12.16.2009
12.07.2009
12.04.2009
11.26.2009
11.23.2009
2nd Opinion on Jaw
Well, I met with the oral surgeon at UNMC that works with a lot of patients with ONj. And, the consensus is that we do...nothing. There is good and bad news that goes with this decision.
The good news: He thinks that if my ONj was going to progress it would have already progressed at least a little in the last three months that I have been dealing with it. So, he doesn't think that it will get worse.
The bad news: What will happen is that piece of my jaw will die, and I will "spit it out". Mmmm...nice. But, once that happens there will, hopefully, be enough tissue for that area to heal shut and, hopefully, make my pain go away. This could take anywhere from 6 months to 18+ months to occur.
To review-
Good news: The pain will end.
Bad news: Not for quite some time.
What am I thankful for?!
Dinner with Dad and grandma and grandpa Lingwall this afternoon, and Thanksgiving with Mom and grandma and grandpa Leff this weekend. And...the kids are excited to open one Christmas present each tonight and we had fun decorating for Christmas lastnight. Life is still good! =)
The good news: He thinks that if my ONj was going to progress it would have already progressed at least a little in the last three months that I have been dealing with it. So, he doesn't think that it will get worse.
The bad news: What will happen is that piece of my jaw will die, and I will "spit it out". Mmmm...nice. But, once that happens there will, hopefully, be enough tissue for that area to heal shut and, hopefully, make my pain go away. This could take anywhere from 6 months to 18+ months to occur.
To review-
Good news: The pain will end.
Bad news: Not for quite some time.
What am I thankful for?!
Dinner with Dad and grandma and grandpa Lingwall this afternoon, and Thanksgiving with Mom and grandma and grandpa Leff this weekend. And...the kids are excited to open one Christmas present each tonight and we had fun decorating for Christmas lastnight. Life is still good! =)
11.20.2009
11.18.2009
Health officials decry report on mammograms
http://m.billingsgazette.com/mobile/article_09abc8ba-d3d7-11de-a898-001cc4c002e0.html
http://m.billingsgazette.com/mobile/article_09abc8ba-d3d7-11de-a898-001cc4c002e0.html
11.17.2009
Whining about my mouth/jaw...sorry.
Here is a link to the best information I have found regarding my condition....I have had a million and one people ask me about it, and why they can't "fix" it, and what they are going to do next, etc. Here is a good article regarding my condition and the treatment of my condition...
http://jop.stateaffiliates-asco.org/JanuaryIssue/7.pdf
I do think I would think twice before ever taking IV Zometa, and I will NEVER go back on it again! I am miserable! I have had a "toothache" for 3 months now! I think the drug company should add to the list of warnings that it CAN and DOES spontaniously occur in patients that have had NO dental work done, and who have EXCELLENT teeth and dental hygiene. I know...because it happened to me.
I see the oral surgeon again tomorrow. I hope he has an idea for better pain management!
What am I thankful for?! Pain medication.
http://jop.stateaffiliates-asco.org/JanuaryIssue/7.pdf
I do think I would think twice before ever taking IV Zometa, and I will NEVER go back on it again! I am miserable! I have had a "toothache" for 3 months now! I think the drug company should add to the list of warnings that it CAN and DOES spontaniously occur in patients that have had NO dental work done, and who have EXCELLENT teeth and dental hygiene. I know...because it happened to me.
I see the oral surgeon again tomorrow. I hope he has an idea for better pain management!
What am I thankful for?! Pain medication.
11.09.2009
11.03.2009
11.01.2009
10.27.2009
New email address!
GETTING THINGS TOGETHER! After 10 1/2 months, I spent most of today trying to get my bills and affairs into better order.
My daycare payments have been incorrect, so I have been paying too much (great record keeping, huh), but at least I don't owe extra.
My email has also been going thru Dan's modem rather than mine, so I could never fix my connection and haven't been getting email on my PC forever (been using my blackberry for everything) but, after 3 hours on the phone with timewarner, an help from Dan, I have a new email address. Please make a note of it...
tharnly1@neb.rr.com!
Please do not use tharnly@neb.rr.com or tmarymoon@yahoo.com or tmarymoon@gmail.com. I no longer check them...it is TOO MUCH to keep track of! Thank you!
What am I thankful for? The 2nd person a timewarner that helped me- she was great, Dan for helping out in the middle of his work day, and the couple coors lights that helped me with my patience. You know how I am....I want everything fixed YESTERDAY! =)
Now I am going to watch Johnny Cash- Walk the Line with a friend....Love it!
My daycare payments have been incorrect, so I have been paying too much (great record keeping, huh), but at least I don't owe extra.
