get breast cancer, the importance of self exams and advocating for yourself with your doctor even if you aren't 40 years old yet, and why it means so much to us cancer survivors to see everyone gather at tracks across the United States to raise money, and awareness, and most of all to foster HOPE. HOPE for a cure! A cure in my lifetime, or a cure in my children's lifetime, or in the lifetime of my grandchildren.
Now, enough about life goals. I did have treatment last week, and I suppose you want to know how that went. Well, I proudly waltzed into the office in my "I love my Oncologist" t-shirt and went through the routine- everything looks good, drip...drip...drip... Oh, my hemoglobin was low, so I got a shot to boost my red blood cell production, but that was the only thing out of the ordinary, and was no big deal. THEN, I found out that all my scans are at my next visit. I will be getting scanned on Feb 16th. They will do a CT scan of my chest, abdomen, and my pelvis, and a MUGA scan to see how my heart is holding up to the Herceptin. Right now I am handling the news of have my scans right around the corner quite well, but I will probably check in with you all again the week before, because that is when the reality of it all usually hits. I mean really, I feel well, but I felt well before I was diagnosed too, and at that time I was harboring a 5 cm breast tumor and two smaller breast tumors, bone mets, and 3 liver tumors! So, I will not know for sure until the doctor walks into the office at 1pm (or there about, he is usually 45-60 minutes behind) on Feb 26th. Until then, one can only assume that a higher power would not let me continue to put myself through all this half-marathon training if he was just going to throw my butt back into full chemo, right?!?! And, I have a trip to Jamaica planned for my 1 year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis, and I am really not going to miss THAT!!!! So, from the week prior to the 16th of Feb thru about 3pm that day, please do whatever it is you do- pray for me, send me good vibes, cross your fingers, do the no cancer hula....I don't care, but whatever you do, help me through this!!! There are times I feel like I can do it all myself, and there are times that I see myself as a little speck in this vast universe, and feel like I could use all the good forces out there to back this little speck up!!
What am I thankful for?!?! A winter that feels like spring, a friend that pushes me to train and supports me every step of the way and applauds my accomplishments no matter how small, members of the American Cancer Society that believe in my strength and encourage me to spread my message, and all of you who read this stuff I write, because without you, I am just writing all this to myself, and if you think about it, that is a little weird!!!
Love, Me
1.06.2006
Treatment
I had treatment again this week, and it was pretty routine...hello, yes, everything is going well...okay...drip, drip, drip...bye-bye.
Christmas went well, but I am glad it is over...New Years too! I think I am just ready for a new year! I hope this one goes better than the last. I am not up for any more big bombshells! My 1 yr anniversary of my diagnosis is the second week in March. I can't believe that it has been almost a year! It went pretty fast, considering! I think I slept through about 4 months of it though, so that could be why it went so fast for me!
My doc says I have one more routine treatment left, and then we will scan again before the treatment after that! It just seems like my scans were finished, and we are talking about doing it again. It is so strange to think that this is how my life is going to be from here on out! Measured in three month increments! But, if this had been 10-15 years ago, I would have been given a prognosis of only about 3 months, so I won't complain! LIFE IS GOOD for me right now. For the most part, I don't even remember I am sick until it is treatment time, and people I meet have NO idea unless I tell them, which...why would I?!
Well, I just really don't have much to say other than, Here is to a BETTER 2006!!!
What am I thankful for?! A new year with me in it! Cheers!!!
Christmas went well, but I am glad it is over...New Years too! I think I am just ready for a new year! I hope this one goes better than the last. I am not up for any more big bombshells! My 1 yr anniversary of my diagnosis is the second week in March. I can't believe that it has been almost a year! It went pretty fast, considering! I think I slept through about 4 months of it though, so that could be why it went so fast for me!
My doc says I have one more routine treatment left, and then we will scan again before the treatment after that! It just seems like my scans were finished, and we are talking about doing it again. It is so strange to think that this is how my life is going to be from here on out! Measured in three month increments! But, if this had been 10-15 years ago, I would have been given a prognosis of only about 3 months, so I won't complain! LIFE IS GOOD for me right now. For the most part, I don't even remember I am sick until it is treatment time, and people I meet have NO idea unless I tell them, which...why would I?!
Well, I just really don't have much to say other than, Here is to a BETTER 2006!!!
What am I thankful for?! A new year with me in it! Cheers!!!
12.24.2005
Hello again...
I had treatment again last week. I also met with the doctor to see what he thought of my spine MRI's, and here is the deal. The cancer was in my spine at the T3 level, and I have a compression deformity at T11. They think the L4-5, L5-S1 is just degenerative disk disease, and while a handle a lot of claims for that at work, I was actually excited to hear that is what I had...beats cancer! Anyway, I do have to think about the area at T3, and as far as I understand it (which isn't saying a lot), when there is cancer that has spread to the bone, these spots can then fill in with either Osteoblastic material (in prostate cancer and in about 20% of breast cancer) or Osteolytic material (as in most breast cancer cases). The Zometa that my doctor was considering putting me on, helps in the cases of osteolytic lesions,because they are weaker tissue and the med helps strengthen the bone in that area...well, I am not like most cases, and mine has filled in with the hard, sclerotic, blastic tissue, so there is really nothing they can do for that at this time. I could go on the Zometa anyway, for the "potential" benefits for the breast cancer alone, but it isn't going to help my spine, and the side effects can suck, so...since the cancer is stable, we have decided to keep on the track we are already on, and hold off on adding anything new. He also did a manual exam of my breast and the area that I had lymphnode involvement due to some of my own paranoia, but he did not think he felt any chenges, so that is good.
On a different front, I contune to run. There is new research out every day on the benefits of running/exercise, and I more than anythhing, I think it helps my mental state to run. I am running between 3-5 miles 3 to 5 times a week depending what is going on! With the holidays and the kids' activities, it is sometimes hard to get everything do! I am hosting Christmas Eve at my house tonight with my side of the family, so that is keeping us busy! Dan and the kids just left, Dan thought that taking the kids shopping on Christmas Eve was less stressful than being around me while I am cleaning...now, I have been shopping with my children in the last couple of weeks and it is not pretty...I wonder what he is trying to tell me?!?!
I hope you all have a very Happy Holiday Season! No matter what holiday it is that you are celebrating, don't forget to take a break from your shopping or crazed cleaning (in my case) to enjoy the time that you have with your family and friends...I am going to go finish picking up, and when the boys get back, I think I will call it good and get started on the Gingerbread house we have been meaning to make! No time like the present! Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself.
What am I thankful for?!?! I am thankful for a loving family and children, several great groups of friends, loving teachers to care for my children (and no, I have not forgotten our previous rockstar teachers!), baking cookies with friends (okay, all I did was decorate), and no drip windex!
Much Love,
Tracy
On a different front, I contune to run. There is new research out every day on the benefits of running/exercise, and I more than anythhing, I think it helps my mental state to run. I am running between 3-5 miles 3 to 5 times a week depending what is going on! With the holidays and the kids' activities, it is sometimes hard to get everything do! I am hosting Christmas Eve at my house tonight with my side of the family, so that is keeping us busy! Dan and the kids just left, Dan thought that taking the kids shopping on Christmas Eve was less stressful than being around me while I am cleaning...now, I have been shopping with my children in the last couple of weeks and it is not pretty...I wonder what he is trying to tell me?!?!
I hope you all have a very Happy Holiday Season! No matter what holiday it is that you are celebrating, don't forget to take a break from your shopping or crazed cleaning (in my case) to enjoy the time that you have with your family and friends...I am going to go finish picking up, and when the boys get back, I think I will call it good and get started on the Gingerbread house we have been meaning to make! No time like the present! Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself.
What am I thankful for?!?! I am thankful for a loving family and children, several great groups of friends, loving teachers to care for my children (and no, I have not forgotten our previous rockstar teachers!), baking cookies with friends (okay, all I did was decorate), and no drip windex!
Much Love,
Tracy
11.27.2005
A time to be Thankful!
Well, it is getting to that time of the year where there is something going on every night, with holiday parties, children's programs, holiday shopping, and visits to see Santa. The past couple weeks have been pretty busy in our household. Two weeks ago I was sick for an entire week with 102-103 degree fever, and this week I had treatment on Tuesday and, of course, it was Thanksgiving.
This was my first time being sick since chemo, and I have found, that after being in chemo, getting sick is much scarier than one would expect. I laid on the couch miserable for 5 days, refusing to lay in my nice, comfortable bed, because that is where I was chemo sick, and I refused to feel chemo sick. It was like a terrible flashback. I had to keep reminding myself that this was not cancer, and I would be fine in a couple of days, however, what my mind was telling me was being completely overridden by the fear in my heart. This fear and sadness was compounded by my oldest son asking me if my bad cells had come back, and if I was going to have to go to the doctor all the time, again. I hate for my children to see me sick now, no matter what it is. I don't want their memories of me to be me stuck on the couch sick all the time.
I went to treatment by myself this last Tuesday, which was nice for me because I like to ride up there with my music blasting, singing like a rockstar (which, I might be, but I don't sing in front of anyone, so you would just never know). It also gives me a chance to get some reading done as the Herceptin, ie. liquid gold, drips into my veins. My doctor was a little shocked to see me there alone, given my history of bringing someone new every time I go. It has been a running joke with them.
I got the results back from my MUGA scan. My ejection fraction (which indicates heart functioning) had dropped from 79% to 70%. This initially scared me a little because 55% is as low as they will let it go before they take me off of the Herceptin. I figured if my EF dropped by 9% every 5 months, I might not be on this too long, and this is the stuff that is saving my life! But...my doctor said that 70% is very normal, and that 79% was actually pretty high, and he thinks that I was just nervous when they did my baseline MUGA. This is entirely possible given the fact that it took 5 tries for them to successfully thread my IV that day and they blew a vein in the process.