My email has also been going thru Dan's modem rather than mine, so I could never fix my connection and haven't been getting email on my PC forever (been using my blackberry for everything) but, after 3 hours on the phone with timewarner, an help from Dan, I have a new email address. Please make a note of it...
tharnly1@neb.rr.com!
Please do not use tharnly@neb.rr.com or tmarymoon@yahoo.com or tmarymoon@gmail.com. I no longer check them...it is TOO MUCH to keep track of! Thank you!
What am I thankful for? The 2nd person a timewarner that helped me- she was great, Dan for helping out in the middle of his work day, and the couple coors lights that helped me with my patience. You know how I am....I want everything fixed YESTERDAY! =)
Now I am going to watch Johnny Cash- Walk the Line with a friend....Love it!
10.21.2009
10.16.2009
10.15.2009
10.13.2009
10.12.2009
10.08.2009
10.05.2009
9.29.2009
9.28.2009
9.23.2009
9.21.2009
9.16.2009
9.15.2009
9.14.2009
9.10.2009
9.08.2009
9.03.2009
9.01.2009
8.26.2009
8.25.2009
8.19.2009
8.18.2009
8.17.2009
8.15.2009
Waiting for the plan to start
Well, I am stopping the IV Herceptin because it is no longer keeping my cancer stable. I will stay on Zometa to keep my bones strong and slow the progression of the cancer that is in my rib and my spine (T11, T3 still looks stable). The rib pain is back, but with pain killers it still goes away completely. Hopefully the new chemo will help that also.
As for the lymphnodes above my left clavical, those are no longer seen on CT scan afters May's surgery and radiation treatment.
What is new is the lymphnodes above my right clavical and the nodule in my lung...I believe it is the left lower lobe.
The drugs I will be taking are Tykerb (which is the "next" Herceptin) and Xeloda, which is always taken in combination with the Tykerb.
Tykerb, as I understand it, is a biological drug that attacks only cancer cells, so is easier on the body. Xeloda is a chemotherapy which will have many of the other chemo sifde effects.
As for the hair...it might just thin, rather than falling out. I learned my lesson last time, so I am going to wait and see, rather than running out and chopping my hair off like I did last time!
Both of the new drugs are taken in pill form, which will reduce the hours spent in the oncology office! All I will have to go to the oncology office for is the IV Zometa, which only takes 30 minutes to infuse, and for my check ups with Dr. Langdon.
The Tykerb has to be delivered directly to me, and the Xeloda is picked up at the pharmacy with the anti-nausea meds, etc.
Right now I just have to wait for the Tykerb delivery arangements to be finalized and then I am good to go.
The Arimidex that I am taking makes me nauseous and causes some not so sweet hot flashes. I have switched over from the space heater to the fan!
That is all for now. ...I will let you know how things go when I get into it. I dont really know what to expect right now.
What am I thankful for?!
Dottie at Little Lingdom. She is an amazing support person for my kids!
As for the lymphnodes above my left clavical, those are no longer seen on CT scan afters May's surgery and radiation treatment.
What is new is the lymphnodes above my right clavical and the nodule in my lung...I believe it is the left lower lobe.
The drugs I will be taking are Tykerb (which is the "next" Herceptin) and Xeloda, which is always taken in combination with the Tykerb.
Tykerb, as I understand it, is a biological drug that attacks only cancer cells, so is easier on the body. Xeloda is a chemotherapy which will have many of the other chemo sifde effects.
As for the hair...it might just thin, rather than falling out. I learned my lesson last time, so I am going to wait and see, rather than running out and chopping my hair off like I did last time!
Both of the new drugs are taken in pill form, which will reduce the hours spent in the oncology office! All I will have to go to the oncology office for is the IV Zometa, which only takes 30 minutes to infuse, and for my check ups with Dr. Langdon.
The Tykerb has to be delivered directly to me, and the Xeloda is picked up at the pharmacy with the anti-nausea meds, etc.
Right now I just have to wait for the Tykerb delivery arangements to be finalized and then I am good to go.
The Arimidex that I am taking makes me nauseous and causes some not so sweet hot flashes. I have switched over from the space heater to the fan!
That is all for now. ...I will let you know how things go when I get into it. I dont really know what to expect right now.
What am I thankful for?!
Dottie at Little Lingdom. She is an amazing support person for my kids!
8.10.2009
8.09.2009
8.05.2009
Hurry up and wait....
Well, the scans were done yesterday. My doctor is not in the office again until Monday the 10th, so I will go in at 9:30am that day to get my scan results and discuss what to do next.
In the mean time I purchased livingroom furniture and a video camera (to start a video journal), so, what I am saying is... I should have plenty to do with all my nervous energy.