They also did lab work on Tuesday, and my blood counts were low, so they gave me a shot of Arnesp to boost my red blood cell production.
We did not start the Zometa yet. My doctor wants to get an MRI of my spine to see exactly how the bone is healing back in where the cancer once was. Since my bone density testing was normal, he thinks that if the bones are healing back in fairly normally, then he is not sure whether or not he wants to start me on Zometa or not. He indicated that there are some pretty sucky side effects, and he wants to strike a balance between being aggressive with my treatment and not making me miserable with treatment side effects. So, I am going back to the hospital in a week and a half to have a full spine MRI, and then the following week, which is my normal treatment week, we will decide whether or not to start the Zometa.
Other than that, treatment went pretty well.
As far as the rest of my life, we had a beautiful, organic, free-range, Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws, and spent a lot of time with friends in our neighborhood. We put up Christmas lights and decorated the tree, and I got some running in.
What am I thankful for?!?! I am thankful to be in that time of the year when everyone else takes that time to examine their life and what they are thankful for. I think it is so important to reflect on the year and look past all the mildly annoying and painfully difficult times, and place emphasis on the people and the things in your life that make you happy and bless you each and every day. The top things on my list are: my family(immediate and extended), my friends (immediate and extended), my current fairly good state of health, the health of my children, my doggy, my beautiful home that I had the privilege of designing with my dad (which is incredibly special to me), twinkling christmas lights, my running shoes, and the fabulous weather that we had today!
This was my first time being sick since chemo, and I have found, that after being in chemo, getting sick is much scarier than one would expect. I laid on the couch miserable for 5 days, refusing to lay in my nice, comfortable bed, because that is where I was chemo sick, and I refused to feel chemo sick. It was like a terrible flashback. I had to keep reminding myself that this was not cancer, and I would be fine in a couple of days, however, what my mind was telling me was being completely overridden by the fear in my heart. This fear and sadness was compounded by my oldest son asking me if my bad cells had come back, and if I was going to have to go to the doctor all the time, again. I hate for my children to see me sick now, no matter what it is. I don't want their memories of me to be me stuck on the couch sick all the time.
I went to treatment by myself this last Tuesday, which was nice for me because I like to ride up there with my music blasting, singing like a rockstar (which, I might be, but I don't sing in front of anyone, so you would just never know). It also gives me a chance to get some reading done as the Herceptin, ie. liquid gold, drips into my veins. My doctor was a little shocked to see me there alone, given my history of bringing someone new every time I go. It has been a running joke with them.
I got the results back from my MUGA scan. My ejection fraction (which indicates heart functioning) had dropped from 79% to 70%. This initially scared me a little because 55% is as low as they will let it go before they take me off of the Herceptin. I figured if my EF dropped by 9% every 5 months, I might not be on this too long, and this is the stuff that is saving my life! But...my doctor said that 70% is very normal, and that 79% was actually pretty high, and he thinks that I was just nervous when they did my baseline MUGA. This is entirely possible given the fact that it took 5 tries for them to successfully thread my IV that day and they blew a vein in the process.
They also did lab work on Tuesday, and my blood counts were low, so they gave me a shot of Arnesp to boost my red blood cell production.
We did not start the Zometa yet. My doctor wants to get an MRI of my spine to see exactly how the bone is healing back in where the cancer once was. Since my bone density testing was normal, he thinks that if the bones are healing back in fairly normally, then he is not sure whether or not he wants to start me on Zometa or not. He indicated that there are some pretty sucky side effects, and he wants to strike a balance between being aggressive with my treatment and not making me miserable with treatment side effects. So, I am going back to the hospital in a week and a half to have a full spine MRI, and then the following week, which is my normal treatment week, we will decide whether or not to start the Zometa.
Other than that, treatment went pretty well.
As far as the rest of my life, we had a beautiful, organic, free-range, Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws, and spent a lot of time with friends in our neighborhood. We put up Christmas lights and decorated the tree, and I got some running in.
What am I thankful for?!?! I am thankful to be in that time of the year when everyone else takes that time to examine their life and what they are thankful for. I think it is so important to reflect on the year and look past all the mildly annoying and painfully difficult times, and place emphasis on the people and the things in your life that make you happy and bless you each and every day. The top things on my list are: my family(immediate and extended), my friends (immediate and extended), my current fairly good state of health, the health of my children, my doggy, my beautiful home that I had the privilege of designing with my dad (which is incredibly special to me), twinkling christmas lights, my running shoes, and the fabulous weather that we had today!
11.01.2005
From Pink Bunnies to Pink Ladies!
The past week has been everything from turbulent, to fabulous, to touching, to frightening, to just plain stunning...
Turbulence: I went through most of the past week with friends in turmoil, whether that be with me, with each other, or within their own lives separate from me. So, as is my nature, I spent a lot of time worrying about them and why everyone can't just get along (...and if ya need a little prozac to do that, well by all means let me refer you!) I am so thankful for the relationships that I have with my friends and family and I love them all, in all their grandeur.
Turbulence: I went through most of the past week with friends in turmoil, whether that be with me, with each other, or within their own lives separate from me. So, as is my nature, I spent a lot of time worrying about them and why everyone can't just get along (...and if ya need a little prozac to do that, well by all means let me refer you!) I am so thankful for the relationships that I have with my friends and family and I love them all, in all their grandeur.
Fabulous: I was able to spend a lot of time with my old neighbors and their families, as well as my brother-and sister-in-law, and some old friends from high school, as we made our tour of costume parties on Saturday. While I looked quite ridiculous in my costume, it was kind of fun to dress up and pretend to be someone else for awhile.
Touching: Sunday was our Making Strides walk. We had about 48 people on our team, if you count everyone who purchased t-shirts for the event. Unfortunately, we had a few that were unable to make it for one reason or another, but were definitely there in spirit! We had 9 of us that wore pink wigs, a couple with pink boas, and lots of other assorted pink wear. We caused quite a scene and apparently a few of us made it on to a 3 sec. blip on the news, but I have yet to see that. Most of all, we raised money and awareness for breast cancer research and treatment, and gave HOPE to those of us who are still in the thick of "surviving". I can't even begin to explain how touching it is to know that I have friends, and lots of them, that are willing to go walk 5 miles for me...and a supervisor/friend so FABULOUS that he provided "tailgate refreshments" at the end of the walk for the team!! Go TMARYMOONERS!!!!
Frightening: Apart from it being Halloween on Monday and chasing two little Ghouls around the neighborhood, I started to get nervous about the scans that I was having today. I know that their is no sense in fretting and that a positive attitude can take you a long way, but it is hard to get rid of that little nagging "what if" in the back of ones mind. Especially when it is in your nature to be prepared for whatever is to come, be it good, bad, or indifferent.
Stunning: Today was just that. I went in for my 3 months post treatment scans. And after drinking 3 glasses of CT contrast, having blood drawn, an IV threaded, beams of radiation shown through me, and radioactive material injected into my veins and pumped through my blood stream, I saw my doctor. And what did he say??? (Really, is that what you have read through this whole blog to find out?!?!) He said... that I do not have any new areas of concern and that my cancer is stable. Stable in that the liver looks unchanged, with one tiny "spot" that may or may not be malignant that is unchanged from the previous CT scan. It is so small that a needle biopsy would not even be possible, and if it did prove to be malignant would not change my course of treatment. As for my breast, they did not see any tumors on my chest CT. All of that... that was good news! It means that what I thought I had is still gone, at least as gone as it has ever been. That means that even without the chemo, and with just Herceptin, I am kicking some cancer @ss! Now, here comes the interesting part. Remember back in the beginning, when they thought that I had cancer in my bones? Well, they did follow up x-rays and determined that is was probably not cancer and if it was cancer, it was very minuet and was not creating damage to my bones. Well, it has now been established that the bone cancer, no not bone cancer, was actually.... bone cancer. HOWEVER, what I thought I had and then thought I didn't have, and now know I did have, is now GONE!!! You just don't know what you got until it's gone, do you?! Sometimes, I think that might be a good thing. It turns out that on my latest scans, they can see that the changes noted in my bone on previous scans are now healing in with new bone material. Since degenerative changes do not do that, they know that the treatment has "improved" my condition (for lack of a better way of explaining it) and therefore, the spots were cancerous. I guess maybe a higher power was noticing the the breast cancer with liver AND bone mets was a little too much for me to handle in one sitting, so he took the information back, and gave it to me now, after the treatment had it under control, to kind of "soften" the blow. I do appreciate that! And, I do feel better equipped to handle it now.
So, what does this mean for the future? It means that I will be having a bone density test tomorrow, and if all goes well and the results show that I can handle the treatment that I will need to protect my bones, I will be started on another IV drug called Zometa. I will take this every 3 weeks as I have been taking the Herceptin. There do not appear to be any significant side effects, and it will only change life as I know it by adding 15-30 minutes to my IV drip every three weeks. A small price to pay for LIFE!
What am I thankful for?! Hugs(as always), smiles on children's faces, trick-or-treating, and the feel of the fresh autumn air!
10.25.2005
Beware of Pink Bunnies!
Well, I think the anxiety of my upcoming scans has kicked into full gear now. I don't really feel nervous during the day, and haven't been consciously thinking about it too much, but at night I am having the hardest time getting to sleep, and when I do fall asleep I am having all sorts of nightmares. I don't know if it is all the PINK stuff that is out there right now for Breast Cancer Awareness month that is making me crazy or what, but about a week ago I had a dream (nightmare) that Dan had to wake me from, because apparently my tossing and turning had startled him. I was dreaming that I was walking through a field alone, and it was dark. There were broken down barns on each side of me....all of a sudden.... men dressed in pink bunny costumes (yes, the Easter bunny kind) jumped out at me and just started screaming like maniacs. They were not saying anything....just screaming. That is when I tried to scream but no sound would come out, and it was in that fit of terror that Dan woke me up to see if I was okay! Now, I am no psychologist, but generally pink bunnies are not what nightmares are made of!!! Seriously, had Dan not woke me up, they may have stoned me with Easter eggs or forced me to eat chocolate, or some other horrible fate!