Unfortunately, I am having a very tearful week and I am nervous to get the scan results (I guess that is natural in my situation).
I sure hope and pray that my cancer has only spread in my neck and not to other places!
But, until Monday I will try to keep the "what ifs" at bay as much as possible and spend some quality time with my kiddos and my BFF's!
What am I thankful for?!
Amy's new baby! Her baby pics are making me happy....what a beautiful little girl! Welcome to the world Graclyn!
In the mean time I purchased livingroom furniture and a video camera (to start a video journal), so, what I am saying is... I should have plenty to do with all my nervous energy.
Unfortunately, I am having a very tearful week and I am nervous to get the scan results (I guess that is natural in my situation).
I sure hope and pray that my cancer has only spread in my neck and not to other places!
But, until Monday I will try to keep the "what ifs" at bay as much as possible and spend some quality time with my kiddos and my BFF's!
What am I thankful for?!
Amy's new baby! Her baby pics are making me happy....what a beautiful little girl! Welcome to the world Graclyn!
8.03.2009
FYI regarding Music...
If you go to the bottom of the page, you can pick which song off my list you would like to listen to, otherwise it randomly plays them.
I am always thankful for the music in my life! I always have a theme song!
I am always thankful for the music in my life! I always have a theme song!
PERSEVERED
What am I thankful for?! All those that "weathered the storm" with me at Relay! The rain came down but we PERSEVERED & the early morning hours were beautiful!
Relay Update
Perseverance raised approx $18,000! I am so proud of our team! 13 team members raised $1000 or more! WOW! Great for a "transitional" year! HOPE!!!
I update facebook much more often due to the ease & speed of it, & because I don't have to wait for the kids to go to sleep. Friend me @ Tracy Lingwall Harnly!
Thankful
What am I thankful for?! The thoughts and prayers coming from all my family/friends, and for time at the pool with my kiddos (yep, blogging via text poolside!).
Health Update
Well, I finished radiation from the metastatic disease in my left clavicular lymphnodes and was feeling good. Unfortunately this last Tuesday I found new lumps on the other side of my neck....same set of nodes, just on the opposite side.
CRAP!!!!!!!! (sorry)
I have CT scans of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis tomorrow, and then I consult with my oncologist on 8/10. That is a lot more WAITING!
Thankful for?!
The last 4 1/2 years that my treatment has been working well (for the most part).
CRAP!!!!!!!! (sorry)
I have CT scans of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis tomorrow, and then I consult with my oncologist on 8/10. That is a lot more WAITING!
Thankful for?!
The last 4 1/2 years that my treatment has been working well (for the most part).
7.13.2009
5.28.2009
YEE-HAW!
Heading out to the SUGARLAND concert!!!! Thank you to my BFF's Lori and Amy for the ticket! What an AWESOME b'day present!!!
I am thinking they are going to want me to go on tour with them, so I am packing a bag! =)
What am I thankful for?!?! Some time in the sun today!
I am thinking they are going to want me to go on tour with them, so I am packing a bag! =)
What am I thankful for?!?! Some time in the sun today!
5.25.2009
Where do I start first?
A lot has happened in the last month and a half. The fist thing I can think of is the play that Tracy and I attended in Omaha. It was a group of three actors who acted out the feelings that women have after breast cancer treatment....waiting for normal to return! It was a great play and hit a lot of topics that face women in this situation. The actors were out of Canada. Tracy and I were trying to figure out how to get them to Lincoln next year! They also have a play that addresses metastatic cancer. I would be interested in seeing that too, I am sure a lot of the feelings are the same, but I assure you having metastatic cancer carries it's own special set of feelings.
Speaking of metastatic cancer, I finished my radiation to my rib and my pain is now gone. I don't thing the cancer in that area is all gone, but at least the pain is relieved. I am back to sitting at work! WooHoo! I love being lazy!
I did go ahead and run the Lincoln 1/2 Marathon, with encouragement from some, but not all. And to those of you that didn't want me to do it....poo on you. It may have saved my life, at least for now! As I was driving to Omaha after the Marathon to see Skye play baseball, I was feeling the sore muscles in my shoulders and chest from the run and accidentally found lumps in my neck, right above my left collarbone. The 2 lumps that I found were hard and not painful. This was worrisome to me! So, when I got to the game, I pulled aside my doctor friend and had him feel them. He told me to go have them checked out. So, the next morning I went and had them looked at by my oncologist. He sent me strainght down for scans. The scans showed abnormality only in that area. The rest of the scans were unchanged from before.
I went to the surgeon that same week and he took out the two biggest lymphnodes. They were positive for breast cancer. He said there were several smaller nodes that had also showed up on scans, but to remove them all was not a good idea, as it would cause a host of other problems.
When I went back in for my regular treatment, the doc added Arimidex to my treatment (which is a pill I take daily), and set me up to meet with a radiation oncologist, at my request.
I met with the radiation oncologist this past Thursday, and he spoke with me for 1 1/2 hours. He showed me what the CT scan showed, and we discussed treatment. He said that there was no need for me to do the radiaiton because the cancer was not causing me any pain or other symptoms, but I disagreed. I feel that being able to see and feel my cancer causes emotional symptoms and I want the area radiated! He said he would do it if that is what I wanted.
Yep, that is what I want. KILL THE CANCER!!!!! I go for my first treament tomorrow!
I will keep everone updated, as I have a lot more to BLOG about, but this is a bummer topic that I don't want to miss watching Chelsea Lately to discuss!
What am I thnakful for?! My 35th Birthday! The American Cancer Society is the official sponsor of MY birthday!!!!!!
Speaking of metastatic cancer, I finished my radiation to my rib and my pain is now gone. I don't thing the cancer in that area is all gone, but at least the pain is relieved. I am back to sitting at work! WooHoo! I love being lazy!
I did go ahead and run the Lincoln 1/2 Marathon, with encouragement from some, but not all. And to those of you that didn't want me to do it....poo on you. It may have saved my life, at least for now! As I was driving to Omaha after the Marathon to see Skye play baseball, I was feeling the sore muscles in my shoulders and chest from the run and accidentally found lumps in my neck, right above my left collarbone. The 2 lumps that I found were hard and not painful. This was worrisome to me! So, when I got to the game, I pulled aside my doctor friend and had him feel them. He told me to go have them checked out. So, the next morning I went and had them looked at by my oncologist. He sent me strainght down for scans. The scans showed abnormality only in that area. The rest of the scans were unchanged from before.
I went to the surgeon that same week and he took out the two biggest lymphnodes. They were positive for breast cancer. He said there were several smaller nodes that had also showed up on scans, but to remove them all was not a good idea, as it would cause a host of other problems.
When I went back in for my regular treatment, the doc added Arimidex to my treatment (which is a pill I take daily), and set me up to meet with a radiation oncologist, at my request.
I met with the radiation oncologist this past Thursday, and he spoke with me for 1 1/2 hours. He showed me what the CT scan showed, and we discussed treatment. He said that there was no need for me to do the radiaiton because the cancer was not causing me any pain or other symptoms, but I disagreed. I feel that being able to see and feel my cancer causes emotional symptoms and I want the area radiated! He said he would do it if that is what I wanted.
Yep, that is what I want. KILL THE CANCER!!!!! I go for my first treament tomorrow!
I will keep everone updated, as I have a lot more to BLOG about, but this is a bummer topic that I don't want to miss watching Chelsea Lately to discuss!
What am I thnakful for?! My 35th Birthday! The American Cancer Society is the official sponsor of MY birthday!!!!!!
4.06.2009
The Tracys
Today was treatment day, and I was actually kind of excited because I got to spend it with my friend Tracy! We are now on basically the same treatment. So, I think we are going to make it a date...every three weeks for a year. Then she will go on her way, and I will have to find a new buddy to carry on with! That shouldn't be too hard. There was a newly diagnosed girl there with the same type of breast cancer as Tracy and I. She looked younger than us, and both Tracy and I felt badly for her. What a scary time in her life. Hope we made it a little less scary with our laughter and carrying on!
Well, I know I said a while back that I was having a lot of rib pain which lead me to have some xrays. The xrays read, "complete destruction of the right posterior 7th rib, unchanged from 2006". Well, how would it be changed, would it be complete-er destruction of the rib? All I know is that the pain continues and has been there constantly for the last 2-3 months, despite trying tx with a new physical therapist/chiropractor. So, I had a new desk brought into my office so I can do all my computer work from a standing position. This has been helping. Most of the pain comes from sitting or lying down. Anyway, I think the lack of sleep is wearing on me...I don't cope with things very well when I am tired, and there are things that go on in everyday life that test your nerves and mine are frayed.
So.....I start radiation tomorrow. The will radiate my rib. The cancer starts in the back and has grown around the side of my body, towards the front...hence the pain.
They will do 10 treatments with radiation, and then they will assess my pain level and scan me again! I hope this works, because I ran the State Farm 5K 2 weekends ago, and was hoping to get into the upcoming 10K. This lack of training due to lack of motivation stemming from my weight gain, pain, and lack of sleep is not going to be all that helpful in getting me across that finish line but.....I can still walk....crawl! Never say never, right?! My last radiation treatment will fall on the day one of the greatest girls ever, Lori, runs the BOSTON MARATHON!!! Yeah for Lori!!! SHE ROCKS the kasbah!