Breast Cancer Awareness month is becoming quite the month, with sales of everything from ink pens, bagels, diamond necklaces, and even pink kitchen appliances going to breast cancer research! I love it, because I know that the money that is made from the sales of all these things could lead to a cure in my lifetime, or at least lead to more advanced drugs that will make "my lifetime" longer and longer! HOWEVER, all his pink "stuff" makes it a little hard to forget about what I am going through. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and not being reminded of my cancer is a blessing as well! I think about it enough as it is! Just think about it, if you logged on to my BLOG, then you were thinking about it, which means you probably think about my cancer every now and then, and I....I think about it every time I get up in the morning and wash my hair with special shampoo to help my hair grow back in thicker from the thinning it did during chemo, every time I make a pot of green tea in the a.m. to drink throughout the day because of the health benefits and the fact that it makes my mother happy, every time I put food into my mouth because of my special "fight cancer diet", every time my kids say something about the future (like "when you are a grandma will you..." or "when I get married will you..."), and every time I get out there and run, because as Melissa Etheridge says in her new song, "I Run for Life"! I also think about my cancer every time I see the scar and lump over my heart when my chemo port is, every time I go to the doctor, every time I look into the eyes of my parents and see their worry, and every single time I see something PINK! Damn, I really don't know when I get anything done! Oh, and that new song from Melissa Etheridge is definitely worth a listen. It means a lot to me, and it sure does say a lot in not too many words (much unlike this Blog which seems to be getting pretty long, and I still have two more things to cover yet!)
I received an e-mail from a breast cancer website that I belong to that indicated that Kodak was wanting some photos of breast cancer survivors for an upcoming commercial. So, I sent in a couple of pics, and they chose a picture of me holding my godson. It is a picture of me shortly after I cut my hair really short in anticipation of chemotherapy. I believe it was only a few days after I had my port surgery. I believe the commercial is going to show lots of photos of women in their everyday lives, and then at the end of the commercial they are going to note that all the women you just saw are breast cancer survivors. Last I heard, my pic was going to be used, but I have not heard back from them since I faxed in my model release forms! HAHAHA, "model release forms"!! ?? That cracked me up too! I was a little disappointed that they did not use the picture of me with my kiddos, but I feel like my Godson and I share some odd bond, because at exactly the same time as I was walking out of the hospital from my breast biopsy my friend was walking into that very same hospital in labor with this precious little soul! I have no idea when or where, but if you happen to see a Kodak commercial with breast cancer survivors, look for me holding a gorgeous little baby boy, and drop me a line, too, because I would like to see it as well. I guess my hopes to give a face to YOUNG women with breast cancer might come true, even if it is a tiny pic on TV for a millisecond!!! =)
I went to a breast cancer survivors luncheon last week, and I can tell you, young people with breast cancer are hard to find. That luncheon looked more like a "How to cope with Menopause" or maybe even more like an "AARP" meeting for women. I was by FAR the youngest in the crowd! But, it was nice to be among others who know, somewhat, what I am going through. It is kind of comforting.
What am I thankful for?!?! Hot-tubbing under the stars, great friends and family, and now that it is getting colder out...my fleece monkey jammies!!!
Nighty-Nite!
Breast Cancer Awareness month is becoming quite the month, with sales of everything from ink pens, bagels, diamond necklaces, and even pink kitchen appliances going to breast cancer research! I love it, because I know that the money that is made from the sales of all these things could lead to a cure in my lifetime, or at least lead to more advanced drugs that will make "my lifetime" longer and longer! HOWEVER, all his pink "stuff" makes it a little hard to forget about what I am going through. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and not being reminded of my cancer is a blessing as well! I think about it enough as it is! Just think about it, if you logged on to my BLOG, then you were thinking about it, which means you probably think about my cancer every now and then, and I....I think about it every time I get up in the morning and wash my hair with special shampoo to help my hair grow back in thicker from the thinning it did during chemo, every time I make a pot of green tea in the a.m. to drink throughout the day because of the health benefits and the fact that it makes my mother happy, every time I put food into my mouth because of my special "fight cancer diet", every time my kids say something about the future (like "when you are a grandma will you..." or "when I get married will you..."), and every time I get out there and run, because as Melissa Etheridge says in her new song, "I Run for Life"! I also think about my cancer every time I see the scar and lump over my heart when my chemo port is, every time I go to the doctor, every time I look into the eyes of my parents and see their worry, and every single time I see something PINK! Damn, I really don't know when I get anything done! Oh, and that new song from Melissa Etheridge is definitely worth a listen. It means a lot to me, and it sure does say a lot in not too many words (much unlike this Blog which seems to be getting pretty long, and I still have two more things to cover yet!)