However, on a very sad note, I have a funeral to attend this Wednesday. The benefit I went to in Seward that I was all excited about because I think the town really stepped up and helped out, well...Scott passed away on Saturday evening, leaving behind a beautiful young wife, an adorable little boy, and lots of family and friends...WHY!???? ........my thoughts and prayers have been going out to them for quite some time, and they continue on now. I am sending them all the love I can during this difficult time of trying to cope, care for a confused child, and make funeral arrangements. Please keep them in your thoughts too. You guys are the best!
On a brighter note, I get to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, for free, in exchange for helping the Lincoln Jump Club promote a fundraiser weekend that they are having in July (more details to come). I am SOOO excited! One more thing to check off the bucket list!!! If things are going well, I am even going to packet a chute! I am so lucky to have this to look forward to!
What I am thankful for?!?! I am thankful that all the crap we as adults have to deal with, has not negatively impacted my children (too badly) as far as I can tell. They are both amazing boys. And, I am anxious to see Skye speak at the Relay team captain meeting tomorrow night!
Well, I know I said a while back that I was having a lot of rib pain which lead me to have some xrays. The xrays read, "complete destruction of the right posterior 7th rib, unchanged from 2006". Well, how would it be changed, would it be complete-er destruction of the rib? All I know is that the pain continues and has been there constantly for the last 2-3 months, despite trying tx with a new physical therapist/chiropractor. So, I had a new desk brought into my office so I can do all my computer work from a standing position. This has been helping. Most of the pain comes from sitting or lying down. Anyway, I think the lack of sleep is wearing on me...I don't cope with things very well when I am tired, and there are things that go on in everyday life that test your nerves and mine are frayed.
So.....I start radiation tomorrow. The will radiate my rib. The cancer starts in the back and has grown around the side of my body, towards the front...hence the pain.
They will do 10 treatments with radiation, and then they will assess my pain level and scan me again! I hope this works, because I ran the State Farm 5K 2 weekends ago, and was hoping to get into the upcoming 10K. This lack of training due to lack of motivation stemming from my weight gain, pain, and lack of sleep is not going to be all that helpful in getting me across that finish line but.....I can still walk....crawl! Never say never, right?! My last radiation treatment will fall on the day one of the greatest girls ever, Lori, runs the BOSTON MARATHON!!! Yeah for Lori!!! SHE ROCKS the kasbah!
However, on a very sad note, I have a funeral to attend this Wednesday. The benefit I went to in Seward that I was all excited about because I think the town really stepped up and helped out, well...Scott passed away on Saturday evening, leaving behind a beautiful young wife, an adorable little boy, and lots of family and friends...WHY!???? ........my thoughts and prayers have been going out to them for quite some time, and they continue on now. I am sending them all the love I can during this difficult time of trying to cope, care for a confused child, and make funeral arrangements. Please keep them in your thoughts too. You guys are the best!
On a brighter note, I get to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, for free, in exchange for helping the Lincoln Jump Club promote a fundraiser weekend that they are having in July (more details to come). I am SOOO excited! One more thing to check off the bucket list!!! If things are going well, I am even going to packet a chute! I am so lucky to have this to look forward to!
What I am thankful for?!?! I am thankful that all the crap we as adults have to deal with, has not negatively impacted my children (too badly) as far as I can tell. They are both amazing boys. And, I am anxious to see Skye speak at the Relay team captain meeting tomorrow night!
3.29.2009
My best days...
This weekend was not only difficult, but wonderful. On Friday night I had the honor of speaking at two Relay For Life events, one at Creighton University and one a UNO. As always, I met people who are fighting the fight. I talked with people, laughed with people, and cried with people. We came together for a common goal, and that goal being Celebrating, Remembering, and Fighting Back! I celebrated with those who fought and won. I cried for those I lost, and I felt empowered by having the opportunity to Fight Back against cancer by passing on a strong message of early detection and being proactive with ones own health. We are our own best advocates!
On Saturday morning I was able to run a road race with my two best guys, Skye Pie and Lakers! I am so proud of them! One mile is a long way to run when you have short little legs! I ran a 5K and was happy to finish without having to stop and walk! I haven't run in months, so I was happy with that!
Today, I went to a benefit in my hometown. It is tragicly sad to see a beautiful young family affected by cancer, and I was overcome with emotion as I walked in, and had to take a moment. The benefit looked to be quite a success, and I am proud to say I am from Seward, as the community really comes together when one of their own is in need of help! I feel blessed to be a part of that.