I received an e-mail from a breast cancer website that I belong to that indicated that Kodak was wanting some photos of breast cancer survivors for an upcoming commercial. So, I sent in a couple of pics, and they chose a picture of me holding my godson. It is a picture of me shortly after I cut my hair really short in anticipation of chemotherapy. I believe it was only a few days after I had my port surgery. I believe the commercial is going to show lots of photos of women in their everyday lives, and then at the end of the commercial they are going to note that all the women you just saw are breast cancer survivors. Last I heard, my pic was going to be used, but I have not heard back from them since I faxed in my model release forms! HAHAHA, "model release forms"!! ?? That cracked me up too! I was a little disappointed that they did not use the picture of me with my kiddos, but I feel like my Godson and I share some odd bond, because at exactly the same time as I was walking out of the hospital from my breast biopsy my friend was walking into that very same hospital in labor with this precious little soul! I have no idea when or where, but if you happen to see a Kodak commercial with breast cancer survivors, look for me holding a gorgeous little baby boy, and drop me a line, too, because I would like to see it as well. I guess my hopes to give a face to YOUNG women with breast cancer might come true, even if it is a tiny pic on TV for a millisecond!!! =)
I went to a breast cancer survivors luncheon last week, and I can tell you, young people with breast cancer are hard to find. That luncheon looked more like a "How to cope with Menopause" or maybe even more like an "AARP" meeting for women. I was by FAR the youngest in the crowd! But, it was nice to be among others who know, somewhat, what I am going through. It is kind of comforting.
What am I thankful for?!?! Hot-tubbing under the stars, great friends and family, and now that it is getting colder out...my fleece monkey jammies!!!
Nighty-Nite!
10.11.2005
Where have you all been?
Sorry I have not BLOGGED for awhile! It has been a busy return to the school year with the kids having many activities!!! Since my last blog I went to my third and final counseling appointment. I found that the first two visits were helpful as I was in "crisis" situations at the time, but since then, things have been rolling along pretty smoothly. I have busied myself with things that are important to me....spending time with my family, starting a new running program, and fundraising for cancer research. For the most part, she pretty much was just affirming that I had things pretty together...have you met me?!? Maybe I needed a different counselor! But in all honesty, I think I do have things pretty together, and when I don't, I have you all to put me back together pretty well!
Last weekend a great friend and I did the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K run/walk. It was a lot of fun. They had a record 11,000 participants!! It was an amazing sight!!!
At the end of the month I will be participating in the Making Strides 5 mile walk for Breast Cancer Research and Support! This is put on by the American Cancer Society. I have 41 walkers on my team!! What a crew!
Today I had Herceptin treatment. My doctor did a manual exam of my breast and doesn't feel any changes, so that is a good sign that the Herceptin is working! On my next appt, November 1st, they will be doing CT scans of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis to make sure that there are no changes elsewhere, and to make sure that the spots in my liver have not returned. I will get the results of my scans on that same day. My lab results were good today, and my liver function tests were normal!
With as busy as things have been, chances are that I will not be blogging again until after that appt. So, at that time, I will update you all on the scan results and how the 5 mile walk went! If anything interesting happens in the meantime, I will let you all know, but right now life is pretty NORMAL! (as normal as it can be for an abnormal girl like me!)
HAPPY BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!!!
What am I thankful for?! Everything. I am thankful for yesterday and I am thankful for today. I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had to help others, and I am thankful for all of the help that I have received thus far from others. I am thankful for those that still wear pink bands on their wrists to promote awareness and to support me, and I am thankful for the health that I have right now and the health that you all have! xoxo
Last weekend a great friend and I did the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K run/walk. It was a lot of fun. They had a record 11,000 participants!! It was an amazing sight!!!
At the end of the month I will be participating in the Making Strides 5 mile walk for Breast Cancer Research and Support! This is put on by the American Cancer Society. I have 41 walkers on my team!! What a crew!
Today I had Herceptin treatment. My doctor did a manual exam of my breast and doesn't feel any changes, so that is a good sign that the Herceptin is working! On my next appt, November 1st, they will be doing CT scans of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis to make sure that there are no changes elsewhere, and to make sure that the spots in my liver have not returned. I will get the results of my scans on that same day. My lab results were good today, and my liver function tests were normal!
With as busy as things have been, chances are that I will not be blogging again until after that appt. So, at that time, I will update you all on the scan results and how the 5 mile walk went! If anything interesting happens in the meantime, I will let you all know, but right now life is pretty NORMAL! (as normal as it can be for an abnormal girl like me!)
HAPPY BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!!!
What am I thankful for?! Everything. I am thankful for yesterday and I am thankful for today. I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had to help others, and I am thankful for all of the help that I have received thus far from others. I am thankful for those that still wear pink bands on their wrists to promote awareness and to support me, and I am thankful for the health that I have right now and the health that you all have! xoxo
9.08.2005
Second Opinion.
I went in today for a second opinion with a breast cancer specialist, who is also a leading MD in high dose chemo/stem cell transplants.