Honestly, there is nothing better than paying it forward!
What am I thankful for!?! Being asked to help.
On Saturday morning I was able to run a road race with my two best guys, Skye Pie and Lakers! I am so proud of them! One mile is a long way to run when you have short little legs! I ran a 5K and was happy to finish without having to stop and walk! I haven't run in months, so I was happy with that!
Today, I went to a benefit in my hometown. It is tragicly sad to see a beautiful young family affected by cancer, and I was overcome with emotion as I walked in, and had to take a moment. The benefit looked to be quite a success, and I am proud to say I am from Seward, as the community really comes together when one of their own is in need of help! I feel blessed to be a part of that.
Honestly, there is nothing better than paying it forward!
What am I thankful for!?! Being asked to help.
Thank you for 4 years of support!
Dear Friends and Family:
Looking back on 4 years of SURVIVORSHIP...of LIFE. My 4 year anniversary is a celebration of life, of potential, of hopes, perseverance, and of friendship! I hope that you read this BLOG and know that I THANK YOU for all that you have done for me over the last 4 years!
When I first heard that I had cancer, I was sad, but optimistic. Then, a week later, when I heard the extent of my cancer, I was terrified. I was scared to leave behind 2 children that had not had enough time to get to know me, and I was scared that I was going to let down my family and friends by leaving them too soon. I was not ready go…. Things were left undone…
I searched the Internet for treatments, diets, cleanses, and Hope. The statistics said I had only a 20% chance of living 5 years. So, I turned to God and I prayed for a miracle. I did a lot of soul searching, I started journals for my children, and I spent more time in front of the camera than behind it! I wanted to capture memories, thoughts, moments, wisdom and laughter for my children. I wanted them to know that finding peace and happiness, no matter what your circumstances, is the key to life. I wanted to teach them to laugh and show them how to smile!
Over the last 4 years, I feel like I have demonstrated this too them with the help of all of you! You all make me happy and you make me smile in your own special ways. The last 4 years have been no walk in the park. There have been very hard and very dark times for me along the way, but you all have gotten me through with a smile on my face….(most of the time)….and for that I am eternally grateful!
So now here we are, just one year from my 5 year mark…and do you know what I think?…I think I am going to blow it out of the water!!! 10 years….here I come!
Thank you for:
laughing with me*crying with me*holding my hand*saving my funny texts*sitting under a tree*saving second base*running the Komen*marker pimping*dancing like a rockstar*being patient with me*being a DAMA-MAMA or PAPA*letting me share my story*daring me*coloring my hair pink*surviving with me*being persistent*making me laugh*listening even when what I have to say is hard to hear*rekindling that old friendship*having faith in me*pushing me*videotaping my story(take 32)*letting me give you a piggyback ride*telling me that I am not too old to pierce my nose*wanting more for yourself and letting me help you get it*sharing my wigs and hats with me*e-mailing me*calling me even though you know I never answer*inviting me to dinner*fundraising with me*running next to me*running ahead of me in silent encouragement*inviting me into your family*letting me win*letting me walk*sharing your drink*buying me sushi*writing your “why I relay” stories*understanding me*pretending to when you don’t*forgiving me*never forgetting*sharing music*watching movies*swimming in the ocean*skinny-dipping in March*going to Disney*renting a limo*singing over me*letting me pick*giving me faith*finding Hope*stocking my freezer*threatening to put a bean up your nose to make me laugh*dancing in the rain*holding me*hugs and kisses*sharing your strength*knowing when to be silent*knowing when to scream*knowing when an inappropriate joke is appropriate*not letting me jump*taking my picture*sharing your story*rubbing my feet*sharing your candy bar*asking how I am*knowing when fine doesn’t mean fine* calling me adorable when clearly I am losing it*finding me $10,000*saving my hair*sitting with me at baseball games*making me feel like a part of the group*not making me sing Karaoke*coming to my party*being in my life*riding the mechanical bull*going on girls trips*helping me understand*helping me forget*letting me forgive*painting my nails*telling me when I have spinach in my teeth*hottubbing*being my FB friend*wearing pasties on the beach*sharing chapstick*loving me despite me*buying and sporting things with pink ribbons on them*using pink ribbon checks*leaving peanut butter twix on my desk when I am out*making me a journal*saving pictures of you and I*driving 8 hours for this party*visiting me*sitting in the driveway*scheduling your vacations with me*telling me when I am nuts, not stopping me*loving my children like your own*wearing pink awareness or LIVESTRONG bands*BEING A PART OF ME FOREVER!*
What am I thankful for?! YOU!