She was very straight forward with me. She said that she had reviewed my case, and indicated that she did not believe that a stem cell transplant was a good option for me. She indicated that she has done 200+ stem cell transplants on individuals with metastatic cancer over the last 9-10 years, and of those, 5 individuals were still living in 2004. She indicated that of those 5, all but one of them had had a recurrence during that time and required chemotherapy. She believes that the stem cell transplant did get them a longer period of time without any kind of treatment, but does not necessarily think that it was prolonging their life. She said that they likely could have all been placed on chemo again and been maintained on that type of treatment and had the same outcome. She said that since we can not expect a cure in my case, that to go through about 100 days of poor quality of life from the treatment would, in her opinion, not be a great option.
I asked her about whether or not she felt that a mastectomy was a good idea. She indicated that she did not necessary think that there was anything to gain from having the surgery, and also indicated that keeping the breast was going to help make recurrences more quickly identifiable, therefore allowing for treatment sooner.
I asked her about whether or not having my ovaries removed or radiated would be helpful, since my tumor is 26% Estrogen receptive. She said that I could do that, but felt that taking an oral agent to counter the hormones would be as effective. She said that she believes that the chemo will eventually put me into menopause anyway, so it will not really be an issue anyway.
I also asked her about experimental trials, and if I should look into them. She said that right now that would not be an option for me because I have no measurable disease, but that when I am in a recurrence I could look into that. She said that when the time comes, I should look at third stage trials because they were promising enough in the first two trials to actually make it to a third trial, and that is a good sign. She did not know of any exciting third stage trials going on at this time. She said that she would only look into the first and second stage trials if it comes to the point that I have exhausted all my other options.
She said that right now, Herceptin is very promising and that their are other drugs out there that I have not tried yet. She said that I still have good things available to me, and suggested that I continue down the path of treatment that I am already on. She said that if I feel like I have to have a stem cell transplant, that I could make another appointment to come in and talk to her about it, and she would consider doing it.
But for now, she feels like my doctor is doing very well by me, and that she respects him a lot, and that she would even go to him if she had cancer. She said that she knows that he is up on all the new drugs, testing and treatment options that are out there, but if at sometime I had a question(s) for her, I could call her and do a phone consult (to save on paying for a visit) or I could even have my doctor call her. She said that she would be happy to consult with us if we felt like we needed another opinion.
Well, there you have it. It was definite not fun to talk about the fact that my condition is not curable, and that I will have recurrences, and all of that, but I did get straight forward information and her honest and professional opinion (no matter how hard it was to hear) and that is what I was looking for.
What am I thankful for?!?! Herceptin.
She was very straight forward with me. She said that she had reviewed my case, and indicated that she did not believe that a stem cell transplant was a good option for me. She indicated that she has done 200+ stem cell transplants on individuals with metastatic cancer over the last 9-10 years, and of those, 5 individuals were still living in 2004. She indicated that of those 5, all but one of them had had a recurrence during that time and required chemotherapy. She believes that the stem cell transplant did get them a longer period of time without any kind of treatment, but does not necessarily think that it was prolonging their life. She said that they likely could have all been placed on chemo again and been maintained on that type of treatment and had the same outcome. She said that since we can not expect a cure in my case, that to go through about 100 days of poor quality of life from the treatment would, in her opinion, not be a great option.
I asked her about whether or not she felt that a mastectomy was a good idea. She indicated that she did not necessary think that there was anything to gain from having the surgery, and also indicated that keeping the breast was going to help make recurrences more quickly identifiable, therefore allowing for treatment sooner.
I asked her about whether or not having my ovaries removed or radiated would be helpful, since my tumor is 26% Estrogen receptive. She said that I could do that, but felt that taking an oral agent to counter the hormones would be as effective. She said that she believes that the chemo will eventually put me into menopause anyway, so it will not really be an issue anyway.
I also asked her about experimental trials, and if I should look into them. She said that right now that would not be an option for me because I have no measurable disease, but that when I am in a recurrence I could look into that. She said that when the time comes, I should look at third stage trials because they were promising enough in the first two trials to actually make it to a third trial, and that is a good sign. She did not know of any exciting third stage trials going on at this time. She said that she would only look into the first and second stage trials if it comes to the point that I have exhausted all my other options.
She said that right now, Herceptin is very promising and that their are other drugs out there that I have not tried yet. She said that I still have good things available to me, and suggested that I continue down the path of treatment that I am already on. She said that if I feel like I have to have a stem cell transplant, that I could make another appointment to come in and talk to her about it, and she would consider doing it.
But for now, she feels like my doctor is doing very well by me, and that she respects him a lot, and that she would even go to him if she had cancer. She said that she knows that he is up on all the new drugs, testing and treatment options that are out there, but if at sometime I had a question(s) for her, I could call her and do a phone consult (to save on paying for a visit) or I could even have my doctor call her. She said that she would be happy to consult with us if we felt like we needed another opinion.