Looking back on 4 years of SURVIVORSHIP...of LIFE. My 4 year anniversary is a celebration of life, of potential, of hopes, perseverance, and of friendship! I hope that you read this BLOG and know that I THANK YOU for all that you have done for me over the last 4 years!
When I first heard that I had cancer, I was sad, but optimistic. Then, a week later, when I heard the extent of my cancer, I was terrified. I was scared to leave behind 2 children that had not had enough time to get to know me, and I was scared that I was going to let down my family and friends by leaving them too soon. I was not ready go…. Things were left undone…
I searched the Internet for treatments, diets, cleanses, and Hope. The statistics said I had only a 20% chance of living 5 years. So, I turned to God and I prayed for a miracle. I did a lot of soul searching, I started journals for my children, and I spent more time in front of the camera than behind it! I wanted to capture memories, thoughts, moments, wisdom and laughter for my children. I wanted them to know that finding peace and happiness, no matter what your circumstances, is the key to life. I wanted to teach them to laugh and show them how to smile!
Over the last 4 years, I feel like I have demonstrated this too them with the help of all of you! You all make me happy and you make me smile in your own special ways. The last 4 years have been no walk in the park. There have been very hard and very dark times for me along the way, but you all have gotten me through with a smile on my face….(most of the time)….and for that I am eternally grateful!
So now here we are, just one year from my 5 year mark…and do you know what I think?…I think I am going to blow it out of the water!!! 10 years….here I come!
Thank you for:
laughing with me*crying with me*holding my hand*saving my funny texts*sitting under a tree*saving second base*running the Komen*marker pimping*dancing like a rockstar*being patient with me*being a DAMA-MAMA or PAPA*letting me share my story*daring me*coloring my hair pink*surviving with me*being persistent*making me laugh*listening even when what I have to say is hard to hear*rekindling that old friendship*having faith in me*pushing me*videotaping my story(take 32)*letting me give you a piggyback ride*telling me that I am not too old to pierce my nose*wanting more for yourself and letting me help you get it*sharing my wigs and hats with me*e-mailing me*calling me even though you know I never answer*inviting me to dinner*fundraising with me*running next to me*running ahead of me in silent encouragement*inviting me into your family*letting me win*letting me walk*sharing your drink*buying me sushi*writing your “why I relay” stories*understanding me*pretending to when you don’t*forgiving me*never forgetting*sharing music*watching movies*swimming in the ocean*skinny-dipping in March*going to Disney*renting a limo*singing over me*letting me pick*giving me faith*finding Hope*stocking my freezer*threatening to put a bean up your nose to make me laugh*dancing in the rain*holding me*hugs and kisses*sharing your strength*knowing when to be silent*knowing when to scream*knowing when an inappropriate joke is appropriate*not letting me jump*taking my picture*sharing your story*rubbing my feet*sharing your candy bar*asking how I am*knowing when fine doesn’t mean fine* calling me adorable when clearly I am losing it*finding me $10,000*saving my hair*sitting with me at baseball games*making me feel like a part of the group*not making me sing Karaoke*coming to my party*being in my life*riding the mechanical bull*going on girls trips*helping me understand*helping me forget*letting me forgive*painting my nails*telling me when I have spinach in my teeth*hottubbing*being my FB friend*wearing pasties on the beach*sharing chapstick*loving me despite me*buying and sporting things with pink ribbons on them*using pink ribbon checks*leaving peanut butter twix on my desk when I am out*making me a journal*saving pictures of you and I*driving 8 hours for this party*visiting me*sitting in the driveway*scheduling your vacations with me*telling me when I am nuts, not stopping me*loving my children like your own*wearing pink awareness or LIVESTRONG bands*BEING A PART OF ME FOREVER!*
What am I thankful for?! YOU!
3.25.2009
I am a mess!
Well, I don't know what the deal is...is there more cancer out there? Do I just notice it more? Do people just come to me with questions more since I have it? I don't know, but right now it seems like the whole world is going to be consumed by cancer. (Not me of course, because the all knowing FB quiz said I was going to die in my 70's during a tragic stripper pole accident!)
This month alone....
I had a friend lose her stepmom to cancer,
I had a friend lose a friend to cancer,
and I watched in sorrow as my community lost a beautiful and courageous 4 year old little boy to cancer.
And, this month alone.....
I watch from afar as a fellow HOH restarts a difficult battle with the disease,
I arrange my schedule to synchronize my chemo treatments with the chemo treatments of a dear childhood friend,
I will attend a benefit for a local cancer fighter from my hometown,
I celebrated the life of a friend I lost to cancer, on her birthday, without her,
I talk almost daily to a mom who is distraught with the grief of having a son-in-law with cancer and the effects it has on the whole young family,
and daily I gulp down sleeping pills and painkillers to try and continue life as usual with rib pain due to my own damn cancer.
And then, after all of that, people have the nerve to say to me, "why do you do relay?", "don't you have enough on your plate?".....
I can't think of one reason why I shouldn't do relay. I don't know how I could sleep at night, knowing what I know, and feeling how I feel and not do relay. I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for not trying to fight back against this disease! I have lost too much....I will lose too much in the future....and every second I doubt my strength to go on, I vow to put one more dollar into the pot.
One more dollar to help others go on.
One more dollar towards research to cure a disease that takes kids, and moms, and dads....sisters....brothers...beloved friends....
One more dollar to help a young lady learn how to paint on eyebrows and feel pretty so that she maintains the self-esteem needed to keep fighting for her life.
How could I sleep?......
What am I thankful for?!
The will, and the ability, to FIGHT BACK!
This month alone....
I had a friend lose her stepmom to cancer,
I had a friend lose a friend to cancer,
and I watched in sorrow as my community lost a beautiful and courageous 4 year old little boy to cancer.
And, this month alone.....
I watch from afar as a fellow HOH restarts a difficult battle with the disease,
I arrange my schedule to synchronize my chemo treatments with the chemo treatments of a dear childhood friend,
I will attend a benefit for a local cancer fighter from my hometown,
I celebrated the life of a friend I lost to cancer, on her birthday, without her,
I talk almost daily to a mom who is distraught with the grief of having a son-in-law with cancer and the effects it has on the whole young family,
and daily I gulp down sleeping pills and painkillers to try and continue life as usual with rib pain due to my own damn cancer.
And then, after all of that, people have the nerve to say to me, "why do you do relay?", "don't you have enough on your plate?".....
I can't think of one reason why I shouldn't do relay. I don't know how I could sleep at night, knowing what I know, and feeling how I feel and not do relay. I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for not trying to fight back against this disease! I have lost too much....I will lose too much in the future....and every second I doubt my strength to go on, I vow to put one more dollar into the pot.
One more dollar to help others go on.
One more dollar towards research to cure a disease that takes kids, and moms, and dads....sisters....brothers...beloved friends....
One more dollar to help a young lady learn how to paint on eyebrows and feel pretty so that she maintains the self-esteem needed to keep fighting for her life.
How could I sleep?......
What am I thankful for?!
The will, and the ability, to FIGHT BACK!
2.26.2009
Results!
No changes! It's all good!!!
What am I thankful for?!
The warm-ish weather we have had the last couple of days!
What am I thankful for?!
The warm-ish weather we have had the last couple of days!
2.24.2009
Tests
Tomorrow I am having an MRI of my spine and rib x-rays due to increased pain over the last month or two. Here is to hoping it is just muscle tension.
The doctor said they would get the test results ASAP, so I should be able to BLOG my results tomorrow night.
Happy FAT TUESDAY to you all!
What am I thankful for?!
My two amazing children! They are the light of my life!
The doctor said they would get the test results ASAP, so I should be able to BLOG my results tomorrow night.
Happy FAT TUESDAY to you all!
What am I thankful for?!
My two amazing children! They are the light of my life!
2.07.2009
February already?!?!
I have been so crazy lately with the holidays, my computer being down for 3 weeks and my surgeries! I ended up with one more surgery at the beginning of this year to repair my hysterectomy. My stitches dissolved before my body was able to heal. Bummer. I am two weeks or so out from that, and so far so good!
Relay meetings are in full swing now, so I have our website up and going. I am excited about that. Perseverance Rocks! I am on the executive committee for our relay, I am a team captain again, and I am on a divisional work group for the Heroes of Hope program! I get to go to Dallas this month for the HOH workgroup. I work with such amazing people through relay. It is amazing what the ACS is able to do. They have a large and dedicated volunteer base! It is amazing the amount of work they convince us to do for free! LOL We all have our reasons! And most of us have MANY reasons!
What am I thankful for?! Optimism (no matter what).
Relay meetings are in full swing now, so I have our website up and going. I am excited about that. Perseverance Rocks! I am on the executive committee for our relay, I am a team captain again, and I am on a divisional work group for the Heroes of Hope program! I get to go to Dallas this month for the HOH workgroup. I work with such amazing people through relay. It is amazing what the ACS is able to do. They have a large and dedicated volunteer base! It is amazing the amount of work they convince us to do for free! LOL We all have our reasons! And most of us have MANY reasons!
What am I thankful for?! Optimism (no matter what).
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