Well, there you have it. It was definite not fun to talk about the fact that my condition is not curable, and that I will have recurrences, and all of that, but I did get straight forward information and her honest and professional opinion (no matter how hard it was to hear) and that is what I was looking for.
What am I thankful for?!?! Herceptin.
9.06.2005
I hope you get the chance...
This last week has been a very, very difficult one for my father's side of the family. My cousin was killed in an accident, and leaves behind a son, and ton of family, and friends, all of whom love him very much!
I have been having such a hard time with this, because I do love him. He was very inspirational to me, and I bragged about him every chance I got! He had recently e-mailed me the following: "If you ever feel down in the dumps, you can email or call me, cause I will tell you to drop the attitude and get up and fight (of course get the rest when you need it too)." He was tough, but loving all at the same time! I saved that e-mail, and will probably read it over and over again, and someday...just maybe, I will be able to read it without crying! Nah, probably not.
The good thing about my cousin, is that he seemed to be good at telling people that he cared about them, and he seemed to live his days to the fullest, without having to be prompted to do so. I for instance, lived 6 hours away, and did not get to actually see him in person much, but he kept in touch by phone and e-mail, and I would never question the fact that he loves me...and is probably looking down on me right now, wondering why I didn't run today...(and Jeff, if you must know, my gluts hurt from the workout I did this weekend in an attempt to get back into the swing of things so that I can run that half marathon that I told you I would get too. I did say HALF marathon didn't I? Because if I said full marathon, I am sure that was a mistake! And quit laughing, sore gluts is nothing to make light of, and I know that it is pathetic, but give me a break here, I am trying!)
I think I am learning to live my days to the fullest, as I know that I may not be here until I am 80+ years old, like most of us just assume we will, or at least I always did. I have learned through my illness and through the loss of my cousin that life is very fragile and that we need to appreciate every single day that we have with our friends and family and we need to tell the people that we love, that we love them. We just can't assume that they know!
I have found that since my diagnosis, many of my friends and family have made it a point to tell me that they love me, and some tell me every single day, in their e-mails, text messages, phone calls, voicemails, hugs, and smiles. Or, in their endless efforts to make me laugh when I am down in the dumps. I hope that I too have made it perfectly clear to my friends and family how much I love them!
To steal a line from a country song that is pretty important to me, I hope that everyone gets a chance to live like they were dying. -to love more and to hate less, to laugh more and to cry less, to play more and to fret less, to enjoy life and not feel put out by it, because life is fragile, and we just never know when it will be cut short for us or for someone that we love. Take the time now to tell people in your life that you care about them...do not wait!
What am I thankful for?!?! I am thankful for each day that I have with the people that I love, and whether I have 2 more days, 2 more years,or 10 more years, I am thankful to have the chance to tell you all that I care about you!
I have been having such a hard time with this, because I do love him. He was very inspirational to me, and I bragged about him every chance I got! He had recently e-mailed me the following: "If you ever feel down in the dumps, you can email or call me, cause I will tell you to drop the attitude and get up and fight (of course get the rest when you need it too)." He was tough, but loving all at the same time! I saved that e-mail, and will probably read it over and over again, and someday...just maybe, I will be able to read it without crying! Nah, probably not.
The good thing about my cousin, is that he seemed to be good at telling people that he cared about them, and he seemed to live his days to the fullest, without having to be prompted to do so. I for instance, lived 6 hours away, and did not get to actually see him in person much, but he kept in touch by phone and e-mail, and I would never question the fact that he loves me...and is probably looking down on me right now, wondering why I didn't run today...(and Jeff, if you must know, my gluts hurt from the workout I did this weekend in an attempt to get back into the swing of things so that I can run that half marathon that I told you I would get too. I did say HALF marathon didn't I? Because if I said full marathon, I am sure that was a mistake! And quit laughing, sore gluts is nothing to make light of, and I know that it is pathetic, but give me a break here, I am trying!)
I think I am learning to live my days to the fullest, as I know that I may not be here until I am 80+ years old, like most of us just assume we will, or at least I always did. I have learned through my illness and through the loss of my cousin that life is very fragile and that we need to appreciate every single day that we have with our friends and family and we need to tell the people that we love, that we love them. We just can't assume that they know!
I have found that since my diagnosis, many of my friends and family have made it a point to tell me that they love me, and some tell me every single day, in their e-mails, text messages, phone calls, voicemails, hugs, and smiles. Or, in their endless efforts to make me laugh when I am down in the dumps. I hope that I too have made it perfectly clear to my friends and family how much I love them!
To steal a line from a country song that is pretty important to me, I hope that everyone gets a chance to live like they were dying. -to love more and to hate less, to laugh more and to cry less, to play more and to fret less, to enjoy life and not feel put out by it, because life is fragile, and we just never know when it will be cut short for us or for someone that we love. Take the time now to tell people in your life that you care about them...do not wait!
What am I thankful for?!?! I am thankful for each day that I have with the people that I love, and whether I have 2 more days, 2 more years,or 10 more years, I am thankful to have the chance to tell you all that I care about you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
